Men and Porn, OK or Not? (women, cheating, husband, sex)
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It's utter bull sh** when a man says he "has no choice" but to look at porn if he's not getting sex. Viewing porn is a choice, not a destiny.
I get so tired of men playing the weak, helpless victims of their sex drives. In actual fact, many men DO NOT allow their testosterone levels to dictate their behavior (or justify the degradation of women); instead, they keep themselves in check and behave with dignity.
So if your boyfriend or husband is looking at porn, it's HIS CHOICE, and unless you're really into it with him, and you don't mind, then (in my humble opinion) he is degrading you, and you definitely have justification for being upset.
Last edited by FormerCaliforniaGirl; 03-18-2009 at 08:47 PM..
Early into my relationship I discovered my boyfriend was looking at porn. It upset me a lot and he stopped looking at it because of that. Eventually, he got tired of waiting for us to have sex (I wanted to wait until marriage) so he said he started looking at porn again.
He said a man HAS to do something. From then on he's been honest when he looks at porn and he even has tons of pictures on his ipod touch and computer that he lets me look through. I've given up on trying to get him to not look at porn because he basically gave me 2 options: 1) Deal with it (because I guess he apparently wasn't going to do anything about it) or 2) Don't deal with it and find someone else who declares they don't look at porn but really they do because all guys do and most just lie about it.
Whew! Option #2 is kinda lengthy lol. So do guys really HAVE to look at porn if they're getting no action? Shoot do they even have to look at porn if they get action? He gets defensive now when I disapprove of his porn collection and gets frustrated with me.
I hate porn. But I feel helpless in the world of men. So I've just come to passively accept all men will continue to look at it until who knows when.
I have a guy friend who was married to this woman who cheated on him for most of their marriage AND with held sex from him. Of course they are divorced by now but during the times she would not have sex with him, he used Porn as an outlet rather seek the company of another woman. Well over time it got to the point where he couldn't get it up without porn being in the VCR or DVD player while he was having sex with his wife.
I can't go for that.
FOR ME, there is no bigger turn off then a guy who learns how to have sex from porn and brings what he learns into the bedroom.
Early into my relationship I discovered my boyfriend was looking at porn. It upset me a lot and he stopped looking at it because of that. Eventually, he got tired of waiting for us to have sex (I wanted to wait until marriage) so he said he started looking at porn again.
He said a man HAS to do something. From then on he's been honest when he looks at porn and he even has tons of pictures on his ipod touch and computer that he lets me look through. .
No, men don't have to look at porn and not all men do. But many do, especially younger men who came of age in the internet era and for whom porn has always been ubiquitous.
But most men do have a strong biological desire to have sex, and -- speaking very broadly here -- the desire to have sex is stronger and more powerful among most men than it is most women. Indeed, I think most women simply do not understand how strong the desire is among men (how could they, really? Most women simply don't have the same intense urge. Just as men cannot understand the discomfort of a menstrual cycle).
So your boyfriend has a strong biological desire to frequently have orgasms and ejaculate, and he wasn't getting that "itch" scratched often enough from you. Thus, he was using porn to tide him over. That is not unreasonable at all.
And he's been pretty up front with you about it. So his ultimatum, though harsh and somewhat inaccurate (i.e. not all men look at porn), is at the end of the day not unreasonable. He told you that he looks at porn -- when you took him that was part of the deal. And you married him/stayed with him. You accepted the deal. You may not be happy about it and if the porn thing becomes too much or interferes with your sex life then you've got a different problem on your hand. But based on what you've posted here, it sounds to me like you're either going to have to accept him and his habit or hit the road.
I don't mind if a guy takes care of himself as long as I don't get shorted on how much I want sex..
...and that's clearly when porn becomes an issue. When a guy would rather watch Jenna Haze on the computer screen than be with his girl in bed, then there's a PROBLEM.
No, men don't have to look at porn and not all men do. But many do, especially younger men who came of age in the internet era and for whom porn has always been ubiquitous.
But most men do have a strong biological desire to have sex, and -- speaking very broadly here -- the desire to have sex is stronger and more powerful among most men than it is most women. Indeed, I think most women simply do not understand how strong the desire is among men (how could they, really? Most women simply don't have the same intense urge. Just as men cannot understand the discomfort of a menstrual cycle).
So your boyfriend has a strong biological desire to frequently have orgasms and ejaculate, and he wasn't getting that "itch" scratched often enough from you. Thus, he was using porn to tide him over. That is not unreasonable at all.
I completely disagree with you. It's men like you, who insist that you can't help it, that you have "strong biological desires, blah blah blah..." that perpetuate the myth of men's helplessness to their hormones.
Many people have strong biological desires to overeat too, but the people who control those desires are able to maintain a healthy weight; the people who do not control those desires end up fat or obese.
Watching porn is no different than binge-eating. It's an out-of-control weak response to self-indulgence that often leads to addictive behavior.
Men DO NOT have to give in to their sexual impulses. And many many men have too much respect for their wives, girlfriends, and just women in general, to view porn.
So please...don't try to sell women your "helpless to your sex drive" rubbish.
Last edited by FormerCaliforniaGirl; 03-18-2009 at 09:27 PM..
Before the net many men had a 'secret' porn stash, gives us something different to think about...especially if she wasn't in the mood or being a bia.
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