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She was about a half a bubble off of plumb though, and her idea of an open marrige was she could just shag about whenever she wanted and I got to stay home with the kids and pay the bills.
In a seminar today, I sat next to the office example of that. She spent a week in Paris with her boyfriend while her husband stayed home with the kids. Claimed she was sent there on business! You can hear many of the women in the office, grinding their teeth, when she passes them.
I think it's possible to have a good marriage no matter what the actual arrangement particulars are. Sometimes things that work for one couple don't work for another couple. So not all marriages are the same and not all open marriages work the same way. There are many degrees of open marriages that I have seen, and I've seen many work and last just like a 'traditional' marriage would. Just depends on the people involved.
That is very true. I know many couples that have open marriages that are very happy and in love. Not all couples are the same.
Wow, I really don't understand the level of intolerance in this thread. 50% of cultures worldwide are polygamous. The one man, one wife model is only prevalent in 15% historically. That makes the Western model entirely, 100% in the minority. I understand personal feelings and the "ick" reaction, but different does not necessarily mean wrong. King David and King Solomon both had multiple wives. It's ethnocentric and extremely biased. And heck, an open marriage isn't even quite polygamy, therefore making it even closer to our model of marriage systems.
I myself am in an open marriage. A loving, wonderful, happily fulfilling open marriage. My husband wasn't really "into" it before we started dating. I told him while we were still friends that I have never been monogamous, would never be monogamous, and he was wasting his time if he couldn't handle it. So, he gave it a shot. And now he gets more of a kick out of it than I do at times! He grew up very sexually repressed, and realized that his true desires really did conflict with his upbringing. He has amazing self confidence now, guilt is non-existent, and trust issues don't happen in our marriage. We check out people together. After all, when you work with and not against biology, you have a better chance of making it, I feel. There is no ruining your marriage in the heat of the moment, and there is no "one thing lead to another." We don't lie, and there are no secrets. We indulge together more often than not, and it brings us closer. Heck, I was talking to some of our like-minded friends and realized that they play with two people we know also--our pastor and his wife! Some of the most moral, upright, and selfless people that we know...with a truly enviable marriage.
It doesn't work if you don't trust each other. It doesn't work if your partner isn't your top priority, if you're there just for stability so you can fool around with anyone. It doesn't work if you get jealous, and sometimes there are weird rules. My husband can't go shopping with other girls, because that's a couple sort of thing you do. I can have sex with my ex's, but I can't model for the ones who are photographers because it's too intimate. The weird, strange things that make us uncomfortable in our dynamic we're very forward with and don't have to justify. And if someone is off-limits, they just are..no explanation, no justification. Trust and mutual respect is key.
I understand that it doesn't work for everyone, but neither does monogamy (been there, done that!). Please do not condemn or pity those of us that it does work well for. (Though I do understand it, because it's hard not to feel the same about you!)
I think I am going to be sick. Nothing personal, just an involuntary movement my stomach makes when I get sick.
Fun story...when my husband and I got married, it was by his grandfather..a super conservative southern Baptist. Well by the time he got to the part about us being together, the two of us, and only us, faithful forever and always, away from lust and temptation..we both started cracking up and had to pretend we were crying because we were so overwhelmed.
I think my mom might get it, because she always makes jokes about how she wouldn't tell when I make mention of a cute waiter or something like that. But the way I see it, I have to get it from somewhere..so who's to say they don't too? Yikes. I understand it makes other people uncomfortable, so I don't share. We're all products of our environment, and I can't hold that against anyone.
I seem pretty normal otherwise too. I'm the Martha Stewart wannabe with the pristine house and paper doilies and elegant dinner parties all the time. Working on my degree, making straight As, accomplished in my career. Little do they know...
Just goes to show that you may have everything and have nothing as well.
I have always been pretty forward and to the point with people. Mostly because I want my intentions to be kept true and my feelings understood. So with this thought I will lay down my thoughts about open marriage with some real feelings. To know and see another man inside my wife spraying his seed like a bull makes me positively sick with grief and terrible sadness. When I first held her hand as my wife I felt a wonderful feeling of peace and happiness with some one who understood me inside and out. I could never see her in the same light if she was sexually active with another and our marriage would be over. It's not just about sex. Marriage is a loving partnership which I believe goes beyond this world. It's a feeling that one can never find in bed with a host of lovers.
Spraying his seed like a bull? There's a simile I've never heard before.
Ok I read a few to many hot sexual stories and have a pretty good use of words, but I was serious about how I felt.
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Some of the most moral, upright, and selfless people that we know...with a truly enviable marriage.
