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Old 03-25-2009, 09:55 PM
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,265 posts, read 79,468,586 times
Reputation: 39402


Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
You're welcome. Now stick to it!

Now, back to our regularly scheduled program...

"Bonehead Needs a Home"

Old 03-25-2009, 10:03 PM
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 71,934,130 times
Reputation: 22814
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
"Bonehead Needs a Home"
I just found it!

http://www.onebean.com/images/doghouse_02.jpg (broken link)

http://www.onebean.com/images/doghouse_02.jpg (broken link)
Old 03-25-2009, 10:06 PM
Location: Glendale
1,243 posts, read 2,209,349 times
Reputation: 843
Old 03-26-2009, 12:05 AM
Location: Texas
1,226 posts, read 2,324,285 times
Reputation: 677
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I just found it!

http://www.onebean.com/images/doghouse_02.jpg (broken link)
See this is why I LOVE all you people here. ^^^^^^^^^^
Old 03-26-2009, 04:18 AM
Location: Whoville....
25,095 posts, read 26,660,010 times
Reputation: 14183
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Whoa. Guess I've missed a lot of history here, but are you saying that you believe that when you are legally separated, it's "cheating" to have a relationship with someone else? I must have misunderstood....
Yes, we were still both legally and morally married. We're now only legally married as a result of his actions. Our vows were broken when he chose someone else. Yes, he left to do his cheating. That would have been the honest thing to do if he hadn't come back. Because he did, we now have the aftermath of his affair to deal with. It really doesn't matter that he left so he could sleep with whomever he wanted first. You can't just take a break in your marriage, sleep with someone else and then try to resume it. It doesn't work that way.

The only difference between our case and Boneheads is my husband wasn't dishonest about being with someone else. He didn't lie to me but he didn't honor our vows either. I cannot say my husband stood by his vows. I cannot say that during our marriage I'm the only one he was with. I have to deal with the fact that our marriage is punctured by him having slept with someone else. Unfortunately, marriages can't be put on hold so you can sleep with whomever you want and then resumed. It just doesn't work that way. I have to live with the fact that he cheated once and likely will do it again. My husband just happens to move out first so I'll know it's happening when it's happening instead of finding out well after the fact like women like Mrs. Bonehead.

His moving on as fast as he did shows how little I matter. You can't hold a marriage together on that. His mistake was coming back. My mistake was letting him. Had he not come back, I just would have been hurt I meant so little to him but knowing I meant that little would have helped me move on. I can't move on because he's still here.

Guess it's time to put the poor guy out of his misery. Life has to really suck for hm to be married to a woman who is so bad she drove him to cheat and won't take responsibilty for that now

I'm really tired of being told his affair is my fault. The sad part is if he came here to post, you'd all rally around him like you do Bonehead. I guess cheating isn't bad in your eyes. Just being cheated on. I'm treated like I'm the one who broke my vows when he did. I was cheated on but he's felt sorry for. My problem is I can't deal with his past. I can't deal with what he chose to do but it's my fault .

From Bonehead, it makse sense because he needs to blame the wife. She has to be the one who drives her husband to cheat. Otherwise he was in the wrong and he was the one who destroyed his marriage. It's her fault. She didn't grow. She didn't come up to his wonderful level. Why others are jumping on the bandwagon of tell me it's my fault not my husband's is beyond me.

I just know I'm very hurt and all I'll get here is barbs to hurt more. I guess wives who are cheated on don't deserve support. Only husbands who cheat. Maybe I should go have an affair. Then I'd find support here for how awful my husband must be to have driven me to one
Old 03-26-2009, 05:52 AM
Location: Texas
1,226 posts, read 2,324,285 times
Reputation: 677
Really? For real? Am I trippin? I could have sworn all the exaggerated lies in the above post were addressed at least 7 or 8 times.

The reason you are not getting the response you want; you are being unreasonable. Yes the more I see this type of twisted post (^) the more I believe you do "know" what your responsibility is in the relationship. I think you are in denial. Probably a touch obsessive and for sure vindictive.

Look how you have managed to take all the things people say and twist them into statements that don't even resemble the original posters intent.

Go ahead and play the victim. It has worked so well in your marriage; why not try it on everyone here.

LAME. Nothing else really describes it!

Hey Ivory what does your refusal to talk about why he left in the first place tell you and everyone else that reads your story?

You are hiding your involvement. Usually people only do this when they are guilty of something they don't want people to know about!
Old 03-26-2009, 06:03 AM
Location: Jacksonville, Fl
837 posts, read 1,471,636 times
Reputation: 487
Wow. I just read the last 11 pages of this thread, and I'm drained. Such emotion.

Ivory, I don't think anyone here blames you totally, or completely defends your husband, some just think it takes two to destroy a relationship and were looking for you to take at least a little bit of responsibility.

As for Bonehead, understanding why he did what he did is not the same as endorsing it. Yeah, he was wrong, and he freely admits it. Instead of scorn, he's found lots of support here, much of it because of his amazing openess and honesty.

Bonehead, if you're ever headed to Jacksonville, let me know. We'll sit down with a pitcher or two.
Old 03-26-2009, 06:05 AM
23,032 posts, read 27,693,686 times
Reputation: 26725
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Yes, we were still both legally and morally married. We're now only legally married as a result of his actions.
You were legally SEPARATED. Period. THAT is a complete change in marital status dear. MANY people date and have relations when separated - calling this "cheating" is just creative wishful thinking on your part.

I have never cheated, and my ex never cheated - that wasn't an issue in our marriage. We were separated for FIVE years before we divorced, and believe me he had a parade of women in and out. We only divorced once he met someone he wanted to marry...and I filed as he had let me handle all the legal stuff from the getgo.

I want to say something here though - I won't date men that are separated, because I believe everyone needs that time to do some heavy thinking and get their emotions back on track. HOWEVER, it is NOT cheating!! You need to get that straight - he did NOT cheat on you.

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
just know I'm very hurt and all I'll get here is barbs to hurt more. I guess wives who are cheated on don't deserve support. Only husbands who cheat. Maybe I should go have an affair. Then I'd find support here for how awful my husband must be to have driven me to one
Again....IT - you were not cheated upon, unless he cheated before you had separated. If not, then your marital issues lie elsewhere. THAT is why you aren't getting any support here. Wake up.
Old 03-26-2009, 06:23 AM
21,572 posts, read 19,777,696 times
Reputation: 12439
You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. A seperation/divorce is difficult, no matter how bad the marriage is, it is still upsetting.
This forum is for support...and yes, it takes two, but your old enough to understand that...so, if you can't communicate with each other, that is sad, b/c it could be so easy. Wish you two would go to counseling to learn how to listen and communicate your feelings to one another so that you don't take it as a personal attack against your characters. ONe cannot help how they think and feel and growing up (being conditioned by parents, teachers & family) surely has a lot of do with how one thinks and feels.

So feel free to vent, when and if need be and let all your frustrations out...it helps and there are so many good people here who contribute some very wise advise to help get you over the hurdles.

Hugs and good thoughts sent your way
Old 03-26-2009, 06:25 AM
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,000 posts, read 15,995,543 times
Reputation: 12282
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I find your endless fight with an electic pole quite amusing... "They" say the smarter one gives it up. Think about it...

There's also a saying:

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
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