Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If you know he doesn't enjoy sitting around the house suggest some things you can do together that gets you both out of the house. Make plans. Let him know that you'd like to spend more time with him on the weekends because you enjoy his company, NOT because you are trying to get him to spend less time with friends. Once you start complaining about his friends you lose some credibility, unless of course they are truly bad people. Start off gradually by insisting you go someplace at least one Saturday or Sunday a month, then bump it to two, and take it from there.
Are any of his friends married or dating? Ask him to invite his friends and their wives to dinner to see if you hit it off with any of them. You might make a good friend out of this.
but if i tell him not to go out, and go out with me instead, won't i become one of those women who try to force their men to choose between them and their friends... ?
Did you talk to him about it before getting married?
He does not have to choose between his friends and you. You are his wife, you should come first.
but it isn't my only friendship. i have girl/friends that i talk to everyday, just on weekends, i leave them alone to their family and whatnot. cuz i guess i have this mentality that weekends are meant for family, and such is married life! is that not the case?
Do you work? Because if you don't, then of course you have time for your friends on weekdays. Since he does, he doesn't have that time so he has to fit it ALL in on weekends (both family and friends).
There's certainly no rules to this...married friends hang out on weekends all the time.
Did you talk to him about it before getting married?
He does not have to choose between his friends and you. You are his wife, you should come first.
Yes. But it ABSOLUTELY does not mean that he should give up his friends on her demand. She doesn't own him and he needs more people than just her in his life.
thank you all for your responses, it's all been very helpful!
Sure....and sorry if I was a bit harsh. At the same time, it seems like you at least want to be a little too controlling and I think that will only make the problem worse.
Try and spend some time with friends, make new ones if you have to, and try to set aside some time for you and your husband as well. But don't make it ABOUT his friends or about not wanting him to be with them. Make it about wanting to be together. And recognize and support his need to have his own friends and his own life as well.
thanks :-) i don't mind you telling me how you really feel, this is why it's so much better to have a discussion group where ppl can be honest! if i talk about this stuff with my g/friends or sister, all they would do is go "he's a punk, he should totally be with you everyday!!!" you know what i mean? haha
Every singe weekend sounds like a bit much...you need to talk to him about planning some things for the two of you one weekends. Invite his friends over to the house, including wives/girlfriends. Start making plans with your friends for the weekend, too. Find something you both enjoy to do together. Don't bring things up last minute; let him know you want to do something together the following weekend. Set up specific date nights.
Don't be too demanding, don't accuse his friends of hogging him or anything like that. Maybe he truly doesn't understand how you are feeling. Friendship is a strong point to marriage, and you have to work at it too.
How would he respond if you suggested going to a matinee together? Or to a museum or some local event? If there's something you can do as a couple and he still chooses his friends then my red flag would go up. As it is now, it would go over with me like a dead horse. I'd be very unhappy. But, hopefully, he would compromise a bit if you communicated more and made suggestions.
But, although I agree about not sounding "bossy", I don't think you should make yourself appear too soft about it, either.
What does hubby do with his friends every weekend? What are his hobbies? Is it something you could do also? Are any of his friends married? Do you know their wives?
I think if he's spending every Saturday and Sunday year-around, just hanging with friends, that's totally unacceptable behavior for a married person. There should be a balance, and it should weigh heavily in favor of the spouse.
I can understand why a young guy wouldn't want to hang around an apartment all weekend. Maybe you two can get involved in some kind of hobby that would take you both out of the home a little -- camping, fishing, golf, etc. -- whatever might sound interesting to both of you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
