U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
 
Old 03-11-2009, 06:36 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 17,052,951 times
Reputation: 7257

Advertisements

Nevermind
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-11-2009, 06:50 PM
 
Location: So Cal
25,272 posts, read 19,091,474 times
Reputation: 23761
Protecting your kids is first priority. Offending the "grandparents" is about 15th on the list of importance.

Probably going with the white lie #2, I think it was would help avoid tension in the family.

But on the other hand giving them them the boot sure would be nice.

Life if too friggin short to waste time on people's f ing BS.

JMHO of course.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2009, 09:20 PM
 
Location: San Diego, CA
4,884 posts, read 4,887,889 times
Reputation: 1861
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Here we go again...

As most of you know, the inlaws and I are at continual odds...we disagree on everything but our biggest issues revolve around their treatment of my children.

They are not kind to my children. They say nasty, hateful things to them and my children dread seeing them and after they have seen them it takes a week or so to get them back in synch and to stop talking about the miserable time they had and the nasty comments that were made by their grandparents.

The inlaws take issue with everything from my son choosing to be a vegetarian, the schools we send them to, the home we bought and the area we moved to...you name it, they have problems with it. They never call my children, never take them out and are quite divisive with my children and their other grandchildren.

With that said, here is the new issue.

My husband is going out of town tomorrow night for several days. All of my children but one is on spring break. My mother in law called my husband to see if she could take the kids out on Friday, I suppose for lunch or something...most likely a photo op so she can show her friends she "has a relationship" with the kids. BTW, she has not seen or talked to them since Christmas and we live 11 miles away!

OK, my husband knows what they are like and how they treat the kids. He has had many conversations with his parents about it, but he seems to conveniently forget and guilt takes over and he starts to feel bad when they call to see them.

I am adamantly opposed to these people taking the kids out alone. If I had time and space to write all of it down most of you would be pulling your jaws from the ground!

So here's my ideas

1) Tell my MIL "no way!"
2) Tell my MIL we are busy Friday but she can see them next week(that way my husband can go with them and his parents can't pull any shenanigans)
3) or, God forbid, I just let them go...this is actually not an option...just thought I'd throw that out there!

Any thoughts?

Sorry this was so long!
Get a grip. It really sounds like you are nitpicking and projecting your own feelings of dislike for them. Get over it. Seriously, you whine that the grandparents aren't involved and then you try to push them away when they do get involved so maybe the problem isn't them, maybe the problem is you. Let the kids have a relationship with their grandparents and unless there is physical danger (I.E. someone is going to be abused) then they will likely be happier down the road having known their grandparents.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2009, 09:22 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 17,052,951 times
Reputation: 7257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oerdin View Post
Get a grip. It really sounds like you are nitpicking and projecting your own feelings of dislike for them. Get over it. Seriously, you whine that the grandparents aren't involved and then you try to push them away when they do get involved so maybe the problem isn't them, maybe the problem is you. Let the kids have a relationship with their grandparents and unless there is physical danger (I.E. someone is going to be abused) then they will likely be happier down the road having known their grandparents.
If you had read the entire post you may have a better understanding.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2009, 09:36 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 17,052,951 times
Reputation: 7257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oerdin View Post
Get a grip. It really sounds like you are nitpicking and projecting your own feelings of dislike for them. Get over it. Seriously, you whine that the grandparents aren't involved and then you try to push them away when they do get involved so maybe the problem isn't them, maybe the problem is you. Let the kids have a relationship with their grandparents and unless there is physical danger (I.E. someone is going to be abused) then they will likely be happier down the road having known their grandparents.
By the way, there are several types of abuse and it does not always appear in the physical form, but I assume you already know that since you seem to know everything else
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2009, 09:43 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
14,851 posts, read 18,057,377 times
Reputation: 18990
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Here we go again...

As most of you know, the inlaws and I are at continual odds...we disagree on everything but our biggest issues revolve around their treatment of my children.

They are not kind to my children. They say nasty, hateful things to them and my children dread seeing them and after they have seen them it takes a week or so to get them back in synch and to stop talking about the miserable time they had and the nasty comments that were made by their grandparents.

The inlaws take issue with everything from my son choosing to be a vegetarian, the schools we send them to, the home we bought and the area we moved to...you name it, they have problems with it. They never call my children, never take them out and are quite divisive with my children and their other grandchildren.

With that said, here is the new issue.

My husband is going out of town tomorrow night for several days. All of my children but one is on spring break. My mother in law called my husband to see if she could take the kids out on Friday, I suppose for lunch or something...most likely a photo op so she can show her friends she "has a relationship" with the kids. BTW, she has not seen or talked to them since Christmas and we live 11 miles away!

OK, my husband knows what they are like and how they treat the kids. He has had many conversations with his parents about it, but he seems to conveniently forget and guilt takes over and he starts to feel bad when they call to see them.

I am adamantly opposed to these people taking the kids out alone. If I had time and space to write all of it down most of you would be pulling your jaws from the ground!

So here's my ideas

1) Tell my MIL "no way!"
2) Tell my MIL we are busy Friday but she can see them next week(that way my husband can go with them and his parents can't pull any shenanigans)
3) or, God forbid, I just let them go...this is actually not an option...just thought I'd throw that out there!

Any thoughts?

Sorry this was so long!
As a mother your first concern should be for the safety and welfare of your children. If you feel that they are suffering emotional abuse at the hands of these people, you are obligated to do whatever you can (anything you can) to make certain this does not continue. I would tell them to pound sand if I were you and the exact reasons why.

Your husband should stand behind your decision 100 percent. It is his job to stand up for you and your kids to protect all of you from hurtful things. If he pressures you to give in and let the kids go, then he needs a good slap and he is NO MAN. He might be male, but he is not a man, if you get the subtle difference.

20yrsinBranson
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2009, 09:48 PM
 
Location: Welland, Ontario Canada
323 posts, read 419,599 times
Reputation: 270
I don't want to fight with anyone on this wonderful site, but please don't pay any attention to the person who told you to get a grip. It isn't that simple and that isn't the problem. Your in-laws sound so much like my parents, it almost scary. The solution to your problem isn't black and white no matter what anyone may think. There is so much emphasis on sticking with your family no matter what that people tend to put up with things that they might not otherwise accept. However, abuse, whether physical, sexual, emotional or verbal is not acceptable under any circumstances. Your in-laws have been spoken to many times, at least that is what your post seems to indicate and now a stronger reaction needs to be done. It seems to me that if your in-laws really wanted to spend quality time with you and your children, they would be doing whatever it takes to bridge the gap between you. There's nothing wrong with making them understand that there are consequence to abusive behaviour and you are not going to put up with it and you are certainly not going to put your children through it either.

I really do wish you the best and hopes for peace in this difficult choice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2009, 09:50 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 17,052,951 times
Reputation: 7257
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
As a mother your first concern should be for the safety and welfare of your children. If you feel that they are suffering emotional abuse at the hands of these people, you are obligated to do whatever you can (anything you can) to make certain this does not continue. I would tell them to pound sand if I were you and the exact reasons why.

Your husband should stand behind your decision 100 percent. It is his job to stand up for you and your kids to protect all of you from hurtful things. If he pressures you to give in and let the kids go, then he needs a good slap and he is NO MAN. He might be male, but he is not a man, if you get the subtle difference.

20yrsinBranson
Just because he is not willing to continue to flog a dead horse by rehashing the same issues with his family does not mean he is not a real man. That is ridiculous.

I have a funny feeling many people on this forum do not read an entire thread before putting their two cents in...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2009, 09:57 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,144 posts, read 2,592,756 times
Reputation: 2515
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
I would tell them to pound sand if I were you and the exact reasons why.
The pound sand option sounds pretty good to me.

It's amazing to me when I hear these stories. My maternal grandparents were the most loving wonderful grandparents a girl could ask for (and they spoiled me rotten ) I didn't know my Dad's parents very well because of distance, but the few times I visited they were nice to me, although not as loving as the other set. The woman who almost became my mother-in-law is awesome and even though her son turned out to be a jerk, I still keep in touch with her and we have formed a friendship.

I'm not sure how I would handle a rotten MIL and I hope I never have to find out. It sounds like your hubby is doing the best he can, short of cutting off all ties. Hopefully keeping some distance between his parents and his kids will work out for him. It can't be easy.

I wish you luck dealing with these nutcases. Oh, speaking of nutcases, is your brother doing OK since the break up with his nutcase (fiancee).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2009, 10:02 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 17,052,951 times
Reputation: 7257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble View Post
The pound sand option sounds pretty good to me.

It's amazing to me when I hear these stories. My maternal grandparents were the most loving wonderful grandparents a girl could ask for (and they spoiled me rotten ) I didn't know my Dad's parents very well because of distance, but the few times I visited they were nice to me, although not as loving as the other set. The woman who almost became my mother-in-law is awesome and even though her son turned out to be a jerk, I still keep in touch with her and we have formed a friendship.

I'm not sure how I would handle a rotten MIL and I hope I never have to find out. It sounds like your hubby is doing the best he can, short of cutting off all ties. Hopefully keeping some distance between his parents and his kids will work out for him. It can't be easy.

I wish you luck dealing with these nutcases. Oh, speaking of nutcases, is your brother doing OK since the break up with his nutcase (fiancee).
Trop, thank yo for asking about my brother. He is doing very well and is so happy! May have a new job in the states at a major magazine as an editor so it seems life has come full circle

We all have our achilles heel...mine just happens to be my MIL... oh well, better than my husband or children
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:52 PM.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top