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If they're only using you, it will happen. There's no time limit for it.
I refer to wait a good while before sex happens, and work on build all other relationship aspects. So, if they only want a booty call, but see I am demanding a relationship before they get booty, chances are, they'll get tired of waiting and be gone, because I am requiring too much effort for all of what they're after. They'll just as soon leave, and find an easier girl.
Now that isn't always the case. Because some guys I asked have said they'd just be hooking up on the side until sex came. So, there's no sure fire way. Just do what you do.
For me, even if I have sex, and the guy leaves afterward, the sex wouldn't have come too fast. My cut-off point is a few months of dating at least. Around 6. So I would have no reason to feel bad, because I stuck to my morals, and did nothing to feel bad for. It was the guy who was selfish. So I wouldn't feel bad for myself, so much as angry I wasted time on a jerk.
It's like my pastor said one Sunday. When someone wrongs you, alot of times, it's not about you personally. They just have something to gain, and they can get it through you in some way. It's not really you, so much as themselves. So don't cry about what you did wrong, or why they did you that way. Why be hard on yourself just because someone else was selfish.
So have sex when you are ready, and won't regret should things not work out. Because some people are as desperate, and lowdown as you can get, and they will be everything you want until they get their's, then the true colors come out. You'd think "why stick around, or go so far, just for sex?" But sadly, sex controls some people, and when they want it with someone, they do all they can to get it.
Last edited by HappyRain; 07-18-2014 at 02:04 PM..
I've been reading some relationship type self help books lately. My girlfriend (who is married) keeps giving them to me or suggesting them...she must think I need an extraordinary amount of help in navigating the dating/relationship dance, lol. Most of them (written by men, I might add) seem to advise that women kill any chance at having a meaningful long term relationship with a man if they respond to his sexual advances too soon. Most books say wait until you are in an exclusive relationship (which usually takes 3-4 months or more) or even wait until engaged. (Personally, I think a month seems like a long time, but obviously this is why I'm still single, lol.)
First of all, do most of you (women and men) agree with this? The theory is that if you have sex with a guy too soon, he won't try to develop an emotional friendship or intellectual relationship with you, but will be stuck in the physical attraction stage. Or that guys only keep what they compete/work for and will just take the woman for granted if she sleeps with him too easily. So based on that theory, if a woman acts on her physical desires on, say, the 4th date, she's destroyed all chance of a LTR with this man. In fact, these relationship theorists advise that women shouldn't act on their natural sexual impulses at all until the time is right. (Women are evidently not allowed to be passionate creatures.) So I'm curious, for those of you who are married or in a relationship now, did you or your SO delay sex for 4-6 months? Or did you have sex early on and still stay together?
Second of all, if this is true, I'm a little perplexed how to avoid getting myself in a situation where I and a guy I really like/care about both want to connect sexually. I find, that even when kissing a guy goodnight on a second date, the kiss may quickly turn into a passionate one, instincts take over, and things can develop. Based on that observation, does that mean I have to stop kissing guys good night until I've been dating them for 3-4 months? I'm obviously being facetious, but I'm not sure how to extricate myself from the situation without causing any hard feelings or frustration. (And I too would be very frustrated also).
And lastly, do these socalled dating rules/tips apply even when you and the person you are dating are in their late forties? These books seem to be written more for people who are in their late twenties/early thirties to me. Don't people who are older know more what they want/need and are mature enough to assess another person's value as a potential mate regardless of whether they've had sex on the second date, 10th date, or the 30th? I obviously am not completely understanding these concepts.
Everything in a book about "how long to wait before having sex" is utter boolsheet.
There's no timeline at which a male suddenly says "Hmm... Okay, now I'll have to consider this girl for a long term thing."
I wouldn't make a habit of having sex with people on your first date, but there's no real timeline.
Here's what I would do if I were a broad that knows what I know about dudes: I would make it my principle that I will only have sex with men that have put some effort into getting to know me, can make me laugh and have given me some clue that they are thinking about me and are interested in making me happy. A guy who likes you and has so-called "ltr" potential shouldn't be strung along just because you read that you should do that in some magazine; if he likes you, then he likes you and he'll do something to show you as much. It's safe to have sex with that guy as soon as you have it figured out, IMO.
Also, understand that most of what happens when people get married is that there were two people that were compatible and they were both READY TO GET MARRIED at the same time. It sure as hell isn't because the girl withheld sex for a really long time so that he would know she wasn't a bimbo and she would know he wasn't just trying to get in her pants.
Everything in a book about "how long to wait before having sex" is utter boolsheet.
There's no timeline at which a male suddenly says "Hmm... Okay, now I'll have to consider this girl for a long term thing."
I wouldn't make a habit of having sex with people on your first date, but there's no real timeline.
Here's what I would do if I were a broad that knows what I know about dudes: I would make it my principle that I will only have sex with men that have put some effort into getting to know me, can make me laugh and have given me some clue that they are thinking about me and are interested in making me happy. A guy who likes you and has so-called "ltr" potential shouldn't be strung along just because you read that you should do that in some magazine; if he likes you, then he likes you and he'll do something to show you as much. It's safe to have sex with that guy as soon as you have it figured out, IMO.
Also, understand that most of what happens when people get married is that there were two people that were compatible and they were both READY TO GET MARRIED at the same time. It sure as hell isn't because the girl withheld sex for a really long time so that he would know she wasn't a bimbo and she would know he wasn't just trying to get in her pants.
While I don't advocate first-date sex as something you always do, sometimes it just happens.
This notion that you have to wait XXXXX dates/weeks/months whatever to have sex is built on this assumption that all men are just jerks.
While I don't advocate first-date sex as something you always do, sometimes it just happens.
This notion that you have to wait XXXXX dates/weeks/months whatever to have sex is built on this assumption that all men are just jerks.
Sometimes it DOES just happen. I dated a girl for several years after having sex on sort of the first date (went to kindergarten together, she went to a different school, saw her again at a party after college, asked her out and BAM! Sex.) What's weird is that she WAS a bimbo and I WAS just trying to get in her pants... But it worked until work split us up and neither of us was ready to take the next step.
I slept with my husband on the first date. There was a sexual attraction and it just happened. I didn't expect anything thereafter. I enjoyed my time with him and if he called me again, then great. If not...next!
To this day I don't know why he called me the next day...either I was really good in the sack or he enjoyed spending time with me too.
My guess is that the former happened before the latter, but still...both happened. I don't think the order matters that much.
I think sex too early is a killer. I dated a woman for only two weeks years ago. We only saw each other three or four times before she wanted sex. I wanted to know more about her but before I knew she was grabbing for the thing between my legs. I was hoping she was not just another sexual adventure which seemed to last only a month. Indeed that it what she was all about. The next day she phoned me and broke it off.
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