The Upper Hand: Power Dynamics in Relationships (women, love, single)

[Chanteuse d' Opéra]

I was reading an article in PsychologyToday (an older issue) that spoke of the romantic relationships between men & women & how usually, the one who loves least has the most "power" within the relationship (e.g. "the upper hand") and that some relationships have a D/s (dominant-submissive) role to them that correlates back to who loves more/least. I'm not referring to D/s in reference to BDSM by the way.

What do you think? Do you believe that relationships between men & women can truly be egalitarian or is there always going to be one (man or woman) who was the "upper hand"?

Please share, I'm really interested in this topic.

[shania]

I think it would depend upon what relationship theory you subscribe to. One of the books I read lately, "Why Him? Why Her?" by Helen Fisher describes 4 personality types: Explorers, Builders, Directors,and Negotiators. She theorizes that explorers gravitate to other explorers, builders to other builders, and directors towards negotiators and vice versa. This last relationship set might have something to do with what you're reading about because Directors are more intellectually focused and looking for mind mates and Negotiators are nurturers, very giving and looking for soul mates. Therefore, if you subscribe to this theory, than I would assume that negotiators may love their director mates more because they tend to love more deeply in general, and directors, because they are more direct and forthright, may make more decisions in the relationship and take charge of things.

[Chanteuse d' Opéra]

Originally Posted by shania

I think it would depend upon what relationship theory you subscribe to. One of the books I read lately, "Why Him? Why Her?" by Helen Fisher describes 4 personality types: Explorers, Builders, Directors,and Negotiators. She theorizes that explorers gravitate to other explorers, builders to other builders, and directors towards negotiators and vice versa. This last relationship set might have something to do with what you're reading about because Directors are more intellectually focused and looking for mind mates and Negotiators are nurturers, very giving and looking for soul mates. Therefore, if you subscribe to this theory, than I would assume that negotiators may love their director mates more because they tend to love more deeply in general, and directors because they are more direct and forthright, may make more decisions in the relationship and take charge of things.

I think I'm more along the lines of a Negotiator...hmm...what could that mean?

[sueprnova]

I want to know why you know to D/s <---not many people do

[Chanteuse d' Opéra]

Originally Posted by sueprnova

I want to know why you know to D/s <---not many people do

Huh? That's what the article said...it referenced D/s to BDSM & I took it out of a context & put it in a perspective of personalities (e.g. dominant personality/submissive personality). I don't mean it to be in a sexual manner? I hope this helped.

[shania]

Originally Posted by Chanteuse d' Opéra

I think I'm more along the lines of a Negotiator...hmm...what could that mean?

According to her theory, negotiators are creative, romantic, passionate, giving, want to please even if it means putting their needs second, expect a sexual relationship to develop from a sexual encounter, will stay single for years rather than be with the wrong person, are web thinkers, see the big picture but often have problems with the details, are nonjudgmental, tolerant, etc. She theorizes they have more estrogen in their brains and that makes them more interested in connections with others.

There's more but that's all I can remember off the top of my head.

[cpg35223]

You know, I realize that life is politics, but I just don't care for political approaches in matters of the heart. I think a person who actively seeks the upper hand in a relationship is toxic and should be avoided at all costs.

[Boneheaded]

For sure CPG it needs to be a partnership to work!

[BLAZER PROPHET]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

You know, I realize that life is politics, but I just don't care for political approaches in matters of the heart. I think a person who actively seeks the upper hand in a relationship is toxic and should be avoided at all costs.

I agree. What a bunch if BS.

[Parkerclassof72]

I've never liked putting people and/or relationships into a finite number of categories. (Such as the thread about the zodiac.) Same thing with this study. There are as many different kinds of relationships as there are relationships.

And, how the heck do you quantify who loves who more?