The One That Got Away...

[temptation001]

I have heard so many stories of men and women who remember the one that "got away". Past boyfriends and girlfriends they wish they hadn't dumped or stopped talking to. Many, many years pass by and they still think of them.

[miu]

Originally Posted by Chanteuse d' Opéra

Do you believe that men/women remember those "good men/women" who they "treated badly" for better or for worse? Or do they just sweep them under the rug after they have used (or try) to use them up? What are your thoughts on this matter?

It really depends on how long they dated and if they actually had a real relationship imo. It also depends on how many people they have dated overall. If you are talking about someone that is fairly promiscuous, they will probably never really sit down and dwell on the women that they should have had a committed relationship with instead. Or if they weren't looking for a relationship at the time, they never noticed the finer inner qualities some of the women he slept with had. Men who are players never let themselves get emotionally attached to their dates. And unless something really tragic happens to them, where they suddenly can't or aren't getting dates any longer, they also never take the time to dwell on the past women in their lives... they just keep looking forward to new conquests.

Otherwise things that might cause them to have regrets would be for shallow reasons, like if an old flame suddenly won Powerball, or some celebrity was dating or married her.

Originally Posted by Chanteuse d' Opéra

What if the someone you were seeing in the past treated you poorly & you did not retaliate like the psycho ex-girlfriends in the past did & smash their heart to pieces like they did yours, but instead were respectful & wished them the best in life?

In this case, what you would be hoping for is to be remembered as a class act. Or even just to show men that not all women turn into psycho exes. Otherwise, again if a guy is being a player, he never let the woman get to him emotionally. Especially young guys are good with being more motivated by their penis, then their other head, and the other head is what's connected to their heart.

And what you don't want is to be too nice and have the guy come back later on and thinking that you would consider an FWB with him. He might just be thinking, "hey she doesn't hate me for what I did to her (since she's not acting mad and psycho), she's still nice to me, maybe we can do an FWB since she's clear on me not having love feelings for her..."

BTW I have no regrets at all for the ones that "got away" in my life. Anyway I didn't want to date or continue to have a relationship with (and I dumped), I still don't miss in my life. The magic just wasn't there for me then or now, and there are plenty of other good men out there. If anything, the few exes that I've seen years later aged very poorly and I'm very relieved not to be with them now. They gained weight and look a lot older than me, and they didn't do anything great or interesting with their lives.

[Connecticut Pam]

Originally Posted by Chanteuse d' Opéra

Do you believe that men/women remember those "good men/women" who they "treated badly" for better or for worse? Or do they just sweep them under the rug after they have used (or try) to use them up? What are your thoughts on this matter?

Interesting question and one that has crossed my mind a few times. My son's Father and I divorced back in 1981...eons ago. He didn't show up at our divorce hearing and basically I never saw him but maybe twice after that to swap our son for a few weeks in the summer. He actually use to take my son for a couple of weeks then stopped when my son was 15. Anyhow, last summer, my ex father-in-law passed away so my son and his wife went up to the funeral...son's grandpa and a great guy. I was going to go along but had just had heart surgery a few months prior and couldn't go. My son had wandered into his grandma's living room where his grandfather's urn was (he was cremated) and was kind of standing there when his father came in. Mind you, I have been away from this man for 30 years now. He puts his arm around my son and says, "gee, I wish your Mom had come up here for this".....My son gave him a strange look and said "why now after 30 years do you even care about her"......

So, to answer your question...yes, I think we cross their minds from time to time and probably more so as we begin to age. The ex is 63 and I am 61..too little too late for me.