love some someone but wouldn't date (dating, boyfriend, girlfriend, marriage)
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I am recently talking to this girl and after 2 weeks I asked for us to be engage in a BF/GF relationship she refused saying that I should accept her decision without she giving me any definite answer.
I like her so kept the communication link and it drains me then two days ago; I tell her my mine based on my prior conversations with her. She couldn't sleep; sends me 2 text messages telling me " Have u ever been slapped by love, if Y just imagine it decides 2 happen at the time u feel something about that person-what do u do?.... If I ever say I don't love u I make myself a liar. My problem is I don't want 2 date. Pray u understand."
What?, I call her then she consoles in me about her 1st dating experience in high school. ( Presently in her 1st year at university).
She fell in love with me 3 months into our communication and when asked based on her text if she would want me as a BF she refuses again because of her past experience.
I tell her ok; i asked u for a relation to get to know u better because I believe that there are things one would say/ do in a BF/GF relation and not a just friend relation but u refused. Ready for the shocker- if I ask for your hand in marriage what would u say to that. Conditional yes was her response. "But how could u want to marry me only after 4 months of conversing. How do u know I'm not a bad person pretending to sweep u off your feet and later on u marry me. Are u going to say to er is human?" no response.
People I'm lost. I entered into the dating game late ( 32 yrs). My first experience was a catastrophe and my second seem to be going the same way. What is happening to women 2day. Do these not notice the divorce rate. Why would someone spend sleepless night ( based from the time I received the text messages), seems genuine concern she may lost me but accepts that as life. FYI she is 21 years old. If 2morrow i move on, she admits it's because of what she told me 4 months ago.
She even send me a picture for me 2 place on my head stand; asked 4 my picture.
Something tells me forget about it, she is young and innocent; I should find someone else.; plausibly older. Another part say accept it as it is - in my mind she is my GF but publicly she would just b a friend. Is this not cognitive dissonance?
Last edited by npumcrisz; 03-14-2009 at 10:53 AM..
Reason: proof reading
This has to be the most jumbled up post I have ever read...I am thinking that you met someone online and "think" you are in love with them. You have evidently told this someone that you do love them. This person does not want to date you but will talk with you online...THEN wonder of all wonders, you go and mention marriage to her and she sounds interested. ARE YOU NUTS? You don't know who this person is and she has no clue who you are. Why are you even considering marrying this person? She could be most anyone and it could not be good for you..harmful, dangerous to say the least.
You say you started dating late at age 32..why is that? Do you have trouble meeting people in person? You sound like you might have an issue discerning between the real world of dating and online dating. Stuff on here with relationships is not real for the most part...the internet is a paradise for sexual deviant people and predators so you have to be careful.
Please, don't corespond with this "person" any longer and if you are the one who is "strange".....get some help.
This has to be the most jumbled up post I have ever read...I am thinking that you met someone online and "think" you are in love with them. You have evidently told this someone that you do love them. This person does not want to date you but will talk with you online...THEN wonder of all wonders, you go and mention marriage to her and she sounds interested. ARE YOU NUTS? You don't know who this person is and she has no clue who you are. Why are you even considering marrying this person? She could be most anyone and it could not be good for you..harmful, dangerous to say the least.
You say you started dating late at age 32..why is that? Do you have trouble meeting people in person? You sound like you might have an issue discerning between the real world of dating and online dating. Stuff on here with relationships is not real for the most part...the internet is a paradise for sexual deviant people and predators so you have to be careful.
Please, don't corespond with this "person" any longer and if you are the one who is "strange".....get some help.
if u read my previous post on CD i am totally against cyber relationship. just the mere thought freaks me out- i could be talking to a kid, a homosexual and the list goes on for crying out loud.
never saw the importance of dating eventhough i was approached by friends and my parents included tried out of concern. that is y i stated dating at 32
If she says "yes" to engagement for marriage, it may becuase she sees your intentions are honorable and serious.
However, give yourself and her 1-2 years of spending time together (in person, not through letters, in person) to know each other before you actually get married. That is only fair to both of you.
Also, if she is still in university, allow her to finish her degree and finish university before marriage. It is only fair to her. Again, spend that time getting to know each other, both of you.
Take good care of yourself, too, see that she is not "using you" to just have a "boyfriend" out there somewhere. Make sure she knows you as a person, and wants to be with you as a person for who you are. I would be a little suspicious she could "fall in love with you" if you haven't spent much time together in person. But at least there is an attraction and interest.
There are no short-cuts. Continue writing, continue seeing each other, without jumping into anything like getting married. Nothing wrong with a long engagement, even if it is for her next 4 years in college. See it as a time for you two to get to know each other better. Talk about your interests, your families, your futures, children, whatever it is you would like to see in your future.
For many women, a man proves he is serious about wanting to be with her, by giving her time. Yes, 21 is young. See what she says when she is 25 and out of college.
An older man pressured me to marry him while I was in college, he was 28, I was 20. It was a mistake. It would have been better for me to wait. And the marriage would have had a better chance of lasting, had we not rushed things.
But if you can not wait, and want to date other women, then go ahead and do that also, you must do what feels right for you. Women don't like to feel pressured, because it sends the message they are not respected, and it sends the message a man only wants to sleep with her. Not saying that is you at all, but it is how many women view being pressured to jump into something.
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 03-15-2009 at 11:20 AM..
You are 32 years old and she is only 21 years old. Not only that, you have no experience dating. I think that you should seek a woman that is closer to your own age to date. You are ready to date and then get married. At 21, she's not ready to enter such a serious relationship. Not only that, but it sounds like you've only had a few face to face conversations with her plus several text messaging sessions... and no real dates with her. I feel that you are jumping the gun when you are asking her to be your girlfriend. You should take her out on a few dates before asking her to be your girlfriend.
I think that if you were to date a woman that is older than 21 and closer to your own age, she will have enough confidence and experience to make the relationship a success. And someone that is older will be more accepting and forgiving of your lack of relationship experience.
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Love but wouldn't date
Ummm.....maybe you need to get off the net, and sit down with this girl/women, in person. 
