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I don't know if anyone is really interested in housework. I think that girls and boys tend to be raised differently, and the housework is more pushed on the girls. Even today.
Ivory, I had that exact thought you did - if I bring x much more money home or whatever, why should I have to split the housework equally? But let me tell you, that will not fly - you should have heard the screaming and shouting from my friends when I brought up that (just as an idea).
And...what do you do if someone works more hours outside the home than you but makes less money than you do? How do you divvie it up that way? I work 100 hours less a month than my wife (thereabouts) and I make 6 times as much money...so should I insist she do more housework b/c I make most of the money?
I say whoever's available...just do the work. And whoever's slacking gets a talking to.
Now somebody is a romance killer! I have been married over 25 years and my dh just doesn't do housework, laundry, cooking or yardwork. He is just lucky to be married to a hyperactive gal Honestly if I sat down and worked a graph to divide things up, well there would be no time for smooching. The person who pays the bills is doing that because they are good at it. The person doing housework, well you see the train of thought. No wonder so many people are divorcing, quit keeping score.
I don't know if anyone is really interested in housework. I think that girls and boys tend to be raised differently, and the housework is more pushed on the girls. Even today.
Ivory, I had that exact thought you did - if I bring x much more money home or whatever, why should I have to split the housework equally? But let me tell you, that will not fly - you should have heard the screaming and shouting from my friends when I brought up that (just as an idea).
And...what do you do if someone works more hours outside the home than you but makes less money than you do? How do you divvie it up that way? I work 100 hours less a month than my wife (thereabouts) and I make 6 times as much money...so should I insist she do more housework b/c I make most of the money?
I say whoever's available...just do the work. And whoever's slacking gets a talking to.
It's not really divided acording who who makes more but rather effort put in. If one person works more hours than the other, they should put in less hours at home. Also if one works harder, ditto. It's not about earning potential but rather effort put in.
I cannot see saying to my husband, "You go to ALL the wage earning but don't expect me to do all of anything in return. Everything else will be split." If I ask him to do all the wage earning and him doing so frees me up to spend 45 more hours per week at home, you're darned tootin' he has the right to expect me to do pretty much all of the housework.
It's really the only way this is a win win situation for both parents. I win because he pays the bills so I don't have to work and have lots more time at home to get things done and spend with my kids. He wins because he has more time to spend with family, kids, me and more free time because I get the housework done while he's at work and he doesn't come home to a second shift. I also win in that I don't come home to a second shift like I would if I had a full time job.
Expecting him to do all the wage earning while I still expect him to do even a third of the housework means I REALLY win as I get all of the above pluss the pigs share of the free time while he wins a little in that he does get less housework but not that much less. IMHO, the working spouse in a stay at home parent situation should not be worrying about housework. They need to worry about not overtaxing themselves so they can continue to support the family. Their job, and more importantly, their perfromance on their job is now of the utmost importance because they are the only wage earner. You don't bite the hand that feeds you or jeopardize their ability to continue to do so.
What should be split is parenting time when both parents are home. And dad needs to be free to parent the way he wants not the way mom wants. Women tend to take the lead role in parenting and then complain that dad takes a back seat. If you're always telling him what to do, what do you expect?
Honestly, if I were a working spouse and my spouse stayed at home and expected me to come home to a second shift of housework, I'd tell him to get a job and hire a housekeeper so neither of us had to come home to a second shift. While it is necessary for dual working couples who cannot afford outside help to come home to that second shift of housework, it's not when one spouse stays home. Neither should be spending their evenings cleaning house. There's plenty of time with time left over to get it done during the day so BOTH should be enjoying more laid back evenings because of the arrangement. It's too one sided if the stay at home spouse is expecting the working spouse to come home to more work because of poor time management on their part and that's what it is if they don't get it done. Babies sleep a lot so there's plenty of time to get it done, Toddlers do make more messes but they also nap and can entertain themselves while you do much of the housework. Preschoolers don't usually nap but they are pretty self sufficient as far as entertaining themselves.
If the stay at home spouse spent 20 minutes of every extra hour they are home cleaning, and still did what they would have done in the evenings if they didn't stay at home, they'd do about 25 hours a week of housework. I don't know anyone who can't keep a spotless house in 25 hours and said stay at home spouse now has 30 extra hours to do what she wants (calculations assume if the SAHP worked full time she'd work 45 hours a week and come home to 10 hours of housework). How can you not expect the stay at home spouse to do the housework when the working spouse puts in 20 more hours working before they even get home.
Before the SAHP starts even asking the working parent to do housework, they'd need to put in 45 hours first. Do you know any stay at home parent who puts in time like that working around the house? IMO, the stay at home parent is the one who has it easier even if they do everything around the house. Their only real issue is monotony and that can be dealt wtih by utilizing moms morning out or joining a play group with other moms.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 03-15-2009 at 10:53 AM..
Yes you are the exception, I along with most women have worked the entire marriage. Still I always only measured up to myself. If it was not quite right he was always free to join in. Never taken me up on it thought
I think that a woman really needs to take into consideration that we do and will bear the lion's share. Accept it or do not join up. Remember you mother told you you can not change him
Now somebody is a romance killer! I have been married over 25 years and my dh just doesn't do housework, laundry, cooking or yardwork. He is just lucky to be married to a hyperactive gal Honestly if I sat down and worked a graph to divide things up, well there would be no time for smooching. The person who pays the bills is doing that because they are good at it. The person doing housework, well you see the train of thought. No wonder so many people are divorcing, quite keeping score.
Yup, everyone brings what they can to the table. If he's taking care of her financially, why wouldn't she want to take care of him physically? If I were a stay at home mom, I'd want to know my husband benefitted from the arrangment. Is coming home to a clean house and a hot meal really that much to give someone who is out busting his butt to support you and your kids?
Yes you are the exception, I along with most women have worked the entire marriage. Still I always only measured up to myself. If it was not quite right he was always free to join in. Never taken me up on it thought
I think that a woman really needs to take into consideration that we do and will bear the lion's share. Accept it or do not join up. Remember you mother told you you can not change him
Plus we women often simply care more about the house being clean and well decorated. If I'm the one bothered by clutter, then I should be the one taking care of it. I don't have the right to expect him to adopt my standards and do things in my time. My choices are, do it myself to my standard in my time or accept him doing it to his standard in his due time. I'm less frustrated if I just do it myself.
We are getting ready to move to the country. My husband just told me, that we could sell our jeep, and I could quit working.
I think he realizes that there is going to be alot of work to be done out there, with a huge garden, mowing, etc. 50/50? Yeah. I think that evens up. He could bring in the income, and I could do the yard, and garden work.
There are days at our home when we are running 60/40, 90/10 , 100/0 but somehow it always evens out to 50/50.
Do you think your friends husband is suffering from depression or is he just a lazy guy?
Honestly, I think he is just lazy. I think, that he knows that he can get by with this, and she will just put up with it.
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Now somebody is a romance killer! I have been married over 25 years and my dh just doesn't do housework, laundry, cooking or yardwork. He is just lucky to be married to a hyperactive gal 
Honestly if I sat down and worked a graph to divide things up, well there would be no time for smooching.
The person who pays the bills is doing that because they are good at it. The person doing housework, well you see the train of thought. No wonder so many people are divorcing, quit keeping score.
