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Old 03-30-2009, 01:11 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,843 posts, read 54,814,416 times
Reputation: 22811

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Hmmm...look at all the night owls!
I'm on PST now, so it's not strange for me. Piper normally goes to bed with the chickens, though, and I think she's on EST.
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Old 03-30-2009, 02:04 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,593 posts, read 22,648,902 times
Reputation: 6090
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I'm on PST now, so it's not strange for me. Piper normally goes to bed with the chickens, though, and I think she's on EST.
I'm on EST and I am on here because I can't sleep.

I wish the OP would come back and reply to some of the things we have said. This is an interesting thread.
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Old 03-31-2009, 11:57 AM
 
2,193 posts, read 3,112,585 times
Reputation: 1881
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smily Gladshanks View Post
I'd like some input from girls older than, say, 24 on this one.

What advice do you have for me? I either meet girls I turn out to not be interested in--and they seem to really want me--or I meet girls I do like--and they become quickly disinterested.

I've had girls tell me that I "come on too strong, too early." "You are too much/too good for me." That kind of BS. Here's what I am apparently screwing up?... I meet a girl. She's cute. I'm interested. I quickly decide that I like her (yeah, I said quickly). She is also interested--says she likes my personality, our long conversations, the way I look (girls generally find me physically attractive, and I'm quite tall and muscular), my initiative. Then I smile a lot, cuddle a lot, sit next to her a lot. Ok, you are getting the picture. BUT--here's what is really going through my head: I like this girl, but I DON'T want to marry her already, I DON'T want to give up my friends and my responsibilities, I NEED MY OWN TIME STILL, I WANT HER TO HAVE HER OWN FRIENDS/SPACE.

...So, if I really am just really, really attracted to a girl and am not being imposing or pushy or desperate, then HOW is affection a sign that I AM those things? I don't get it.

Any input is welcome...I'm just interested in what the girls have to say.

I'm 20 yrs old (21 in the summer) & the last guy I dated sounds exactly like you were. He came on very strong, telling me he wanted to "date me long-term" on the first date & was always blowing up my phone, taking me to the park for late night makeout sessions. However, the minute I showed interest, well basically what I said was I couldn't do all the intimate stuff w/o being in a relationship--he dropped me like a hot potato, telling me that he liked me but he didn't want to be committed to anyone right now when he basically "showed me all the signs". Talk about deceit! I know it takes two to tango & maybe I shouldn't have told him that I had to be in a relationship to be "intimate" because initially, I just think he wanted to "hook-up" if you know what I mean...

Anyway, back to your question...take it SLOW. I can't stress this enough, if you move too fast, then someone is going to get the wrong message (like me) & start falling for you as quickly as you fell for them & then if you're not ready for it, someone will get hurt & it probably won't be you...

Sorry for this response being so long-winded but I just had to get this out of my system. Cheers!
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Old 03-31-2009, 12:35 PM
 
25,249 posts, read 27,352,041 times
Reputation: 34488
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smily Gladshanks View Post
I'd like some input from girls older than, say, 24 on this one.

What advice do you have for me? I either meet girls I turn out to not be interested in--and they seem to really want me--or I meet girls I do like--and they become quickly disinterested.

I've had girls tell me that I "come on too strong, too early." "You are too much/too good for me." That kind of BS. Here's what I am apparently screwing up?... I meet a girl. She's cute. I'm interested. I quickly decide that I like her (yeah, I said quickly). She is also interested--says she likes my personality, our long conversations, the way I look (girls generally find me physically attractive, and I'm quite tall and muscular), my initiative. Then I smile a lot, cuddle a lot, sit next to her a lot. Ok, you are getting the picture. BUT--here's what is really going through my head: I like this girl, but I DON'T want to marry her already, I DON'T want to give up my friends and my responsibilities, I NEED MY OWN TIME STILL, I WANT HER TO HAVE HER OWN FRIENDS/SPACE.

...So, if I really am just really, really attracted to a girl and am not being imposing or pushy or desperate, then HOW is affection a sign that I AM those things? I don't get it.

Any input is welcome...I'm just interested in what the girls have to say.
Heck, I'm a guy and I'll weigh in.

Look, you have to realize that women tend to be cautious at the beginning of any relationship--unless they're just in the mood to have a meaningless encounter.

That means your entire mission in your first few meetings/dates/whatever with a woman in question isn't to bed her but to know her. And by that I don't mean some moony, lovestruck batch of questions about how wonderful she is. For women, while they want to be adored, despise being worshipped.

So freaking relax. Date more than a woman at a time. If you have two or three great dates in a row, take a time out for a week to do something else. All so you're not looking as if you're trying to win a race or something.
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Old 03-31-2009, 08:38 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,843 posts, read 54,814,416 times
Reputation: 22811
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
For women, while they want to be adored, despise being worshipped.
In how many lifetimes were you a woman, cpg?! I for one have absolutely nothing against being worshipped!
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Old 03-31-2009, 08:57 PM
 
Location: Southern California
3,279 posts, read 4,642,626 times
Reputation: 4276
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smily Gladshanks View Post
What advice do you have for me? I either meet girls I turn out to not be interested in--and they seem to really want me--or I meet girls I do like--and they become quickly disinterested.

I've had girls tell me that I "come on too strong, too early." "You are too much/too good for me." That kind of BS. Here's what I am apparently screwing up?... I meet a girl. She's cute. I'm interested. I quickly decide that I like her (yeah, I said quickly). She is also interested--says she likes my personality, our long conversations, the way I look (girls generally find me physically attractive, and I'm quite tall and muscular), my initiative. Then I smile a lot, cuddle a lot, sit next to her a lot. Ok, you are getting the picture. BUT--here's what is really going through my head: I like this girl, but I DON'T want to marry her already, I DON'T want to give up my friends and my responsibilities, I NEED MY OWN TIME STILL, I WANT HER TO HAVE HER OWN FRIENDS/SPACE.

...So, if I really am just really, really attracted to a girl and am not being imposing or pushy or desperate, then HOW is affection a sign that I AM those things? I don't get it.
They told you. Don't come on so strong, and/or they have low self-esteem. When someone says you are too good for them, just take their word for it. They've probably got issues you don't want to deal with.

Otherwise, it is just an excuse and they simply didn't click with you like you thought. It turns out they are not interested. That happens. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either of you.

What kind of girls are you going for anyway? Different women respond differently to different things . I'm reserved and like a guy who takes initiative, but I also like a lot of space & to take things slow. A friend of mine expects to be making out on the first date, talking/texting daily afterwards, and moving in after 3 months. Maybe you just haven't met the right kind of girl for you (someone inbetween the two, clearly, haha).

BTW, I have your problem too. The guys I like don't like me enough, and the ones I lose interest in like me . So maybe the girls you don't like are having the same complaints
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Old 03-31-2009, 10:51 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,843 posts, read 54,814,416 times
Reputation: 22811
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple View Post
When someone says you are too good for them, just take their word for it. They've probably got issues you don't want to deal with.
That's often BS and an easy cop-out.
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Old 03-31-2009, 10:54 PM
 
Location: The best little city in the country
267 posts, read 552,868 times
Reputation: 357
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smily Gladshanks View Post
I'd like some input from girls older than, say, 24 on this one.

What advice do you have for me? I either meet girls I turn out to not be interested in--and they seem to really want me--or I meet girls I do like--and they become quickly disinterested.

I've had girls tell me that I "come on too strong, too early." "You are too much/too good for me." That kind of BS. Here's what I am apparently screwing up?... I meet a girl. She's cute. I'm interested. I quickly decide that I like her (yeah, I said quickly). She is also interested--says she likes my personality, our long conversations, the way I look (girls generally find me physically attractive, and I'm quite tall and muscular), my initiative. Then I smile a lot, cuddle a lot, sit next to her a lot. Ok, you are getting the picture. BUT--here's what is really going through my head: I like this girl, but I DON'T want to marry her already, I DON'T want to give up my friends and my responsibilities, I NEED MY OWN TIME STILL, I WANT HER TO HAVE HER OWN FRIENDS/SPACE.

...So, if I really am just really, really attracted to a girl and am not being imposing or pushy or desperate, then HOW is affection a sign that I AM those things? I don't get it.

Any input is welcome...I'm just interested in what the girls have to say.
You are really, really attracted to her, but you don't want to give up your friends, etc. . . sounds like you're sending mixed signals then. Because you're thinking I'm in LUST with you, and you're acting I'm in LOVE with you

If the girl isn't looking for a relationship - you're gonna scare her off by coming on too strong. I don't want someone who calls me every single day. I want someone who knows I have a job, and a life, and after a few dates he kind of knows my schedule, and knows when he can call that I won't be busy, and I'll have something to talk about. Sure, I like being affectionate, but if you're doing it constantly - to me at least, that just SCREAMS that you're pushing for something serious.

On the other hand, if the girl really likes you, and she is looking for something serious - she's gonna respond to everything you do - and then you're gonna end up dumping her, because she wanted more than you were ready to give out! Not her fault really.

Sounds like you just need to learn a little balance between how you act, and what you're thinking. A good way to balance those out - might be a little more open communication on your part - where you tell the girl that you like to be affectionate, but you AREN'T looking for anything serious. I had a guy have that conversation with me last night as a matter of fact - and personally, from my standpoint, that was fantastic, because he and I are on exactly the same page as far as what we're looking for right now.

If you lay it out on the line like that, you might have some people walk away that you liked - but they're walking away because they're looking for something different than you are right now, so let them, and move on, and you'll find someone perfect if you tell everyone what you're looking for!
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Old 03-31-2009, 11:02 PM
 
2,376 posts, read 2,426,555 times
Reputation: 2322
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smily Gladshanks View Post
I'd like some input from girls older than, say, 24 on this one.

What advice do you have for me? I either meet girls I turn out to not be interested in--and they seem to really want me--or I meet girls I do like--and they become quickly disinterested.

I've had girls tell me that I "come on too strong, too early." "You are too much/too good for me." That kind of BS. Here's what I am apparently screwing up?... I meet a girl. She's cute. I'm interested. I quickly decide that I like her (yeah, I said quickly). She is also interested--says she likes my personality, our long conversations, the way I look (girls generally find me physically attractive, and I'm quite tall and muscular), my initiative. Then I smile a lot, cuddle a lot, sit next to her a lot. Ok, you are getting the picture. BUT--here's what is really going through my head: I like this girl, but I DON'T want to marry her already, I DON'T want to give up my friends and my responsibilities, I NEED MY OWN TIME STILL, I WANT HER TO HAVE HER OWN FRIENDS/SPACE.

...So, if I really am just really, really attracted to a girl and am not being imposing or pushy or desperate, then HOW is affection a sign that I AM those things? I don't get it.

Any input is welcome...I'm just interested in what the girls have to say.

Even if I really like a guy, if he gets too physical too soon, it skeezes me out. It comes across as pushy and insensitive (by not respecting my boundaries and non-verbal signals that I'm not ready for that) or it comes across as a guy who just wants sex.

If I were you, I'd wait for definitive signs that the girl is ready, like her lightly touching your arm or constantly fidgeting with her hair. Mostly though, if the moment is right, you'll feel it. Some women have no problem making the first move. If you think that's her style, just wait for her to initiate.

In any event, the best relationships are the ones that go slowly. The longer you guys hold off on anything physical, the better it will be. If you end up moving into the friend zone, it just wasn't meant to be.

Short answer: My best guess would be that you're coming across as pushy because you're not reading the signals correctly. Communication is something like 93% non-verbal. A person is not going to say "it's ok for you to kiss me now, it's ok for you to hug me etc." Instead, they're going to send out non-verbal signals indicating these things and if you pick up on them correctly it shows the other person that you're both on the same page. If you don't pick up on the signals and act on your own feelings rather than trying to figure out what they're feeling, you will come across as pushy. If I were to ask you, how could you tell when it was the time was right to act, and you couldn't think of an answer, my guess would be based on that as well as the verbal feedback you're getting, you're reading the signals incorrectly.

Last edited by Violett; 03-31-2009 at 11:19 PM..
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Old 03-31-2009, 11:07 PM
 
Location: Southern California
3,279 posts, read 4,642,626 times
Reputation: 4276
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
That's often BS and an easy cop-out.
Like I said, "Otherwise, it is just an excuse..."
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