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Old 04-05-2009, 07:04 AM
 
1,570 posts, read 2,059,056 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shania View Post
So why, I ask, do people end up marrying (or even dating) someone that can't accept their children into their lives? Wouldn't that be a dealbreaker for just about any parent?
Probably for the same reason there are so many single mothers.
Stupidity.
Also decent guys don't want to marry someone who is a single mother. So single mothers bring this upon themselves when it comes to guys and dating. And sadly the child suffers due to the stupidity of the mother.
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Old 04-05-2009, 04:02 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 53,965,887 times
Reputation: 46662
Who on earth would be this stupid?
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Old 04-05-2009, 04:06 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,901 posts, read 52,306,082 times
Reputation: 52352
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Who on earth would be this stupid?
If stupidity was a commodity, there would be an excess available.
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Old 04-05-2009, 04:11 PM
 
Location: Texas
2,437 posts, read 6,992,244 times
Reputation: 1809
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
It's always amazed me that in English (or at least here; not sure how it is in the other English-speaking countries) a couple is called "a married couple" and then when they have children they become "a family." To me the primary relationship in any working marriage is between the husband and the wife regardless of whether all the kids are their own or not. Kids are not supposed to run households; adults are. Kids are supposed to have limits; adults are to set them. Children come into your life, spend some time with you, and then go on their own. The "family" should be the long-lasting relationship between the husband and the wife and the agreement between them. They have to represent an united front; not biological parents siding with their children and giving in to all their unreasonable demands while "accepting" somebody to "join" their already-existing "family" as an unimportant appendix to it.
This is what I have always said in all of my relationships... some people look at me wierd because I feel this way also.. but the question of the day is.. what happens when the kids move away and its just you and them? The family crumbles? I think not.. because the family should have always been about the man and woman..
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Old 04-05-2009, 04:18 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,946,401 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Who on earth would be this stupid?
Accepting children is one thing; letting them entirely run the adults' lives (often with the active "help" of a revengeful ex-spouse) is quite another... I could be wrong, but my feeling is the underlying true issue in such threads is the justification and search of validation of the latter.
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Old 04-05-2009, 04:18 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,901 posts, read 52,306,082 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man in SATX View Post
This is what I have always said in all of my relationships... some people look at me wierd because I feel this way also.. but the question of the day is.. what happens when the kids move away and its just you and them? The family crumbles? I think not.. because the family should have always been about the man and woman..
It's not really PC to say this statement, but I tend to agree. Kids are extremely important don't get me wrong.

It kind of goes along with the idea of what is best for the kids. If you make them the center of everything and the marriage might not be as strong. Hence a breakdown in family.

It is also the philosophical debate about what to do if you're on a plane and it starts to go down and the oxygen masks drop down. Do you put yours on or do you immediately help your child. People's first gut reaction would be to help the child. The smarter thing would be take care of yourself first, so then you're able to take care of the child.
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Old 04-05-2009, 04:48 PM
 
Location: The O.C.--Soon, ATL
670 posts, read 2,109,511 times
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My feeling is when you bring a child into this world, you have automatically taken on a responsibility of raising, providing for, and loving that child. You don't just throw the child away because he/she has problems. You don't turn your back on the child because he/she is in trouble. You don't evict a child from your home simply because it's more convenient. I see this all the time in my job. I also recognize there are times when a child has become so unmanageable that the parent can no longer provide the type of help that child needs, and also has to weigh the emotional health of the other children in the family and of course, the emotional health of their marriage. But that's not the situation I was posting about. I'm talking about parents who abdicate responsibility just because there is a personality conflict between their spouse and the child. My question is why did they even date/get together with that person in the first place? Why would you start a relationship and eventually marry someone who comes between you and your child from a prior relationship? When you marry someone, it's for better or worse. When you decide to become a parent, that's also for better or worse.
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Old 04-05-2009, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,946,401 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
If you make them the center of everything and the marriage might not be as strong. Hence a breakdown in family.
Exactly. It happens quite often even in regular (not step) families when one of the parents (usually the mother) makes the kids the center of the universe and the other spouse is absolutely neglected.
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Old 04-05-2009, 05:03 PM
 
Location: Texas
2,437 posts, read 6,992,244 times
Reputation: 1809
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
It's not really PC to say this statement, but I tend to agree. Kids are extremely important don't get me wrong.

It kind of goes along with the idea of what is best for the kids. If you make them the center of everything and the marriage might not be as strong. Hence a breakdown in family.

It is also the philosophical debate about what to do if you're on a plane and it starts to go down and the oxygen masks drop down. Do you put yours on or do you immediately help your child. People's first gut reaction would be to help the child. The smarter thing would be take care of yourself first, so then you're able to take care of the child.
I really dont care if it is PC or not to make that statement.. that is what is wrong with society these days.. too many people get their feathers ruffled... the matter of the point is.. if you do not have the man and the woman.. the children dont have the family.. you get my drift? Then we go into the next wave.. fatherless/motherless kids... but in order to first have the family.. you have to have the man and woman.. same as what came first the egg or the chicken? My 2cp... and I dont give a crap what anyone says.. Although I love my kids to death.. my wife.. will always come first.. because if we dont get along.. and have nothing in common.. then when we turn 80 and the kids our out of the house.. we will be two strangers in 4 walls... hell why not go to the bar then and drink?
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Old 04-05-2009, 05:39 PM
 
3,762 posts, read 5,398,584 times
Reputation: 4832
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Thanks. You know what's funny - that post got 2 reps and both were anonymous. I guess it's not socially acceptable to agree with it.
Well I agree with you.
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