Changing your last name (wife, married, women, love) - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - City-Data Forum

Sam82 · 03-24-2009, 07:11 PM

Before I post, I want to state that I am a woman. Sam is my nickname.

Okay, so bf and I have talked seriously about marriange. He said that he wants to get engaged within this year. We have one little snag, I don't want to take his last name. It's nothing personal against him. I just happen to like my last name. He says that I must take his last name whether I hyphenate or just take his last name. I don't want to. Am I being a brat? Should I just cave or stand my ground and refuse to take his name?

I would love to hear from both women and men on this topic.

Twinkle Toes · 03-24-2009, 07:13 PM

It's your name - if you want to keep it, then keep it. If it's a deal breaker, then call the wedding off. If he's controlling now, just wait until you're married!

Ivorytickler · 03-24-2009, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam82

Before I post, I want to state that I am a woman. Sam is my nickname.

Okay, so bf and I have talked seriously about marriange. He said that he wants to get engaged within this year. We have one little snag, I don't want to take his last name. It's nothing personal against him. I just happen to like my last name. He says that I must take his last name whether I hyphenate or just take his last name. I don't want to. Am I being a brat? Should I just cave or stand my ground and refuse to take his name?

I would love to hear from both women and men on this topic.

Well, you are forming a new family when you marry. One of you should take the other's last name. Why not suggest he take yours?

Sam82 · 03-24-2009, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

Well, you are forming a new family when you marry. One of you should take the other's last name. Why not suggest he take yours?

He said he will not take my last name.

sueprnova · 03-24-2009, 07:17 PM

My maiden name is now my 2nd middle name. I love my family name...but I really liked my husbands last name too. I should ask him if he even cared....
However... had he TOLD me I HAD to take his last name? I probably would have told him to get bent...in a nice way

johnrex62 · 03-24-2009, 07:26 PM

There is no set requirement, as you know. Some cultures it is the norm for the husband to take the wife's surname. It is historically the norm here for the wife to take the hubands, and almost as accepted for the hypenated names.

You can do as you choose, but I would only proceed if you can work it out with him. Otherwise this will become a contentious issue and just drive you apart.

Personally, I would wonder why you were not taking his name unless you have a justification such as it creates a perverse new name, or you have a professional or business reasons for keeping the same name. Him taking your name would also seem weird to me, but again, nothing more than a topic of tittilation.

Dwatted Wabbit · 03-24-2009, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes

It's your name - if you want to keep it, then keep it. If it's a deal breaker, then call the wedding off. If he's controlling now, just wait until you're married!

Forcing a name change is just step one. It's a test.

You must take my name?

Pulleeezze.

mommytotwo · 03-24-2009, 07:38 PM

He says: You need to take my last name.

You say: No I don't have to take your last name, nor do I plan to.

He needs to understand that your taking his last name is a choice that is to be made by you, and he really has no say in the matter.

Maybe he has some hurt feelings about your not WANTING to take his last name and that is what you should address rather than arguing with him about whether or not you HAVE to take his name (when clearly you do not).

I took DH's last name, only becuase I grew up with my mother signing school papers, writing "(mother)" after her name because as she was divorced and remarried we did not have the same name.

When the school called, they called her "Mrs. <insert my last name>", not by her married name.

So, I'd rather have the same last name as my kids and this is why I took his name.

I myself don't see the point in a hyphenated name. And now some kids have hyphenated names too, which is even worse. I just don't see any reason to complicate things more than necessary.

If I hated my DH's last name, maybe I would have kept my own.

I have to say, though, to be perfectly honest, it kind of bugs me that my sister in law is walking around with MY last name and I don't have it anymore. (LOL maybe I was a little more attached to my last name than I thought!)

MMichelle · 03-24-2009, 07:43 PM

Your name is your name. Why would you change your name? To me it's not logical. Personally, my name has meaning to me so I'd never consider changing my name.
As for children you may have - it's not etched in stone that they must have the father's surname. But that's another topic!
Michelle

Sam82 · 03-24-2009, 07:45 PM

It just seems so archaic to me for a woman to change her name. I'm not going to be his possession, I'm going to be his partner. I hate the whole "you're not famous, so why not change your last name" argument (this is not directed at any particular poster, just what I've heard from people).