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I know there are many nice single people out there, and all of us at one time have had disappointments in relationships, and I've certainly had plenty of them as well.
After such disappointments, many of us learn and we become wiser... and I'm not talking about the Bud kind of Wiser.. Sorry, I just had to throw that in there.
Anyways, would you say that those disappointments made you into that "No More Mr. Guy"/"No More Miss Nice Gal" kind of person, or would you say that it hasn't changed you and you're still the same nice person you've always been, just a little wiser?
With me, wisdom doesn't mean that I have to adopt that no-more-nice attitude, and I probably never will. No More Mr. Guy is a good Alice Cooper song, but just because somebody broke your heart, that doesn't mean the next person has to pay for it.
I know there are many nice single people out there, and all of us at one time have had disappointments in relationships, and I've certainly had plenty of them as well.
After such disappointments, many of us learn and we become wiser... and I'm not talking about the Bud kind of Wiser.. Sorry, I just had to throw that in there.
Anyways, would you say that those disappointments made you into that "No More Mr. Guy"/"No More Miss Nice Gal" kind of person, or would you say that it hasn't changed you and you're still the same nice person you've always been, just a little wiser?
With me, wisdom doesn't mean that I have to adopt that no-more-nice attitude, and I probably never will. No More Mr. Guy is a good Alice Cooper song, but just because somebody broke your heart, that doesn't mean the next person has to pay for it.
You make a good point, Mike. Although I am married, I remember what it was like when I was dating.
I admit that I have walked away from relationships in the past with bruised and battered feelings and just wasn't up for dealing with anyone else. When your feelings are raw from a relationship gone sour, it's hard to be Mr. Nice Guy or Miss Nice Gal. I think that is a very good reason why folks should steer clear of a new relationship to give their hurts a chance to heal. It allows you to show someone new the real you, not the angry, hurt or bitter person you became when the relationship went south.
As I get older, I've noticed that my tolerance for BS is much less than it was 10-15 years ago. My expectations are higher because I've learned a few things along the way. Most folks think I'm a nice, funny and friendly person but that I will put someone in check pretty darned fast if they step over my boundaries. I guess in my case you could say that I am still a nice person but a much wiser and more wary one.
I have to agree with the part of making us wiser. Ive been walked on, controlled, cheated, and yes, even tossed around a bit, for years. Many times. Which kinda puts a damper on the desire for anything in the future. Of course, we hear the same thing over and over again...how they wouldnt ever try to control you, or hurt you.....or pout, until they get their way. And guess what? We end up giving in or we remain walking on eggshells till somebody gives in. My daughter in Az is a VERY prime example what she's going through, but doesnt want to see what everyone else sees and is trying to warn her.
Sometimes we dont always foresee things like this coming. When we first hook up with a guy (or anyone) they are nice. Charming. Kind. But once they get hold of your heart, guess what happens a couple of years down the line? Yep. They tear you apart, or they become the controlling person you just left. Or they end up cheating you. Been there done that game too, its no fun.
So, unless we want to settle out of desperation, can you blame some who have been there too many times for being nervous about committing? Yes, one of these times the 'right' person can come along and you end up pushing them another direction. I did that about 13 years ago. But you can thank the ones who have taught you well, for that.
This doesnt only apply to men. Im sure many women out there have gone through this too. What a shame. Maybe some therapy would help some, but who can afford that anymore??
Im with ya here Mike. Been there done that. Hang in there, I'll (try to) catch ya if you fall.
If anyone had a reason to abhor men, it would be me. I don't know how I manage to give everyone a clean slate, it has to be the big guy working through me, but I do. I do know that being angry and bitter is like cancer to my spirit. When other people are that way around me, it is almost palpable and it's draining. So I put it all behind me, acknowledge my part in it, learn from it and look forward to something new. New for me, right now, is being alone and enjoying my own company.
I have made changes that would seem, to other people, that I am no longer Ms. Nice. My friends call me a cyborg. Others think I am shallow, selfish and unemotional. But a) they don't define me and b) they haven't been in my shoes and c) they're not my target audience. So they can have their say, it won't change anything.
I have to agree with the part of making us wiser. Ive been walked on, controlled, cheated, and yes, even tossed around a bit, for years. Many times. Which kinda puts a damper on the desire for anything in the future. Of course, we hear the same thing over and over again...how they wouldnt ever try to control you, or hurt you.....or pout, until they get their way. And guess what? We end up giving in or we remain walking on eggshells till somebody gives in. My daughter in Az is a VERY prime example what she's going through, but doesnt want to see what everyone else sees and is trying to warn her.
Sometimes we dont always foresee things like this coming. When we first hook up with a guy (or anyone) they are nice. Charming. Kind. But once they get hold of your heart, guess what happens a couple of years down the line? Yep. They tear you apart, or they become the controlling person you just left. Or they end up cheating you. Been there done that game too, its no fun.
So, unless we want to settle out of desperation, can you blame some who have been there too many times for being nervous about committing? Yes, one of these times the 'right' person can come along and you end up pushing them another direction. I did that about 13 years ago. But you can thank the ones who have taught you well, for that.
This doesnt only apply to men. Im sure many women out there have gone through this too. What a shame. Maybe some therapy would help some, but who can afford that anymore??
Im with ya here Mike. Been there done that. Hang in there, I'll (try to) catch ya if you fall.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
If anyone had a reason to abhor men, it would be me. I don't know how I manage to give everyone a clean slate, it has to be the big guy working through me, but I do. I do know that being angry and bitter is like cancer to my spirit. When other people are that way around me, it is almost palpable and it's draining. So I put it all behind me, acknowledge my part in it, learn from it and look forward to something new. New for me, right now, is being alone and enjoying my own company.
I have made changes that would seem, to other people, that I am no longer Ms. Nice. My friends call me a cyborg. Others think I am shallow, selfish and unemotional. But a) they don't define me and b) they haven't been in my shoes and c) they're not my target audience. So they can have their say, it won't change anything.
I've heard the old saying "Nice guys finish last" millions of times before, and even though I've experienced heartbreaks and disappointments, I'm not going to turn into a mean and a rotten person just because of those few disappointments. It is wrong to adopt a "No more Mr. Nice Guy" attitude, because it's not in my nature, and I know my Christian beliefs tell me to love others, even when they don't treat you with the same level of love you've given them. It's unfortunate, and we all know, that there are those who will take advantage of you when they see your good nature as a weakness, and know that you are desperate to find that special person, and like Livewire mentioned, you end up very disappointed.
I've heard the old saying "Nice guys finish last" millions of times before, and even though I've experienced heartbreaks and disappointments, I'm not going to turn into a mean and a rotten person just because of those few disappointments. It is wrong to adopt a "No more Mr. Nice Guy" attitude, because it's not in my nature, and I know my Christian beliefs tell me to love others, even when they don't treat you with the same level of love you've given them. It's unfortunate, and we all know, that there are those who will take advantage of you when they see your good nature as a weakness, and know that you are desperate to find that special person, and like Livewire mentioned, you end up very disappointed.
Good for you. The harsh reality is that people will only do what you allow them to. So, phooey on them for being ugly, but we can stop it at any time - for the most part. The beginning is the best time to do that.
I don't believe my heart will change. Being in the situations described above, I still have an open heart and no matter what happens it will always be that way. Wiser? Yes definitely! Cautious does not equal "no more Miss Nice". It means taking more time. It means really searching my heart. If the love is not reciprocated then 2 people are not happy, only one is. But how can that be? I can not continue to give and give if it is not reciprocated. That is not healthy for anyone.
There is someone who keeps thinking I will change my mind, but deep down I know he knows the truth. We are continuing to be friends but I do not let him go down that road of untruths.
My heart will always be open, I can not and will not change who I am. I have been a doormat, used and abused, but no more, but that does not mean a closed heart.
I'm not sure if I will ever fall in love again. I hope so.
So I understand where you are coming from Mike and nice guys do not finish last.
I know there are many nice single people out there, and all of us at one time have had disappointments in relationships, and I've certainly had plenty of them as well.
After such disappointments, many of us learn and we become wiser... and I'm not talking about the Bud kind of Wiser.. Sorry, I just had to throw that in there.
Anyways, would you say that those disappointments made you into that "No More Mr. Guy"/"No More Miss Nice Gal" kind of person, or would you say that it hasn't changed you and you're still the same nice person you've always been, just a little wiser?
With me, wisdom doesn't mean that I have to adopt that no-more-nice attitude, and I probably never will. No More Mr. Guy is a good Alice Cooper song, but just because somebody broke your heart, that doesn't mean the next person has to pay for it.
Mike, I know life can sometimes cause people to become jaded, but I can't imagine that happening to you! Keep your positive outlook and good things will come your way. I firmly believe what you put out into the world is what you'll get back from it. In your case, lots of nice stuff is coming your way
.....
Im with ya here Mike. Been there done that. Hang in there, I'll (try to) catch ya if you fall.
Thanks Livewire.. I just wish you were there when I fell after I tripped over that stack of Victoria's Secret catalogs a few days ago..
I'm only kidding of course, but thanks for the encouraging thoughts everyone.
Last edited by Magnum Mike; 03-17-2009 at 01:17 PM..
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Sorry, I just had to throw that in there. 
