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As in common usage I think Redisca's definition is the most likely. I do not know why a guy would snivel about some women picking losers over themselves. Chances are those women are not worth having. Most are immature, unintelligent, dependent clingers with more mental issues than a normal fellow would want to put up with. So what if they go for equally immature, unintelligent, abusive creeps? Birds of a feather.
If you have honor and integrity than look for those women that share the same values. If you do not find any then you are just out of luck. There are no guarantees that life must work out. Never refer to yourself as nice in a self pity kind of way.
Of course I can say that because I am not and never have been nice. I do not see all women as inherently good (or evil). I see them as typical fallible human beings. Some I like, the vast majority I do not.
Seriously, who doesn't like people who display qualities like those? I don't buy into the notion that men or women with personality traits like those could possibly be considered unattractive or undateable, unless the person doing the judging is an utter moron.
It's irritating read the comments of the women nattering on about this.
At various times, I've know a number of men like this who had little luck in their relationships. Not once did I hear them whine: "I'm a nice guy, so why aren't women interested in me?" Instead they defined their problem in terms of what they didn't have that the successful guys did.
Generally, they looked for ways to overcome not being very good looking, not having parents with money and not having the gift of the gab (or the B.S. associated with it).
They realized that they couldn't change their parents and plastic surgery was expensive and can't work miracles. So they redoubled their efforts at getting an education, a good job and then to save the money and acquire the things needed to help with their confidence. To do this, they denied themselves a lot of the luxuries and good times that their luckier peers took for granted.
In the end, they likely found that it helped little or just got them signed up for a lifetime of alimony and c/s!
The last time I noticed this, I was approaching my mid 30s and what I didn't realize then, is that the odds were worse than ever. Nearly twice as many single men as women in that age group and the field of available women had been picked over thoroughly. I realized that if these guys were still having no luck, I had no hope either. I was right too. It only gets worse in the decade to follow.
A lot of men who market themselves as "nice guys" practice passive-aggressive behavior. This can be spooky because there is no way to tell what a man like this really thinks and feels...He keeps a lot of secrets in order to "appear nice" all the time...
A nice guy is respectful to those around him/in his life. and doesn't feel the need to flex in order to get people to like him. He's not a doormat for any woman and will let her know offtop while still maintaining the high level of class he was raised with. That, to me is a nice guy.
Women still want an assertive man, a guy who is his own person and says what he thinks. Yes, he must be kind to her. Yes, he must respect her. Yes, he should be a gentleman. But being a gentleman isn't the same thing as being a eunuch.
Some women say they want an assertive man but are quick to label him as chauvinistic or controlling when he lays the law down. Therefore, very few women can handle an assertive man.
I often read women complaining that "such and such guys are boring". I wonder if you can tell me what your expectations of fun are. Also, what "fun" do such women bring into a relationship? Because you know, our role as men is not just to provide entertainment for you. There has to be balance so I guess you can understand that, the more "fun" you expect men to be, the more fun you yourself will need to be too.
Some women say they want an assertive man but are quick to label him as chauvinistic or controlling when he lays the law down. Therefore, very few women can handle an assertive man.
There is a difference between "assertive" and "chauvinistic", just like there is a difference between "accommodating" and "indifferent and passionless". People who can't grasp that difference really shouldn't be dating; at the same time, I am not surprised that those who have a tendency to lord over their SO's and act like jerks, charitably describe themselves as "assertive".
Here is a clue: a good person, who makes a desirable partner, is someone who doesn't have to be "handled". It amazes me how many men wince in disgust when they hear women describe themselves as challenging to "handle", yet purport to take on that very role with all the usual attributes of entitlement. A good person doesn't imagine himself or herself as someone who has the authority to "lay down the law". Those who "lay down the law" tend to treat their SO's as subjects, servants or children; naturally, few people are drawn to such humiliating and unfulfilling roles.
I often read women complaining that "such and such guys are boring". I wonder if you can tell me what your expectations of fun are. Also, what "fun" do such women bring into a relationship? Because you know, our role as men is not just to provide entertainment for you. There has to be balance so I guess you can understand that, the more "fun" you expect men to be, the more fun you yourself will need to be too.
A good example of boring would be someone who says most of the following on most dates:
"I don't care where to eat. You pick the place. I like everything / I hate all restaurant food anyway."
"It makes no difference to me what movie we see. I don't have any preferences."
"I don't know what we should do. I don't have any ideas. Do you have any ideas? I can do whatever."
"I don't have any opinion on ________________ [insert just about any subject]."
"Do I want to go upstairs? *Shrug* Either way is fine with me. I will if you want me to. I'm just here to do whatever you want to do."
"I don't know how I like my coffee. Actually, I don't like coffee. Or tea. Or anything that has caffeine/alcohol/sugar/flavor in it."
"Last quarter, we raised sales by one half of one percent. That's industry record, you know. When the CEO made the announcement, my supervisor says to me: 'I don't care about that, what I want to know is why we must suddenly change the font on our reports from Courier to Times New Roman.' Yeah, what's up with that? And this one time, when I prepared the report at home and e-mailed it to myself in rich text format, and then opened it at work and all the margins and indents were all messed up, and I was sitting there trying to fix it, and meanwhile, my boss is calling me asking where is the report, and on the other hand, my sales are PLUMMETING. Yeah. That was a stressful day. Whew. This chicken breast is too fatty. So why isn't your sister selling her condo if she's moving to Chicago? Look, if she got, say, half a million dollars for it, she could buy five condos in a poor neighborhood for $100,000 each. She could live in one and rent the other four out. Let's say, she would charge $1000 a month. Okay, she'd have to pay the realtor and the management company, let's say $500 per month. That leaves her with $500 per month per apartment, times four, that's $2000 a month she'd be making for herself, just like that. Right? Or wait, may if she bought herself a nicer condo, let's say for $250,000, and then buy a really cheap building with 5 apartments in a poor neighborhood, and charge $750 per month, minus $300 for the expenses, that leaves $450, times five, that's ... let me take out my calculator. How's your salmon? It looks greasy."
Look, carra, it's not a little ridiculous to have to explain what "boring" is. Have you ever been bored with another person? Yeah, it's kind of like that. The question here isn't what men's role should be in dating, but what should be the role of someone who has sauerkraut juice flowing in his veins.
Redisca, I think you did not get my point here. What I want here, is that women realize something: that they often use words like "confidence" or "fun" as empty words that can justify anything. As mere excuses, to try to rationalize when they like a guy and why they don't.
As a matter of fact, I have known many guys with whom women laughed and had a good time, and yet women show no interest in them. If asked why, they will just say that he's trying too hard, or that he's not "her type", or some meaningless cliche like that.
So yes, there are people who are definitely boring but often, the problem is just not that. And don't get me wrong, there's nothing bad in using excuses: we are all human. But I think that, at least, we should be aware of when something is an excuse.
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