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I've heard it said that abusive men tend to be very charming at first to a woman, very kind but I really don't know how to spot these men. Do they take on any kind of woman or do they mostly target women with low self-esteem. A friend of my mom's was involved in an abusive relationship with a man & she appeared very confident, self-assured woman. They are no longer together but my mother always wondered how she ended up with that man? What are your thoughts?
number-one red flag:
someone who insists on "exclusivity" when you barely know the individual.
second red flag:
criticizing numerous things about you, your life, etc., and demanding that you "change" those things.
third red flag:
(although this doesn't always happen, it's a sign of danger if it does)- insisting on always being in your company, and getting rid of the other people in your life.
number-one red flag:
someone who insists on "exclusivity" when you barely know the individual.
second red flag:
criticizing numerous things about you, your life, etc., and demanding that you "change" those things.
third red flag:
(although this doesn't always happen, it's a sign of danger if it does)- insisting on always being in your company, and getting rid of the other people in your life.
I'm sorry Shania but if somebody "tests" me then I'm going to get a little suspicious and annoyed with him/her for "testing" me, more likely they will not be called again, ignored, or even lectured to. Sorry but we are adults, we don't treat prospective mates, friends, or coworkers like guinea pigs to be tested on.
Also "tests" would annoy any normal/regular person with standards and expectations.
My thought, is if you are suspicious and have an overall body instinct that the guy or friend or mate or whatever is not for you, then move on. Don't be testing folks because karma will come back to you, some day you will be put through frustrating tests to see if you become angry or nasty or to draw out your dark side.
I don't mean "test" like devise a test of sorts to screen out potential abusers. What I mean, but guess I didn't say very clearly, is don't be afraid to voice your opinions and preferences, even if they are different than your date's. Some women tend to go along with everything to be nice (I'm guilty as charged sometimes at this), but if you actually state a preference and it's different than the guy's, a normal, mature guy can adjust and handle this; a guy who needs to be in control or has some type of agenda may not. And that can be a big red flag. There are other signs and ways to pick up on the vibes of an abuser or even a dangerous guy, this was just an example that came to mind last night when I was writing this post.
I was 19. Met this good lookin` dude, charming, kind, etc.. For about 3 months. One night, we had a brawl, and I could not believe that he hit me! I was stunned and of course, blamed it on the alcohol.
We went to his brothers house, and his wife had a black eye! I was so young, and naive....sheeshhh! Needless to say, that this, so called man, was so charming, and me being so naive, I stayed and lived in that mess, for 3 and a half years! I know!
I also may add, that he was one of these.....he is the nicest guy, until, he starts drinking!
I've heard it said that abusive men tend to be very charming at first to a woman, very kind but I really don't know how to spot these men. Do they take on any kind of woman or do they mostly target women with low self-esteem. A friend of my mom's was involved in an abusive relationship with a man & she appeared very confident, self-assured woman. They are no longer together but my mother always wondered how she ended up with that man? What are your thoughts?
I think most of these men seek out women who are vulnerable, no self/low esteem etc.
Where are all of these low self esteemed women. When I was single and looking to mingle I seemed to bump into only women that seemed to have very high self esteem if you get my drift.
Where are all of these low self esteemed women. When I was single and looking to mingle I seemed to bump into only women that seemed to have very high self esteem if you get my drift.
They were in hiding! lol...
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I was stunned and of course, blamed it on the alcohol.
I know!
