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Old 03-26-2009, 02:06 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,226 posts, read 15,080,559 times
Reputation: 9127

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So, I've done the online thing. I've mentioned how men will send photos of their junk as their way of INTRODUCING themselves .

This can apply to a first date, a blind date or someone you've just met where you really don't know one another. How do you feel when someone asks you sexually oriented questions then? For example, do you like (sexual act)? What turns you on? What brings out the freak in you?

I can't bring myself to go there. This happens, for the most part, in the emailing stage before we've even met. My response is usually that I don't feel it's appropriate when I don't even know them and that different people inspire me in different ways. I don't do and am not all things with all people. That usually shuts them up, but what are they thinking? Would they ask these questions or show me their package if they met me in person, after just introducing themselves? I get that the internet allows you to be more up front about what you are seeking. But manners are manners.
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Old 03-26-2009, 02:21 PM
 
Location: down south
514 posts, read 1,480,117 times
Reputation: 651
not wanna be harsh on you. But seriously, if your response to penis photos and sexually suggestive questions from a on-line username you haven't met yet is "I don't feel it's appropriate when I don't even know them and that different people inspire me in different ways", you're either looking for ONS (the most dangerous kind of ONS) or you have major issues with choosing your mate. (assuming you're looking for serious relationship)
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Old 03-26-2009, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Mountain View, CA
1,152 posts, read 2,971,169 times
Reputation: 1061
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
So, I've done the online thing. I've mentioned how men will send photos of their junk as their way of INTRODUCING themselves .

This can apply to a first date, a blind date or someone you've just met where you really don't know one another. How do you feel when someone asks you sexually oriented questions then? For example, do you like (sexual act)? What turns you on? What brings out the freak in you?

I can't bring myself to go there. This happens, for the most part, in the emailing stage before we've even met. My response is usually that I don't feel it's appropriate when I don't even know them and that different people inspire me in different ways. I don't do and am not all things with all people. That usually shuts them up, but what are they thinking? Would they ask these questions or show me their package if they met me in person, after just introducing themselves? I get that the internet allows you to be more up front about what you are seeking. But manners are manners.
The situation you describe does indeed sound pretty sketch to me. Starting this kind of discussion over e-mail before ever even meeting in person just screams "casual intimate encounter" to me. I could be wrong. But generally, the reason people discuss sex / what they are into sexually prior to even meeting is because the purpose of their meeting is sex. I don't need to know "how you like it" if we are going to dinner. I only need to know if we are going to get it done.

So, my honest view of this, is these guys probably aren't too interested in a date. They want a romp in the sack. If that's what you want, great, if not, I'd probably shy away from them. I am by no means categorically against sex "early on" - I *might* even consider sex after a first date under certain circumstances - but I would never discuss sexual preferences before even meeting my date. That's something that's only done if you are talking about a casual encounter of some kind. In short, what you describe here is what you see on craigslist, not from people interested in a real date.

A similar idea applies to nude pics. I'm not going to act like a prude and lie and say I've never sent women pics of my junk - I definitely have. But there again, generally, that was in a potential "casual encounter" type situation. I can't really see myself doing that with someone I was planning a date with. Further, in all cases, those pictures were sent ONLY when REQUESTED by the woman, which, needless to say, changes the situation entirely.

So my suggestion - if you are looking for a legit date and not a hook-up, I'd stay away from dudes who jump right into sex talk and send nude pics unsolicited. At best they are socially awkward individuals who don't know what else to talk about so they fall back on sex. At worst, they aren't interested in a date and are trying to glean information for a casual encounter. Either way, they are probably a waste of your time .
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Old 03-26-2009, 02:28 PM
 
Location: Texas
1,226 posts, read 2,616,849 times
Reputation: 684
You know I think that is probably a good thing for you. You know immediately the guy is only looking to hook up. Yeah it is really rude. Yeah it is not a technique I would use or suggest but it happens.

In part I think the questions come from a fear of incompatibility and the desire to know ahead of time what to do to make you happy in that area. If you have been getting to know someone online for "X" amount of time and have become curious as to if there could be something there; I can see discussing sexual things in a way that is not all creepy. Like instead of "Hey baby what gets you ***!?", "The way someone kisses tells alot about the way they express passion.", "What is your take on kissing?" "Are you into the gentle pecks and smooches or the passionate tongue duels?"

But then I think that just speaks to the lack of manners you mentioned.
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Old 03-26-2009, 02:34 PM
 
Location: Incognito
7,005 posts, read 19,461,080 times
Reputation: 5487
When you anticipate on how sex is going to be, when it actually happens IT SUCKS!
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Old 03-26-2009, 02:35 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,226 posts, read 15,080,559 times
Reputation: 9127
Quote:
Originally Posted by eatfastnoodle View Post
not wanna be harsh on you. But seriously, if your response to penis photos and sexually suggestive questions from a on-line username you haven't met yet is "I don't feel it's appropriate when I don't even know them and that different people inspire me in different ways", you're either looking for ONS (the most dangerous kind of ONS) or you have major issues with choosing your mate. (assuming you're looking for serious relationship)
That is not my response to penis photos. I rarely respond to those, aside from the occasional "At least I know which d*ckhead to look for when we meet." crack.

If they ask a question, and I tell them I don't think it is appropriate to discuss it when I have not met them, how does that say ONS or that I have issues choosing my mate?

Telling someone that different people inspire me in different ways means that I don't want to set unreasonable expectations. No one knows what their sexual compatability will be with someone until they are actually having sex with them. So, there is no point in saying I like hanging from the ceiling fan if he ends up inspiring me to read a magazine.


I probably should have also mentioned that I have yet to meet up with any of these people.
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Old 03-26-2009, 02:43 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,226 posts, read 15,080,559 times
Reputation: 9127
Quote:
Originally Posted by jahutch View Post
The situation you describe does indeed sound pretty sketch to me. Starting this kind of discussion over e-mail before ever even meeting in person just screams "casual intimate encounter" to me. I could be wrong. But generally, the reason people discuss sex / what they are into sexually prior to even meeting is because the purpose of their meeting is sex. I don't need to know "how you like it" if we are going to dinner. I only need to know if we are going to get it done.

So, my honest view of this, is these guys probably aren't too interested in a date. They want a romp in the sack. If that's what you want, great, if not, I'd probably shy away from them. I am by no means categorically against sex "early on" - I *might* even consider sex after a first date under certain circumstances - but I would never discuss sexual preferences before even meeting my date. That's something that's only done if you are talking about a casual encounter of some kind. In short, what you describe here is what you see on craigslist, not from people interested in a real date.

A similar idea applies to nude pics. I'm not going to act like a prude and lie and say I've never sent women pics of my junk - I definitely have. But there again, generally, that was in a potential "casual encounter" type situation. I can't really see myself doing that with someone I was planning a date with. Further, in all cases, those pictures were sent ONLY when REQUESTED by the woman, which, needless to say, changes the situation entirely.

So my suggestion - if you are looking for a legit date and not a hook-up, I'd stay away from dudes who jump right into sex talk and send nude pics unsolicited. At best they are socially awkward individuals who don't know what else to talk about so they fall back on sex. At worst, they aren't interested in a date and are trying to glean information for a casual encounter. Either way, they are probably a waste of your time .
I guess I should clarify that I have never advertised for a casual encounter. I am not looking for a committed relationship, and don't like to date multiple men, but I am not the ONS type. So, there was never anything in my ads anywhere that said or hinted at anything of the sort. And because of my experience, I have actually ended the ad with "Please don't send any photos of your private parts or 3 page theses of what you are going to do with mine.". So, of course, when they write and still do it, I think "dumb".

I'm not asking for advice on what to do as I don't have any interest in anyone like that. I'm really just asking what people think of this sort of stuff and would they actually engage in a discussion of that type.

Thanks for the input though.
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Old 03-26-2009, 02:47 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,226 posts, read 15,080,559 times
Reputation: 9127
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
You know I think that is probably a good thing for you. You know immediately the guy is only looking to hook up. Yeah it is really rude. Yeah it is not a technique I would use or suggest but it happens.

In part I think the questions come from a fear of incompatibility and the desire to know ahead of time what to do to make you happy in that area. If you have been getting to know someone online for "X" amount of time and have become curious as to if there could be something there; I can see discussing sexual things in a way that is not all creepy. Like instead of "Hey baby what gets you ***!?", "The way someone kisses tells alot about the way they express passion.", "What is your take on kissing?" "Are you into the gentle pecks and smooches or the passionate tongue duels?"

But then I think that just speaks to the lack of manners you mentioned.
Yah, it's one thing to ask how important is sex in my relationships, or if I like to kiss even. There have been instances where the conversation went on for 20-30 emails, and then they'll ask about something sexual. I still won't answer, but I recognize that they tried to establish some level of comfort or famililarity before asking.
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Old 03-26-2009, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Mountain View, CA
1,152 posts, read 2,971,169 times
Reputation: 1061
Another thought I had... and this isn't aimed at the OP, just came up with it in general.

But in my mind if one is interested in a "real" date with a person, the sooner it is moved OUT of the online world and into the real one, the better. I'm not sure exchanging a ton of personal info in 10 or 20 e-mails is a great idea. Its almost "too easy" for lack of a better term. Better to use e-mail to establish initial contact, set up a first date, and then go from there in the real world.
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Old 03-26-2009, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Mountain View, CA
1,152 posts, read 2,971,169 times
Reputation: 1061
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
I guess I should clarify that I have never advertised for a casual encounter. I am not looking for a committed relationship, and don't like to date multiple men, but I am not the ONS type. So, there was never anything in my ads anywhere that said or hinted at anything of the sort. And because of my experience, I have actually ended the ad with "Please don't send any photos of your private parts or 3 page theses of what you are going to do with mine.". So, of course, when they write and still do it, I think "dumb".

I'm not asking for advice on what to do as I don't have any interest in anyone like that. I'm really just asking what people think of this sort of stuff and would they actually engage in a discussion of that type.

Thanks for the input though.
Yeah, I didn't mean to suggest you were looking for a ONS - in fact, I assumed that you weren't. To answer your revised question. I think that sort of stuff is rude, inappropriate, and sleazy in a dating setting, and no I wouldn't engage in it.
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