Men - what does "high maintenance woman" mean to you? (wives, marry)

[Mearth]

I'm happy to see that men prefer low maintenance, because I avoid jobs that require me to "dress up." Be it a casual office, or more often, a nontraditional job (lifeguard, personal trainer, adolescent mentor, EMT...)

I like looking nice once in awhile, but I can feel cute in a sweatshirt and a good pair of jeans.

Plus, I usually prefer sneakers to any other shoes (this is one of the first things I tell prospective dates), because more opportunities arise that require them rather than heels: chasing after or spontaneously playing with my dog, climbing a fence because it's there, or even running into the street to help an accident victim.

[Mearth]

Originally Posted by NotARedneck

Real life high maintenence is the female opposite number of the type of man that many women on this site regularly warn about. She'll have one or more of: emotional problems, spending addictions, problems with basic trust and delusions of deserving better than she actually warrants.

In short, she's a screw up. Within short order, people will be whispering behind your back. Many men have difficulty with this. While a woman will be applauded for dumping such a man, and usually has severe emotional problems herself if she won't, a guy will be dumped on by many for not "supporting" her.

Men are supposed to be protective, whereas women are supposed to be protected. Its a double standard that means that men must be extra careful. Most of these problems can be hidden for quite a while. A quickie marriage will reveal them within weeks.

Oh! Men are SO much better at hiding their mental/emotional crap than women are! They repress it for years, all the while their hangups sabotage relationship after relationship and they go on blaming the woman - "she was too high maintenance" - Why? Because she was actually DEALING with her crap?

I have a good male friend, my age, who grew up in a very similar fashion as I did - his parents had mental health issues, mine had addiction issues. I went into therapy and support groups years ago, while he continued to have stress-related GI problems, and more recently, panic attacks. He finally came to me and admitted he needed help, and I was able to understand because I'd gone through it all.

The difference is, he's married, and I'm single. WOMEN support men through their baggage, while MEN abandon the women.

Why? Because if a man is with a woman who is open and honest about her flaws, it means the MAN might have to face HIMSELF.

[Arf Arf]

Basically, it's a woman who's so insecure that she can't accept herself which is why she's always asking "What are you thinking?"--hoping the answer is "about you", or so insecure that she always has to look perfect just to go out and get the mail.

Most men, I believe, want a woman who is secure enough with herself that she doesn't crap her pants if her husband talks to the male neighbor next door.

[sweetpotater58]

My definition is that of a woman who is never satisfied period-with anything! Griping and complaining. Hey, if some of you think it means a woman who keeps herself looking nice-then I am missing something, I call a woman who keeps herself looking great a woman who is not high maintenance, but pure class all the way.

[shania]

In reference to that other thread where this question arose from, we talked about how most guys say they want a woman to be attractive and fit, etc., and that requires most woman to spend time working out, putting on makeup, getting their nails done, whatever, so doesn't that result in them being a little high maintenance? Or as long as they're paying for all their shopping and salon trips themselves, does that absolve them from that label? In other words, is it a time issue, a money issue, or that they are focused on their physical beauty (even if it's to try to look as attractive as possible to the man in her life)?

As for the emotional high maintenance definition, some of you guys describe "needy" and some are describing "bitchy". A woman seems to be needy if she has to be touching you constantly, maybe texting you all the time, constantly seeking reassurance that the relationship is solid, etc. And she's bitchy if she's complaining all the time, criticizing, etc. Okay, this I understand. Women don't like dealing with guys who are like that either.

[Interpol76]

Women that need CONSTANT attention. Either by constantly pumping money into them or by somehow repeatedly filling their emotional insecurities over and over and over again on a regular basis.

[IZthe411]

It's wrong to assume that a guy is insecure, cheap/broke, or doesn't appreciate his woman looking nice and keeping themselves up because they don't want a HM woman. I don't want my girl running to the supermarket in dirty sweats or pajama bottoms. THat's trifling. But if she has to have the most expensive of everything, then yeah I have a problem. There's a lot of ways to accomplish a look. I have a lot of respect for a woman who can work an outlet or second hand store over someone who has to carry a Saks bag around to feel worthwhile.

[Submariner]

Originally Posted by IZthe411

I think it's pretty straightforward. Anything high maintenance requires a lot of time, money and attention. So a HM female would be one who isn't necessarily attractive, but puts a lot of time money and attention to her looks. The end result may not even be worth it, either.

It's a turn off.

I think it has a lot to do with confidence.

I married a LM girl.

We have had foster-children who were HM girls.

And I do see the differences.

Some 'people' [both male or female] have the confidence to put on clothing, brush their hair and to go out in public.

Other people need to spend a great deal of effort, and second guessing, into what their appearance will be and how it reflects their mood.

[Stac2007]

Back in the day when I was dating, a high maintenance woman meant nothing short of selfishness. I never gave them any mind. If I was going to marry, I it would be with a women who had a great deal of intelligence and short on the want of wealth. Who wants to marry a woman who sees your wealth or ability to provide as an overwhelming factor in a relationship and then have them sleep with other men when the relationship gets old?

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by NotARedneck

This is the myth of high maintenence that few men have to worry about. Such women know what they need, financially, in a man and if she has what it takes to attract such a man, will find him. Unless he goes through a market set back, he will have an easy time handling and paying for her until such time as she no longer "has what it takes". At that time, he will often "trade her in" for a new trophy and she will now have to inflicy herself on unsuspecting average guys.

Real life high maintenence is the female opposite number of the type of man that many women on this site regularly warn about. She'll have one or more of: emotional problems, spending addictions, problems with basic trust and delusions of deserving better than she actually warrants.

In short, she's a screw up. Within short order, people will be whispering behind your back. Many men have difficulty with this. While a woman will be applauded for dumping such a man, and usually has severe emotional problems herself if she won't, a guy will be dumped on by many for not "supporting" her.

Men are supposed to be protective, whereas women are supposed to be protected. Its a double standard that means that men must be extra careful.

I don't know a single female that would encourage a man to support such a woman. The opposite is true, in my experience. I could provide many such examples from my own workplace in fact. Woman that are emotionally stable, have decent smarts and common sense, have no desire to see a man enabling such behavior.

And I disagree on this "double standard" you speak of. The protected/protective thought is really more of a physical thing. But I doubt you would find many women that truly love their man, that would not do everything they could to protect him, in whatever situation called for it.