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Packed, stuffy lower Manhattan eatery. I'm with a group. Combination happy hour/dinner. Everyone is in a great mood; we're looking forward to our various appetizers and entrees. We're hungry, and we are going to drink, to get silly, and to laugh.
I'm sitting there in a relaxed, quiet mood. And, as I sip my drink, I casually turn my head to the left... and the sight I see stuns me.
It had been a while since seeing a woman had given me butterflies. In recent time, when I feel that way, it's because I have run into an ex with whom I had a bad breakup. But this was different.
The woman walked at a fast pace, not very "lady-like;" it was obvious she was heading to the restroom. I looked at her face, and she noticed me. Her eyes caught mine for an instant, and she continued on her way.
Was it her?
I lost my composure for a moment; one of the ladies in my table asked me if I was all right. She'd had a bit much to drink while we waited for our table, so she was too buzzed to be discreet. "Sprawling, are you all right? What's wrong? You look so tense. Everything OK?"
I just smile and say, "oh, I'm fine, just hungry."
I return to my drink, look down, and think. Was it her? It looked just like her, but this girl was a little taller.
I decide to act - to confront this girl and see if it was my ex. But I am a second too late; the girl suddenly appears, marching back. I let her go a few steps, and excuse myself... and follow her. But by the time I catch up to her, she's already sitting down, with a girlfriend. And her back is turned.
Usually, I am not one to shy away from "awkward situations," and was tempted to go up to her. Too cheesy to say, "excuse me, are you Elizabeth?" So, I think, should I go up to her and say, "Elizabeth, it's been a while!!!" so that if the girl isn't her, I will be guilty of just a mistake?
I walk back to my table. Perhaps my courage isn't what it was. And then, sipping my drink again, I think...
"... it can't be Elizabeth. This girl is taller. This is an NYU hangout area; that girl walked like an undergrad, dressed like one. And why wouldn't she be with her husband on a Friday night?" And she lives quite far from here... why would she hang out here?"
Still, the curiosity, and my regret over not having seen for certain whether it was Elizabeth or not, tugged at me the rest of the night. So, at a dive bar after dinner, while my party got plastered, I merely stood there soberly beer after beer. It took my buddy to tell me to 'relax,' as well as a rum cocktail and a shot of tequila, for me to return to my "pre-encounter" self.
I'd found her online 1 1/2 year ago, and saw she was still dating the same man she began to go out with after we broke up - nay, after I, in my foolishness, rejected her. And recent anonymous visits to her homepage showed she got married last year.
I don't remember seeing a ring on that left hand... but still. Ironic. I'd been wondering all this time how she was, and now that I had an unexpected, unpredictable chance to (perhaps) talk to her... if it WAS her... I lacked the chutzpah.
so next time in a similar situation
you will say to the person what you wish you had said, "Elizabeth" or whatever and see if it is her
then you will know and won't have to deal with the what-ifs
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