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I loved being a stay at home mom....I got to experience all their firsts...worked in their classrooms, was their Brownie and GS leader...helped with CubScouts...went on field trips....had their friends over afterschool so they wouldn't be alone until their own parents got home....I couldn't imagine trying to fit all that in after work. ...cleaned the house...made dinner...made their lunches....
What does seeing firsts have to do with anything? You can be with your kids 24 x 7 and turn your back for one second and miss a first. Is life different because you did/didn't see a first? IMO, the first time I saw my kdis do something was the first. For my husband the first time he saw it was a first. For all I know, the real first was in the middle of the night in their crib. (I was blessed with a day care provider who wouldn't have told me if she did see a first. I'm pretty sure I did not see dd#1's first step but pretty sure I did see dd#2's but nothing really changes if I'm wrong on both counts.) I just don't get the seeing firsts argument. Doesn't seem to hurt dad one bit if he doesn't see them.
I've always been a working mom, I saw firsts, worked in their classrooms, led the Lego robotics team, went on field trips (many SAHM's had trouble with this because they needed child care for younger siblings while us working moms just had to take the day off of work), had friends over after school (I worked 6:00-2:30 so I could pick them up from school.),... Life has a way of working itself out.... you do what's important to you with whatever time you have to do it.
Also, I have to ask, what's the difference between kids playing with friends at home after school or with friends at school in latch key? While I had a work schedule that allowed me to get off early enough to be home when they got home from school, I paid for latch key just in case and let my kids go often enough that they weren't strangers. They loved latch key. They loved going home after school. It didn't seem to matter to them which one they did.
What's bad is what I do now. I teach in their school so now they can't go home until I'm ready to go and they're too old for latch key. I never realized how mom unfriendly teaching was until I became a teacher. I thought about being on the same schedule but never thought about the fact I would need to hang around after school for an hour or so a day to take care of business and they'd have to stay with me.
Don't make this about whos way is better....if someone chooses to be a SAHM/D...applaude them! It isn't like its an unimportant thing to do. Why would their motives be questioned? Not everyone needs to 'accomplish' something in a career to feel good about themselves. If it works for you, your kids and family then awesome!
Don't make this about whos way is better....if someone chooses to be a SAHM/D...applaude them! It isn't like its an unimportant thing to do. Why would their motives be questioned? Not everyone needs to 'accomplish' something in a career to feel good about themselves. If it works for you, your kids and family then awesome!
Nope. I'll applaud someone for being a good parent but not for whether or not they choose to work while doing it. That's just a lifestyle choice. If you're lucky enough to be able to afford not to work for a living, that's it's own reward. No one needs to pat you on the back for that.
And my questions are genuine. I don't get the firsts argument. It's too easy to miss a first by turning your back at the wrong moment and I just don't see how seeing them/not seeing them makes a hill of beans difference WRT quality of life or anything else. I see no difference if I did/did not see my children's first. None. I'm guessing I saw some and didn't others. I don't know which and don't know why it matters.
Ditto for latchkey/going home after school. My kids liked both. If I were a kid, I think I'd pick latch key. Lots of friends to play with and lots of things to do. As a parent, I don't see why it matters if my child plays with their friends at our house, their friends house or at latch key after school. It's play time. Isn't that all that matters?
I don't think life is better if a parent stays at home so I'm not applauding anyone for doing it. I do think life can be better if mom works out of the home so I will applaud the moms who get up and go to work every day even though they'd rather stay home but know their family needs them to work. They're the ones who deserve applause. Moms like you and I who get the luxury of doing what we want to do don't deserve applause for having a choice. Our reward is getting to do what we want to do.
I'm blessed to have had a career that blended well with motherhood. To have earned enough to make a big difference in my children's lives. To have had a husband who worked with me as a parent to make working for a living work for all of us. To have had great day care providers to enrich my children's lives. I'm doubly blessed that I never wanted to stay at home. Being the primary bread winner, it would have been hard to take had it been what I wanted and I'm not sure knowing it's not necessary or even better for the kids would have helped if it was what I wanted. We tend to get tunnel vision about things we want.
And regarding making this about who's better, you're the one who listed all you did as a stay at home mom. I simply countered that I also did those things. Except girl scouts. Had my daughter gotten in, eventually, I would have been a troup leader but they didn't want the daughters of working moms because they assumed we couldn't volunteer which is untrue. It can, actually, be easier for us to volunteer because we don't have to find day care for younger siblings. We just have to make arrangements with our employers.
I used to read to the kids at the day care/pre-school every day. I flexed my lunch to have time to do it. One of the perks about being an engineer is it really doesn't matter what time of day you do your job if you're not tied to production. I had two meetings a day I had to make but I could work my 8.5 hours any way I liked other than that. Don't assume you need to stay at home to do the things you did. Many of us work and do them too. Or different ones. To each his own. Schools need parents to do things like run fund raisers too. 30 room moms would be a bit overwhelming.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 04-04-2009 at 06:00 PM..
Remember waaay back when women used to iron "our shirts" fellas. Well at least my mom ironed my dads and my grandmother ironed my grandfathers.
Remember home cooked meals that were actually made form scratch on a stove and not a microwave? I was raised that way. I cannot stand anything from a nuke-machine.
That's funny. I know a few gay men and they all iron better than me. Actually, I think they just care more about their clothes than I do mine. I could make do with 2 pairs of jeans, a couple of sweatshirts and a couple of t shirts . You don't have to iron any of those.
I remember ironing my moms uniform for her one day and burning the back of it. That was the start of my long history with ironing mishaps. I think I own an iron I haven't seen it in years.
I know I have one. My husband uses it every now and then.
That's funny. I know a few gay men and they all iron better than me. Actually, I think they just care more about their clothes than I do mine. I could make do with 2 pairs of jeans, a couple of sweatshirts and a couple of t shirts . You don't have to iron any of those.
I remember ironing my moms uniform for her one day and burning the back of it. That was the start of my long history with ironing mishaps. I think I own an iron I haven't seen it in years.
I know I have one. My husband uses it every now and then.
I like that I have a half blue collar-half white collar job. Therefore I get to wear casually cloths to work.
Where are the men that are capable of providing for the family, so that the women CAN stay home and not get a job themselves? Just saying.
I'm going to make decent money, but I believe my wife will have to work.
That's pretty much the norm these days if you want to get ahead. It's actually an ok arrangement if you both work together. When it doesn't work is when the man still expects the wife to do all the housework or if she expects herself to do it. We need down time too.
Remember waaay back when women used to iron "our shirts" fellas. Well at least my mom ironed my dads and my grandmother ironed my grandfathers.
Remember home cooked meals that were actually made form scratch on a stove and not a microwave? I was raised that way. I cannot stand anything from a nuke-machine.
Do you still exist ladies?
I'm a domesticated male but I'd like to have a lady that can actually do domestic work as well.
I actually cook home cooked meals from scratch quite often. They are far more nutritious, taste better, and in these economically challenging days are considerably cheaper What I do often is make the meals in advance and simply use the microwave to reheat the leftovers. (Yes, I actually like leftovers, certain meals actually get better as leftovers, spaghetti and meatballs comes to mind.) However, I don't do pies/cakes from scratch. They are a lot of work, and my piecrust never comes out very good, and cakes from Duncan Hines are fine. I have done cookies from scratch, especially Christmas cookies.
While overall I enjoy making home cooked meals as cooking acts as a creative outlet for me, I don't like cleanup.
Oh, and sorry, but absolutely no ironing for me as in never, ever. Period.
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Actually, I think they just care more about their clothes than I do mine. I could make do with 2 pairs of jeans, a couple of sweatshirts and a couple of t shirts 
