What would u say to an individual with the following characteristics

[npumcrisz]

Originally Posted by dave nz

Lets face it....you are making this post because you are concerned you are not meeting enough women. My advice get out into social situations more, don't pass up invitations. You see someone you like get talking and then exchange numbers with her. Its really not that difficult, once u get in the habit it becomes routine. If she rejects you so be it don't take it personally, plenty more fish in the sea, keep on keeping on.

Jumping into conclusion? read my prior post when someone did

Hanging out is easy to state but there aren't enough invitations nor friends to hang out with. I for one do but can't every time they want. Sometimes it's boring to go "solo". But not everyone can do that. Hence what do u tell them?

[Tzaphkiel]

Originally Posted by artsyguy

Maybe taking life way too seriously is his idea of fun?

Maybe cleaning is his way of maintaining self esteem?

People can be so different and I just don't see why anybody should change them.

i'm not saying change in anyway
i'm saying be who exactly he is, be himself, that is who he is supposed to be
and i'm saying see who he is in a positive light rather than a negative light

[thriftylefty]

I wouldn't go meeting people in places where you don't think you would like to come back to on a regular basis. If you hate loud bars why hook up with someone at a bar who will expect you to bring them there all the time. Try meeting people at places you enjoy being, your real personality will shine with out any effort.

[Threerun]

Originally Posted by DimSumRaja

i'm not saying change in anyway
i'm saying be who exactly he is, be himself, that is who he is supposed to be
and i'm saying see who he is in a positive light rather than a negative light

x eleventybillion

[jimboburnsy]

Originally Posted by npumcrisz

U lost me

You should probably watch the movie Swingers with Vince Vaughan and John Favreau. Great flick with great quotes.

[DennyCrane]

Originally Posted by npumcrisz

The individual is

1. Attractive
2. Educated
3. Middle class citizen
4. Shy
5. Low self-esteem
6. Difficulty talking to the opposite sex.
7. Rarely socializes not a party type.
8. Average to clean freak.
9. Stern looking - tends to take life seriously.

This sounds a lot like me, except I don't really think of myself as shy or suffering from low self-esteem and I can talk to the opposite sex pretty easily.

A lot of advice has been given and as an introvert, I think a lot of it is just wrong. First, you can't push folks like us out of our comfort zone. If you drag us to a party or some other social function, we won't like it. You have to give us the chance to decide. Pressuring won't work. Second, we're introverts so being among crowds can be draining. You have to accept that and not make us feel like misfits for wanting to spend time alone. Third, find the things we're good at or like and encourage us to find ways to continue doing those things in a group setting. For example, if you enjoy running, then join a running group instead of running by yourself.

[Granny Sue]

Originally Posted by DennyCrane

[/list] This sounds a lot like me, except I don't really think of myself as shy or suffering from low self-esteem and I can talk to the opposite sex pretty easily.

A lot of advice has been given and as an introvert, I think a lot of it is just wrong. First, you can't push folks like us out of our comfort zone. If you drag us to a party or some other social function, we won't like it. You have to give us the chance to decide. Pressuring won't work. Second, we're introverts so being among crowds can be draining. You have to accept that and not make us feel like misfits for wanting to spend time alone. Third, find the things we're good at or like and encourage us to find ways to continue doing those things in a group setting. For example, if you enjoy running, then join a running group instead of running by yourself.

What was asked is what we thought. Not if we would force you to do anything about it.

I couldn't deal with constantly boosting one's ego nor compensating for the shyness.

So that was the answer.

It would then be up to YOU what you wanted to do about it.

Relationships are a two way street.

[stepka]

A couple of things were said here by those who don't fit this description and I believe they are misconceptions. One is that you'd be leading the conversation all the time with shy people, but the fact is that once a shy person gets comfortable with you, you'll have a hard time getting them to be quiet--it's only at first that you can't get much out of them.

The other is that this type of person would be clingy--nothing could be further from the truth--we need our personal space more than most and clinginess would be much less of a problem than trying to get us to go somewhere we don't want to go. My dad fit this description also and my mother complained that he would sometimes get up and go to his workshop when they had friends over for dinner. I guess he just went on social overload and couldn't handle it anymore.

Also, no one has a low self-esteem on all points, and most of us (this personality type) have a high self-esteem when it comes to things like education--the OP mentioned that he is attractive and well educated--it's socially that most of us suffer, and when we have that one special person plus a few close friends, we can be perfectly happy. You can trace that back to our high school from hell days when we weren't treated too well to see why our self image might be suffering in that department.

[npumcrisz]

Originally Posted by DennyCrane

[/list] This sounds a lot like me, except I don't really think of myself as shy or suffering from low self-esteem and I can talk to the opposite sex pretty easily.

A lot of advice has been given and as an introvert, I think a lot of it is just wrong. First, you can't push folks like us out of our comfort zone. If you drag us to a party or some other social function, we won't like it. You have to give us the chance to decide. Pressuring won't work. Second, we're introverts so being among crowds can be draining. You have to accept that and not make us feel like misfits for wanting to spend time alone. Third, find the things we're good at or like and encourage us to find ways to continue doing those things in a group setting. For example, if you enjoy running, then join a running group instead of running by yourself.

News flash most of the posters on this thread are extroverts and sterotype. For example because I am male, the pronoun he is used most often. What about females. Did the original post focus on any sex/ person?

I'm not saying extroverts do not share some or all of the features from the original post- knowledge of psychology WRT sociocultural plus emigration sometimes plays a part. Thus an extrovert could easily be falsely labeled an introvert. I'm an immigrant and there are certain things i would commit sucide b4 performing. It's just against my culture but "we" tend to hear "American's sometimes state; "when u are in Rome do what the Roman do"

Introverts must learn to adapt. U sound educated thus I highly recommend helping others like u to "superficially" act extrovert.

[npumcrisz]

Originally Posted by stepka

A couple of things were said here by those who don't fit this description and I believe they are misconceptions. One is that you'd be leading the conversation all the time with shy people, but the fact is that once a shy person gets comfortable with you, you'll have a hard time getting them to be quiet--it's only at first that you can't get much out of them.

The other is that this type of person would be clingy--nothing could be further from the truth--we need our personal space more than most and clinginess would be much less of a problem than trying to get us to go somewhere we don't want to go. My dad fit this description also and my mother complained that he would sometimes get up and go to his workshop when they had friends over for dinner. I guess he just went on social overload and couldn't handle it anymore.

Also, no one has a low self-esteem on all points, and most of us (this personality type) have a high self-esteem when it comes to things like education--the OP mentioned that he is attractive and well educated--it's socially that most of us suffer, and when we have that one special person plus a few close friends, we can be perfectly happy. You can trace that back to our high school from hell days when we weren't treated too well to see why our self image might be suffering in that department.

True