U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Thanksgiving Day!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-22-2009, 12:09 PM
 
7 posts, read 40,326 times
Reputation: 18

Advertisements

Hi i've been married for almost 2 years, but me and my husband have been together for over 4 years. I knew it from the beginning that he never likes to stay at home. But since we've gotten married, he'd always go out and stay at his friends or coworker's house all day on saturdays and sundays instead of staying home with me. Is this normal? I feel like we have a very strong relationship, we never argue about anything, and he's very loving when he IS with me. I'm just starting to feel a little anxious cuz of him rather spending all day with friends on a weekend than with me. Maybe i'm just feeling insecure, but aren't weekends supposed to be spent with family, like ur wife, and not coworkers or buddies? Even though I can handle being alone all day doing my own thing, nobody likes to be lonely.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-22-2009, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Philly
1,776 posts, read 2,568,089 times
Reputation: 800
Have you talked to him about it? Maybe if you ask him, and request that he spend some time with you, he will.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2009, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,428 posts, read 8,096,248 times
Reputation: 3790
Quote:
Originally Posted by homealone09 View Post
Maybe i'm just feeling insecure, but aren't weekends supposed to be spent with family, like ur wife, and not coworkers or buddies? Even though I can handle being alone all day doing my own thing, nobody likes to be lonely.
Weekends can be spent with both family AND friends. As far as being lonely and you being alone, why don't you have any of your own friends?

I agree he should spend MORE time with you. But expecting all weekend every weekend is asking too much.

Do you have kids?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2009, 12:20 PM
 
7 posts, read 40,326 times
Reputation: 18
but if i tell him not to go out, and go out with me instead, won't i become one of those women who try to force their men to choose between them and their friends... ?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2009, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,428 posts, read 8,096,248 times
Reputation: 3790
Quote:
Originally Posted by homealone09 View Post
but if i tell him not to go out, and go out with me instead, won't i become one of those women who try to force their men to choose between them and their friends... ?
No. What you do is suggest for example that he go out with you on Friday night and he can go out with his friends on Saturday night. AND you make some of your own friends and go out with them Saturday night as well.

No matter what, you do not TELL him what to do. You have a mutual discussion about it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2009, 12:23 PM
 
7 posts, read 40,326 times
Reputation: 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok View Post
Weekends can be spent with both family AND friends. As far as being lonely and you being alone, why don't you have any of your own friends?

I agree he should spend MORE time with you. But expecting all weekend every weekend is asking too much.

Do you have kids?
we don't have kids.

my friends are all married and have a family to take care of, so i don't really want to "intrude". and I personally am not the kind who enjoys hanging out all day neither.

the problem is my husband never stays at home on weekends. he's out every weekend with his friends. good thing is he usually come home by dinner. I guess he's finding balance between them and me by spending day time with them and night time with me. i don't know...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2009, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,428 posts, read 8,096,248 times
Reputation: 3790
Quote:
Originally Posted by homealone09 View Post
my friends are all married and have a family to take care of, so i don't really want to "intrude". and I personally am not the kind who enjoys hanging out all day neither
Then those "friends" are not your friends anymore.

It seems to me that you DO want to be one of those women who tells their husband to give up his friends. You want him to meet EVERY need you have 100% for sex, love, family, and friendship. That is unhealthy and is the exact type of mentality that frequently leads to failed marriages.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2009, 12:37 PM
 
7 posts, read 40,326 times
Reputation: 18
i thought strong friendship is the key to a successful marriage?? and i heard from ppl with very successful marriages that they and their spouse are usually best friends.

right now i'm feeling love/marraige/sex is all i get from the husband, but no friendship. what if i grow old and ugly some day, will he stick around for me??
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2009, 12:41 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,428 posts, read 8,096,248 times
Reputation: 3790
Quote:
Originally Posted by homealone09 View Post
i thought strong friendship is the key to a successful marriage?? and i heard from ppl with very successful marriages that they and their spouse are usually best friends.

right now i'm feeling love/marraige/sex is all i get from the husband, but no friendship. what if i grow old and ugly some day, will he stick around for me??
If you are so demanding and so controlling he won't. At that point you really will be completely alone since you do not feel the need to have friends and your social skills are probably relatively weak (this is not meant to be offensive and they could have been great at one time, it's just you are not using them now).

Strong friendship is key yes but, at the same time, it shouldn't be your ONLY friendship. Relying 100% on a single person to meet all basic needs for companionship in your life is extremely unhealthy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2009, 12:45 PM
 
7 posts, read 40,326 times
Reputation: 18
but it isn't my only friendship. i have girl/friends that i talk to everyday, just on weekends, i leave them alone to their family and whatnot. cuz i guess i have this mentality that weekends are meant for family, and such is married life! is that not the case?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:33 PM.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top