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You meet a guy. You get along w/ him OK; he's nice, friendly, tries hard to accommodate you, and like you he is looking for a serious relationship. Things seem to be going OK and by date 3, the first kiss happens. But that is all, and you do not have sex with him. Not even close.
So now you think you have a new boyfriend. You then get together with a longtime girlfriend of yours, a few years younger, and break the news. Only it turns out that this close GF of yours knows him - he and she dated a few years previously, and she doesn't seem happy to be reminded of him. In fact, she tells you some negative stuff about him. Then you confront him and he admits that the 2 of them dated, without denying anything.
1. How would that impact your new "relationship" with this guy?
2. The stuff he said ... nothing like "he's evil/a player/a bastard," but rather, something like "he can be cold" and "he was cool when he broke up with me."
3. Would your pride be hurt, that he once dated and slept with one of your close girlfriends? Would you be jealous? Would you even feel "betrayed?"
I would ask him about it, but at the same time I would be hesitant about taking things further. i would hate for things to get awkward, since both he AND my friend would be in my life.
I would ask him about it, but at the same time I would be hesitant about taking things further. i would hate for things to get awkward, since both he AND my friend would be in my life.
Would you be jealous that this guy you're beginning to like once dated (and kissed, made love to, etc... bla bla bla) your friend?
1. How would that impact your new "relationship" with this guy?
It would depend on the nature of the "bad stuff" my friend told me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner
2. The stuff he said ... nothing like "he's evil/a player/a bastard," but rather, something like "he can be cold" and "he was cool when he broke up with me."
That can be said about many exes. Unless it's something very specific, I would dismiss whatever an ex-girlfriend had to say out of hand.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner
3. Would your pride be hurt, that he once dated and slept with one of your close girlfriends? Would you be jealous? Would you even feel "betrayed?"
No. Why? I mean, assuming I am an adult in this scenario, I wouldn't expect him to be a virgin (nor would I want him to be one), and I don't see how logically, the fact of him sleeping with one of my girlfriends would make me feel insecure. As far as jealousy, I would be more worried about my girlfriend being jealous. I also don't see any reason to feel "betrayed". That said, this would still be a "triangle" and an awkward situation.
I don't know what you'd be jealous of? You both dated him at different times.
However, you will have to choose between the two of them. Right now this is just awkward... you are dating your friend's former flame. But if the relationship between you and this man continues it will very likely cause problems with your friend. The choice is yours ... which is more important to you? You won't have to tell one of them to hit the road. But you must understand that over time you may loose one of them.
I don't know what you'd be jealous of? You both dated him at different times.
However, you will have to choose between the two of them. Right now this is just awkward... you are dating your friend's former flame. But if the relationship between you and this man continues it will very likely cause problems with your friend. The choice is yours ... which is more important to you? You won't have to tell one of them to hit the road. But you must understand that over time you may loose one of them.
hahaha.
I'm the man in the situation. This happened to me a while back.
I discussed it with a good lady friend the other day, with whom I'd spoken about the issue when it happened. Lady friend said my new GF who quickly became an ex said she probably felt jealous and even betrayed.
1. How would that impact your new "relationship" with this guy?
It's still very early in the relationship; I don't expect to know everything about the guy. But since this came up, I'd want to know what went wrong.
Quote:
2. The stuff he said ... nothing like "he's evil/a player/a bastard," but rather, something like "he can be cold" and "he was cool when he broke up with me."
I can be as well. It all depends on the situation.
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3. Would your pride be hurt, that he once dated and slept with one of your close girlfriends? Would you be jealous? Would you even feel "betrayed?"
What I think was wrong in that situation was that my new "GF" refused to tell me what my ex told her. I pressed her and she said, "just one comment." So I said, "well, and what was that comment?" But she wouldn't say.
Obviously it was something negative, and it was enough to kill the new relationship (though there were other factors).
What I think was wrong in that situation was that my new "GF" refused to tell me what my ex told her.
Now, that she was justified in doing. I assume whatever the friend told her was said in confidence.
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