How can I love my body? (girls, younger, attractive, personality)

[lionking]

Read the threads on this forum and you'll see that people have different tastes and ALOT of guys don't like the airbrushed Playboy look.Although I'll admit big boobs are awesome tehehe.....

And as far as porn some of the hottest porn is amatuer everyday people doing it,not always the Jenna Jameson types.


Been thinking about learning while my guitar gently weeps btw,Jeff Healy version.

[amanda0808]

Originally Posted by lionking

Read the threads on this forum and you'll see that people have different tastes and ALOT of guys don't like the airbrushed Playboy look.

This is some great insight and it should give you a little confidence boost

[DennyCrane]

Originally Posted by weeping_guitar

I'm thin, but my body is very plain, common, ordinary, I don't know how to put it. You know, I'm pretty average. 5'5, thin, small B cup breasts... I could do some toning, but it wouldn't make too much of a difference. I'm brunette, brown eyes... totally average. Not stunning at all.

I dated a girl like this. I liked her the way she was and what made her so attractive was that she seemed to be OK with the way she was too. Confidence is a very attractive quality. There are women who are very confident in themselves even if there are women in the room who are thinner, younger, fitter, etc. They give no indication that they're bothered by it. I think your boyfriend was pretty foolish to describe the women in porn as "ideal". What a stupid thing to say. And at what point is he going to outgrow the porn? It gets old after a while.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by weeping_guitar

I don't really like my body, never have. I'm thin, but my body is very plain, common, ordinary, I don't know how to put it. You know, I'm pretty average. 5'5, thin, small B cup breasts... I could do some toning, but it wouldn't make too much of a difference. I'm brunette, brown eyes... totally average. Not stunning at all.

This is something that's been with me since I hit puberty. My friends always got guys (I never went on more than two dates during high school, and it always was with guys from other schools. I felt like such a loser). It was never too bothersome, though. Until now.

I'm not stupid, I knew from the begining my boyfriend probably watched porn. And while I was always self conscious, I had never been as body conscious as I am today. He's shown me the type of porn he enjoys, in the hopes that I'll be ok with it (he knows about my issues), for me to see it's not a big deal. But it's the typical "playmate" look of these girls that make me super self conscious - big breasts, tiny waists, white (we're latinos), toned all over, blonde hair, blue eyes, big butts, etc, etc. I know, I know "no guy would ever want to date a porn star, they have sex with everybody". No one is saying that's what I fear... I know he doesn't like the easy kind of girls. But, that doesn't mean that he also believes these girls' bodies are the "ideal".

He believes the ideal body is one that no normal woman can achieve. He says these women are chosen because they're hot and that's their job, that it's just fantasy. You know, tipycal male answers... Like I have to get over it. I know I have to. But this "entitlement" attitude men have towards porn (my boyfriend included) doesn't sit very well with me. I don't have sex toys or read romance novels. But I guess we're different.

How can I get over it and not let it affect me? That he has this "ideal" body in his mind, that he thinks is the perfect body. It bothers me also that this so called "ideal body" is not only in porn but in mainstream comedies (like Beerfest and such things), and well Maxim, beer ads, even women's publications sometimes (which I don't read, but whatever). So every time we're together watching something and some bleached blonde woman is prancing around topless, I feel this pang of jealousy. I keep quiet about it though.

I don't really have male ideals, at least not mainstream ones. I don't like muscular, hairless guys. Usually I like real guys more than "fake" ones. I've even been told I don't have the best taste in men, but well, that's my business. It's subjective also. Anyway, my boyfriend is the hottest guy I've been with and no one can compare, he's just ideal for me. But again, we're different.

How can I stop being so stupid? I wish I was cool like those girlfriends and wives who don't care if their partners look at these women, or go to strip clubs or whatever. I wish I was as confident. I just with I was also his ideal. That my breasts were bigger, my butt too, my waist toned, etc. I could only tone my waist, IF I could, since I've heard you have to drop body fat to dangerous levels for the muscle to show.

How can I get over this? I just hate the fact that every other woman is more attractive than me, because even women around me are closer to the "ideal" than I am. I know he chose me, but it doesn't help when we're together and I know some other woman who passes by is more attractive to him than me. I'm not naive, I know he must think so, so I don't ask or say anything. I just don't like that, I feel ugly and undesirable. Yes, love is important, but I believe we all want to be attractive to our partners. I'm sure if I was busty, white, blonde, blue eyed, had a big butt, was thinner and toned I wouldn't care if he watched porn, but I feel inferior, especially with what he said when he tried to explain. I know he was trying to reassure me, but it worked the other way, sadly.

I hate being so stupid! Rationally I know this shouldn't be a big deal, but irrationally, it just won't sink!

I THINK YOUR STUPID FOR WANTING TO BE SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT, AND OBSESSING ON THIS SO MUCH THAT HE ACTUALLY HAS YOU THINKING ABOUT IT SO MUCH SO...

And I would never date a man who was addicted to porn. He is actually trying to justify his reason for watching it, through the women...

is it no wonder you feel insecure...but I don't believe the real root of your insecureness comes from within, but from your boyfriend.

he is not right for you...and you need to find someone who will love you for the beauty that you are.

each of us is unique in our own ways...you cannot be expected to be someone you are not....

actually, and to be honest, I have a strong dislike for your boyfriend
and am shocked that you would want to please him so much, you have decided to compromise your identity.

creme

[orangeapple]

Originally Posted by weeping_guitar

Also because if we broke up, I'd not find someone who I could connect like I do with him, and because 99% percent of men think porn is great and like these women too.

That's why I want to be "cool" and accept it.

Not true. There are men out there who are not into porn, or at least not these type of women in porn.

If this is a huge issue for you, then you need to talk to him about it. Ultimately, if he respects you, then he will take your feelings into account over the porn. If he doesn't, you should not let fear of not finding someone who respects your feelings keep you in a relationship that is eating your self-esteem.

Being the "cool girlfriend" is not okay if that means allowing someone to steamroll over your feelings and do something that disrespects you. That doesn't make him a very "cool" boyfriend, does it?

As for your body confidence, one good way to build more is to work out. Even if you don't see a lot of changes, you will feel better about your body, and your mood will be more positive. Those are subtle ways to improve an already slender body too. You can build muscle to look more toned and shapely all over, you can get a rounder & firmer butt by riding a bike, and you can get better posture and stronger stomach muscles so you look taller and appear to have a flatter tummy.
I've always been thin and my body has not changed a lot from exercising, but when I do it regularly, I feel like I look better.

[cremebrulee]

You stated you share values...
No you don't...and I don't get you making excuses for this looser. Your having these kind of problems now, guess what, it gets worse, after your married.

What your doing is merely accepting him and enabling him to treat you the way you do.

as another poster said, you have very low esteem, otherwise, you wouldn't be posting the questions you posted here.

you obviously what someone to wave a magical wand so you can be turned into one of those girls your boyfriend watches.

Guess what.. even if you could be transformed, your boyfriend would soon tire of you.

Your boyfriend has severe problems...and I'm so shocked that you not only would accept so little, but also, empower and enable adn excuse his immoral behavior.

You are so desperate to have someone in your life, that you would accept this kind of behavior...

The Beatles and Guitar mean nothing when it comes to choosing a mate, and you want to make certain that mate is morally compatable, b/c people do not change their morals and beliefs. This is who he is, the way he was raised, and no matter how much someone loves you, or not, they don't change.

[Sprawling_Homeowner]

Here’s a man’s perspective.

Weeping_Guitar, the first thing you must tell yourself is that your body is unique. No two women are built similarly: from skin pigmentation to height to weight to leg length to breast size, no two women have the same body.

Second, you need to tell yourself that those women in the movies your boyfriend are not “real.” Yes, they are real human beings, but many of them undergo surgery (plastic and breast enlargement). There are many women in the “real world” who have voluptuous bodies, but not all women are like them.

Third, you have to understand and accept that your body should be a source of pride and satisfaction for you and you only. If your boyfriend can’t or won’t love you not only for who you are, but also the body the REAL you is encapsulated in, he is shallow, immature, and selfish. He cannot see beyond the surface, and he needs to grow up.

Fourth, you must learn that just because a woman is hot, she isn’t necessarily happy or in good company. Perhaps women with “hot” bodies get attention more often, and they can seduce men easily, and men want them. But this doesn’t guarantee happiness. I’ve known a couple of “hotties” who struggled to find a good man who would love them for THEM rather than for their faces, breasts, butts, or legs.

And finally, don’t ever compare yourself to porn starlets. I’m not denigrating those women, because they are real life, flesh & blood humans like us. But, many of them have killed themselves (you’d be surprised at the stats of porn stars of both genders who shot themselves dead – if they were so proud of their bodies and so happy, why end their lives?); many of them came from drug abuse/broken homes and some were rape victims. Many are beaten, abused, and humiliated by the men they work with – even Jenna Jameson, a very successful and wealthy porn starlet who has a body any heterosexual man would like, has written that being in porn forces women to have sex with men they find unattractive, with men who are rough and violent, and that they must endure demeaning and dehumanizing situations (I won’t get graphic, but I can provide you a URL where excerpts of her own book prove all this).

You must love yourself as you ARE before you are ready to be loved by others, and if this boyfriend of yours compares you to porn, it’s a HUGE red flag. I won’t condemn him so much because he uses porn (although that isn’t good either) but because he’s allowing that to become an issue in your relationship.

I say get a new boyfriend or demand he change his ways. I’m a man, I’m no saint, and I know how men can be.

Good luck!

[runrgirl]

You sound like an attractive female from what you describe. You can begin to love your body first by what it is-- HEALTHY. You don't say you have any illnesses, you can walk, you don't have to survive hooked up to machines, you are able to have sex, eat, take care of yourself- many do not have those gifts. Second, there is no one else on earth who has your body, mind or soul- you have YOUR own unique beauty and there is not another woman on earth who can emulate that. Sure, your boyfriend could pick someone else but it wouldn't be you. Third, be confident about this. Confidence is the ultimate turn on to men or women. Be proud of YOUR body. Regarding your comment about your breasts, any woman ( including you) can go out and get a boob job and fit the cookie cutter image society seems to worship. And, those are personal reasons of the woman's own business for her to decide what is right for her but is not something I understand. I am happy with my perky size B breasts and have never had any complaints.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by runrgirl

You sound like an attractive female from what you describe. You can begin to love your body first by what it is-- HEALTHY. You don't say you have any illnesses, you can walk, you don't have to survive hooked up to machines, you are able to have sex, eat, take care of yourself- many do not have those gifts. Second, there is no one else on earth who has your body, mind or soul- you have YOUR own unique beauty and there is not another woman on earth who can emulate that. Sure, your boyfriend could pick someone else but it wouldn't be you. Third, be confident about this. Confidence is the ultimate turn on to men or women. Be proud of YOUR body. Regarding your comment about your breasts, any woman ( including you) can go out and get a boob job and fit the cookie cutter image society seems to worship. And, those are personal reasons of the woman's own business for her to decide what is right for her but is not something I understand. I am happy with my perky size B breasts and have never had any complaints.

great post...if you can't love your body, you don't love yourself, and you cannot love others or have any concept of what real love is until you do.

[coldwine]

My advice is to shut the hell up with the whining, accept that nobody really loves their body (I've certainly never "loved" my body, although I have a very positive self image) and move on.