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Old 03-09-2009, 02:40 PM
 
30,990 posts, read 19,242,106 times
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Ok, I've decided to get back to dating...VERY low key, just dates and not going to move fast or focus in on one gal. (Do not get me wrong, this is not an attempt to get a lot of women in the sack but rather to develop a broader, healthy social life.)

Anyway, I haven't really quite been in this situation before so looking for some advice on how to handle it. I think that just having dates and having fun, low-key stuff is cool. Also, unless specifically asked I wouldn't mention other gals I'm dating...I would not offer an exclusive relationship...unless things were to really start to develop.

Pitfalls? Advice? Let me have it.
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Old 03-09-2009, 02:46 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 2,876,060 times
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Default How many women to date at a time?

Good grief...only one of course. There are a lot of pitfalls here like calling the wrong woman by the wrong name, scheduling two dates on the same night, developing feelings for more than one woman alah the Bachelor style. Why don't you just go out in a group type of atmosphere then you don't have to worry about this sort of thing. Have a special date once in a while but if you are not interested in a serious relationship then the answer is NOT to date several women at the same Tell them right from the start that you are not into getting serious just yet. Women appreciate and want honesty.
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Old 03-09-2009, 02:56 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
6,924 posts, read 9,200,183 times
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As long as you keep the dating on a casual basis, I don't think having two, three or four different friends is a problem. I'd be open and honest about your friendships (dates) with all those you date. That'll help keep everything casual, and if that's what you want, you'll probably need a few different friends just to find one that's available when you want a date.

I had different women friends for different activities. If I wanted to spend a day in the mountains, I'd ask one; if I wanted to spend a day on the coast, another one; movies, a different one. All were good for dinner, in or out. All were good friends and nothing more.

I would not (again) have romantic relationships with more than one person at a time. It'll turn you into someone you don't want to be. I got into that and wish I never would have. Oh, and if they say they just want to be friends but then start making out with you, they really don't want to just be friends!

You're going to have more women throwing themselves at you than you can imagine. If you want to keep it non-sexual, say so up front.

Last edited by WyoNewk; 03-09-2009 at 03:05 PM..
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Old 03-09-2009, 02:58 PM
 
Location: NYC area
3,486 posts, read 3,425,451 times
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Uhm, when I was on the dating market, I didn't like the idea of laying down the law, as it were, but if I went to bed with a man, I kind of assumed he wasn't sleeping with dozens of other women. I think I'm not alone here. A romantic relationship (or "dating" that looks and feels like a romantic relationship) is usually presumed to be exclusive, unless you specifically agree otherwise. Rightly, or wrongly, but it is. Exclusivity is not something you specifically offer. Quite the contrary -- if you want it to be an open relationship, you have to spell it out clearly and early on (i.e., before you sleep with the woman). Also, you have to consider honestly how the bilateral "openness" will affect you. The idea of dating several women at once may not seem like a big deal to you (something "low key"), but you may feel differently about your girlfriends (and especially the favorite girlfriend) dating and sleeping with other men, besides yourself. Are you really going to be "cool" with the idea of a girlfriend treating your relationship exactly as you do? My understanding is, "open relationships" are generally difficult to handle. However, if you are both honest about it, and this is what works for you, more power to you.
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Old 03-09-2009, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
8,883 posts, read 11,282,155 times
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Take your time, tie into something nice and see where it goes. In the beginning you just let things flow. Make a few dates with whoever your attracted to and like any other friendship, you'll gravitate towards the ones whose time you enjoy most. Find someone who compliments your lifestyle best, that is, if you like to have your space and time with the guys, find someone who is ok with that. At this stage of your life you want someone with the philosophy of "live and let live" and someone with whom you have a mutual respect and understanding with in regard to quality of life and what's important to one another.
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Old 03-09-2009, 03:32 PM
 
30,990 posts, read 19,242,106 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Redisca View Post
A romantic relationship (or "dating" that looks and feels like a romantic relationship) is usually presumed to be exclusive, unless you specifically agree otherwise.
It's on this point that I disagree but it might be that we are just not thinking of the same situation.

Basically, I'm using an internet dating service and if someone interests me then chat with them, meet somewhere etc. Almost without an exception, you don't even have a "first date" but rather a meet and greet followed by actual dates if that went well. (Hey, they don't know you from adam on these sites so you don't come pre-approved like via friendly introduction.)

It makes complete sense that at this phase you should be talking with several people maybe date them a few times and see where it goes. It's rather a long process building just the basic trust that you aren't an axe murderer.

So, hopefully this explains the situation better.
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Old 03-09-2009, 04:41 PM
 
Location: Northeast TN
3,885 posts, read 5,352,584 times
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I think it's pretty standard to "date" a few at a time when you are talking about internet dating services. I'm sure the women that are also looking aren't exclusive to someone they just met either.

Of course, by the time you find out they are an axe murderer it's usually too late.
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Old 03-09-2009, 04:47 PM
 
3,490 posts, read 5,190,298 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathguy View Post
Ok, I've decided to get back to dating...VERY low key, just dates and not going to move fast or focus in on one gal. (Do not get me wrong, this is not an attempt to get a lot of women in the sack but rather to develop a broader, healthy social life.)

Anyway, I haven't really quite been in this situation before so looking for some advice on how to handle it. I think that just having dates and having fun, low-key stuff is cool. Also, unless specifically asked I wouldn't mention other gals I'm dating...I would not offer an exclusive relationship...unless things were to really start to develop.

Pitfalls? Advice? Let me have it.
I would just let it be natural - no limits or rules in particular. Well, until you start getting intimate. Then you need to narrow it down. While you're just doing dinners and coffees and things, just have fun and treat everyone as you would want to be treated. If that's with 1, 2 or 10 gals, I don't see a problem..... until you get intimate. Then you need to decide which way you're going. Also don't lie about it. If asked, say you're dating. That's honest and not mean.
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Old 03-09-2009, 04:51 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,067 posts, read 9,247,915 times
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Not sure where you live, but there's a program called "It's Just Lunch" that would seem to be ideal for what you're describing.
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Old 03-09-2009, 05:06 PM
 
9,718 posts, read 12,509,208 times
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American women always want to herd men in exclusive relationships even when they don't have a dime in it or before they have even dated you.

Going on a date does not imply an exclusive relationship and if some women get that idea in their head that because we are on a date I now have to cast away everything else is absurd. Not the women to date if they think that, because obviously they have a screw lose, plus control issues.

There is nothing wrong with going on dates with different women at one time. I find a lot of things are best left unsaid so I don't go into details about what I am doing. It's none of their business.

I used to date several women at once, including 3 at one time that were flatmates. We'd go out and have a good time and that was that. Best thing I found was to get a poster board and keep a flow chart so you can keep track of all of it.

People I think here in the USA put the accelerator down and zoom into exclusive relationships too damn fast. I don't see anything wrong with staying friends or going on dates for a few months before you declare your exclusivity. And dating other people until that time as well.
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