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I think porn gives men unrealistic ideas of what sex is AND then they bring that to the bedroom and it just doesn't translate.
Cheap romance novels also give women an unrealistic idea of what sex and romance is, I mean heck there are only so many pirate openings in this tough economy.
But some women are able to separate fantasy from reality, and don't expect men to be equal to the men in their romance novels.
I think what she means is that most porn is male-focused, and most acts they learn give pleasure to men, but not necessarily to women. It's not men's fault though, since, well, porn is basically their sex ed as teens.
It's society's fault I believe. If we weren't so sexually repressed as to forgo talking about topics such as sex ed and pleasure basics for both partners, in an honest, open way, we sabotage ourselves. Of course there are such things as promiscuity and other overtly sexual topics that shouldn't be all over, but I think basically sexuality is an important topic that should be discussed more openly in an informative way. Nothing wrong with that. So until this happens, teen males will keep learning about sex through porn, sadly.
There is a wide variety of porn these days. There is your stereotypical porn with the famous acters, there is instructional porn, there is amateur porn, there is even cartoon porn... if thats what you're into. There is even porn where the woman is the ONLY one getting off.
If a man get's his ideas from movies starting Jameson or similar, then yeah he'll get some bad ideas.
This topic again? Ok since some here consider a man's high sexdrive and visual stimulation to be B.S., and others believe that this is a form of cheating, and while having an affair and going to a strip club are out of the question, and some women feel that its ok to be intimate ONLY WHEN THEY FEEL THE NEED TO, and yet another group feel that a proper diet and excercise is all thats needed to maintain a healthy sex life with your SO, and that if you watch porn you're an addict. So the only solution to said problem REALISTICALLY is to either force men in relationships to have their sex drives TOTALLY CONTROLLED by their SO (to ensure the SO is never offended by any of the man's objectionable behavior) or complete removal of the male sex drive replacing it with a pill or shot that temporarily restores the sex drive of the male for either procreation or pleasure. This will also stop men from taking care of things on their own as well.
Can't rep you professonator because I already have recently, but this pretty much says it all.
(My thoughts.)
Most men look at porn, but only a select few a-holes rub it in their loved ones' faces. Watching porn during sex when your partner finds it repugnant? Not cool. Discretion is a virtue in this matter. However, it's also healthy to be honest, and it sounds like your boyfriend is handling this situation well.
Since this is semi-anonymous, I'll go ahead and share my experiences on this. I've been with my wife for 18 years -- since she and I were 14. I have occassionaly looked at porn for all those years. When she was younger, and had a poorer self image, I kept it very hidden from her. I felt like I was following a quasi-Pauline doctrine of not eating meat sacrificed to idols in front of those whom you might offend... but going ahead and indulging if no one is around who will tempted into sin by it.
Anyhow, she found out about it a few years into our marriage ... we were about 25. I explained to her my practices and thoughts on the matter in detail. She knows that I am very into her in that way, and she's always my first and last choice, so that was good. We also discussed all of the socio-economic implications (feminist and Marxist perspectives), and I'm still good with it .. as is she. Since then, things have gone on pretty much as they always have. I practice discretion, and she looks the other way. We have watched porn together (once) but it was kind of weird for us and probably not something we'd do again ... I'm not into swinging, and I don't want to invite anyone else into our bedroom... even in a digital incarnation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator
No, men don't have to look at porn and not all men do. But many do, especially younger men who came of age in the internet era and for whom porn has always been ubiquitous.
But most men do have a strong biological desire to have sex, and -- speaking very broadly here -- the desire to have sex is stronger and more powerful among most men than it is most women. Indeed, I think most women simply do not understand how strong the desire is among men (how could they, really? Most women simply don't have the same intense urge. Just as men cannot understand the discomfort of a menstrual cycle).
So your boyfriend has a strong biological desire to frequently have orgasms and ejaculate, and he wasn't getting that "itch" scratched often enough from you. Thus, he was using porn to tide him over. That is not unreasonable at all.
And he's been pretty up front with you about it. So his ultimatum, though harsh and somewhat inaccurate (i.e. not all men look at porn), is at the end of the day not unreasonable. He told you that he looks at porn -- when you took him that was part of the deal. And you married him/stayed with him. You accepted the deal. You may not be happy about it and if the porn thing becomes too much or interferes with your sex life then you've got a different problem on your hand. But based on what you've posted here, it sounds to me like you're either going to have to accept him and his habit or hit the road.
All men are in some way, shape or form are connected to porn, whether it be magazines, online, videos or even personal connections etc. Men like to look at pretty, sexy women! Men will be men! Cannot change them. If it becomes an addiction or is hurting someone, this is a whole nother story and big problem!
Man: Well I get hard and want sex right now while the wife says she is not in the mood.
Wife: He always wants to have sex at the worst possible times and places.
Dr: Well maybe the wife should give in and have sex to help the relationship. I suggest that the next time your husband has an erection you give in and enjoy the act.
(two weeks later)
Dr: Well folks, how did things work for you? Tell me an experience.
Man: Well...you see we were in the grocery store doing some shopping and my wife bent over the frozen food case and looking at her rear I just got up I and went for it. Best sex in ages.
Why do people always assume all women read trashy romance novels? I have better things to do than spending my money on trashy books full of corny drama! I don't know a single woman who reads these, but maybe it's just me. Yes, I'll check out a chick flick every now and then, but I don't know any woman (myself included) who masturbates to it. Sure, we like closeness, but we're individuals too, and most women would get tired very quickly of an overly romantic (clingy) guy like the ones in these novels or flicks. We like the occasional romantic gesture from our partner, yes, but if it happened all the time then it'd become predictable, boring, routine... I for one prefer the companionship of a man who shares enough in common with me, who I can laugh and confide in, and also have great sex with.
Also, do I have to mention it once again? Why do you try to make it the woman's fault, stating that it's women who don't want sex so they deprive their partners? Nowadays it goes the other way around too, and a lot of women are feeling frustrated because hubby or boyfriend deprive them of sex. It's time we end this myth already... most women love sex, we have needs to and for a lot of women these aren't being met so it goes both ways.
We aren't victorian prudes only looking for romantic attention and money, you know. Just like men aren't pigs, as I said in my earlier post.
The OPs SO has already agreed to wait until marriage to get some nookie from her. Now she wants him to give up his porn. i hope he sees the writing on the wall and realizes that he in all likelyhood is fixin to marry a very demanding woman! She doesnt want much. Just perfection! If it wasnt porn it would be something else that she insist he do without. I'd be outa there real quick!
It's not that I don't get (or even refute) your "basic biological facts" about your sex drives. Rather, it's how you deal with them that I take issue with.
There are other outlets for the stimulation you need to "release your sperm", as you say. You don't have to watch women totally degrade themselves.
For all you men out there who watch porn, how would you like it if it were YOUR daughter in those movies? Kind of sends chills down your spine, doesn't it?
Porn is not a harmless outlet for sexual release for men. It is an industry that exploits and degrades women (not just the women making the porn, but ALL women). We women who are not involved in porn suffer because many MANY of you men out there actually BELIEVE that women are like the women you're seeing in the porn. It's all fake, and it's all acting, but for many men, it's their only knowledge of sex.
Watching porn is an unhealthy indulgence, much like smoking cigarettes. And just as second-hand smoke hurts everybody, so does porn. And much like cigarette smoking leads to addiction, so does watching porn.
Notice I wasn't arguing for porn at all. Just explaining the facts about men and perhaps why some men seek it out. I'm not a fan of it for many reasons.
So I would say for a woman that says "I want to wait for two years until we get married to have intercourse" is to understand the biological facts about a man and find alternate ways for the man to get a release. Clearly there are ways of doing that without having intercourse. He's not going to be able to put a cork in it for two years and bottle it up waiting for you. Rather than sitting around bitching and complaining take action and do something to facilitate a solution.
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Can't rep you professonator because I already have recently, but this pretty much says it all.
You don't have to watch women totally degrade themselves. 
