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Old 03-08-2009, 10:57 PM
 
Location: southern california
49,390 posts, read 46,007,019 times
Reputation: 40490
sounds like you married a jerk. the usual time it takes for a woman to realize this is 2 years.
it goes from admiration and sex to heavy spending and contempt in bout 2 years.
my record however in dating was much shorter, i went from a physically perfect high energy military type to a funny looking old >>>>>>>>> leering at her in the shower ---in 6 weeks.
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Old 03-08-2009, 11:19 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,038 posts, read 8,950,055 times
Reputation: 7881
I wouldn't recommend it. But if you believe there is chance, I think the distance will do you both good, as well as some counseling. This is not something you can fix overnight - the drinking, the mood swings and all the "causes" for it. When a licensed therapist tells you that he has done everything he should do to be right with himself, and you have found a way to heal from being the repository for his issues, then you'll both be in a better place to make it work.
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Old 03-09-2009, 01:42 AM
 
11,001 posts, read 6,963,669 times
Reputation: 8240
12 years of being together without incident until recently is a long time. Your'e lucky to have such a happy marriage. I dont think what hes doing now is healthy, so you shouldnt go back. Not yet. You need to talk to him and tell him that you will be seeing him at the therapists office. If he refuses to go then you will refuse to sleep with him until he does. If he objects, too bad, stick to your guns. Tell him to start looking for a job so you can pay the therapist. By all means put it on his credit card and tell him to give you a ride to and from the office. He needs to be held responsible for his choices and start treating you like he loves you.

Should he refuse, they you must threaten divorce. If you love him, he should love you too and he wont let that happen . Unless he doesnt(love you). In which case start dating again and start having fun.
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Old 03-09-2009, 06:38 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 2,798,777 times
Reputation: 1585
Default Should I give husband who emotionally abuses second chance

NO, NO and NO...do not go back. Your husband is on the verge of pushing the emotional abuse to new levels that could lead to physical abuse..please do not go back into that situation. Abusers all say the same things once the abused person takes positive action and leaves...they will change...yeah, right. I was married to someone who tried to make me think I was crazy so he could get custody of our son, he drank like a fish, wouldn't work, did drugs, told me I was ugly and useless and that he couldn't stand making love to me..he cheated on me non stop and even when caught looked at me like I was dirt and kept doing it. I RAN from him and never looked back. Did my ex ever get physical..only one time. He pushed me up against a door with my arm twisted up behind me...somehow I jumped on his feet as hard as I could, spun him around and pushed him out the door..called the local sherriff too. So, you see when I read your post, I felt like I was reading about my ex husband and you broke my heart to say the least.

Please, if you have gone back...leave again. Your husband should be able to handle losing a job without hurting you..he should be willing to work towards getting a new job without making you feel like you are to blame for his predicament. God this one scares me to death...LEAVE PLEASE.

If you need to talk, send me a private message...I do care.
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Old 03-09-2009, 07:06 AM
 
969 posts, read 1,853,978 times
Reputation: 408
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gadong View Post
Another thing..... watch the FIREPROOF movie, it might help your guys.....

Oh lord.....
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Old 03-09-2009, 07:08 AM
 
Location: fla
1,512 posts, read 1,909,252 times
Reputation: 696
I am trying to get my self-esteem back and work on me.


it will never happen if you go back----i know from experience verbal abuse can cross over to physical too easily-----stay FAR away--i even left an area i love to be safe!
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Old 03-09-2009, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,376 posts, read 14,300,149 times
Reputation: 21745
He needs some time to think about his childish behaviour, and he also needs time to look for another job.
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Old 03-12-2009, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Georgia
7 posts, read 12,274 times
Reputation: 13
I thank you for the advice you have given to me. I am new to this site and you have all helped me when I needed it. For an update, I started group therapy this week and I start counseling next week. I have not spoken to my husband in a week. I realize that I am going to have to soon to tell him what I want to happen. I am still weighing my options. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!
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Old 03-12-2009, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,593 posts, read 22,189,471 times
Reputation: 6056
Quote:
Originally Posted by jamie30701 View Post
I thank you for the advice you have given to me. I am new to this site and you have all helped me when I needed it. For an update, I started group therapy this week and I start counseling next week. I have not spoken to my husband in a week. I realize that I am going to have to soon to tell him what I want to happen. I am still weighing my options. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!
Please remember one thing, you are worthy of bring treated well. No one has the right to talk down to you or mistreat you in anyway.

Tell yourself everyday "I am worthy, I am worthy", change the message inside your head and that will be one of the steps to feeling better about yourself.
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Old 03-12-2009, 08:28 PM
 
Location: Portlandia "burbs"
7,780 posts, read 7,564,306 times
Reputation: 16860
HE WILL NOT CHANGE!

My first husband, though a little different from yours, was also mentally abusive and very irresponsible. In due time I lost so much respect for him that I began to hate him. He never hit me but there was no future with him, and I reached the point where I couldn't stand him around me. Of course, that made it all the easier to leave that farcical marriage; however, not all women in abusive relationships 'hate' their husbands. They all fear them, but some continue to love them. (Although I can't help wondering if some of these women don't confuse co-dependency with love. And perhaps THAT is something you should think about.)

Preserve yourself. Take care.
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