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Old 04-03-2009, 03:22 PM
 
Location: far away in Europe
109 posts, read 188,318 times
Reputation: 79

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You deserve so much better than that is a line that I hear very often passing from people to other people they do not know well or don't know at all.

In a moment of solitude, someone turns to someone else who is not their friend (let's take for example a discussion on a bus or on a forum) and confesses they are in a difficult situation with their SO.

The other person will retort, quite easily, 'oh, walk away, you deserve so much more than that, you will find someone so much better.

How do they know that ?? How can they be so confident that the person deserves better ? Like no one has to put up with anything just move on, always move on and search for better - but maybe they're to blame too for the s*** they ended up in, maybe if everyone was so great no one would team up with anyone and will just stay self-sufficient forever.

Is it a cultural thing ? (Americans use it much more than Europeans).

Or is it merely a form of encouragement, like something you say to make people feel better cause you realize, from how they present things, they will stay broken up so at least let's make them feel good about themselves?
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Old 04-03-2009, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,510 posts, read 12,038,565 times
Reputation: 9109
I think people basically don't know what else to say and they want to be supportive or they just don't want to seem too disinterested. I mean, c'mon, what are you going to say, especially if it's someone you don't really know well, as you say?
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Old 04-03-2009, 03:30 PM
 
Location: USA
2,135 posts, read 1,553,538 times
Reputation: 3509
Well, if you are asking for life-altering advise from a stranger on a bus, you get what you deserve.

Also, I think most people operate on the assumption that the person they are talking to is a decent, good-hearted person.
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Old 04-03-2009, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Not tied down... maybe later! *rawr*
2,689 posts, read 4,502,023 times
Reputation: 4264
Quote:
Originally Posted by Public_Newsense View Post
I think people basically don't know what else to say and they want to be supportive or they just don't want to seem too disinterested. I mean, c'mon, what are you going to say, especially if it's someone you don't really know well, as you say?



I think the same thing when someone passes away and all someone else can say is, "Oh, they lived a good life." Really? You want your loved one dying at 33 too? Or even better, "They died doing what they love". Really? 'Cuz I think in the last seconds of their life, the thing they loved became something they hated 'cuz it was causing them pain and suffering.

Some day, people might learn to just not say anything, when they can't think of something better to say. What a nice day that'll be!

JMO.
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Old 04-03-2009, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,510 posts, read 12,038,565 times
Reputation: 9109
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21 View Post

Also, I think most people operate on the assumption that the person they are talking to is a decent, good-hearted person.
That was my first impression as well but then do they assume the person they're talking about isn't? Just take a strangers word for it and automatically think the person complaining is just a poor victim? With myself, it would probably be that I don't know what else to say to them. But I don't recall saying that--you deserve so much better--to a stranger or near stranger.
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Old 04-03-2009, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Not tied down... maybe later! *rawr*
2,689 posts, read 4,502,023 times
Reputation: 4264
And to the original poster...

I agree... there's 2 sides to every story. And the one side that's posting about it on a message board is definitely gonna slant things to their advantage.

Unless you're in an abusive relationship, before I'd ever say, "you deserve better", I'd want to hear both sides of the story. maybe the other person in the relationship is the one who deserves better.

But that is assuming I care enough.
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Old 04-03-2009, 07:35 PM
 
283 posts, read 619,119 times
Reputation: 142
I think it's something people say when they say "U can do so much better" (who are you , a fortune teller? How do you know I can do better?) But when they say U deserve much better, they assume (ass u me)you are a good person and are with someone who is not so good. Usually this is based on quick observation or comments you've made.
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Old 04-03-2009, 09:20 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,067 posts, read 9,225,351 times
Reputation: 7951
If someone says this to you, it would likely be after you have complained about something that is hurting you. I'm sure they mean well, even if they don't know you that well.

Why would anyone be complaining to someone they barely know anyways?
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Old 04-03-2009, 09:23 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,843 posts, read 54,836,635 times
Reputation: 22812
It's irritating BS at best; at worst - some may actually not deserve it...
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Old 04-04-2009, 01:06 AM
 
3,844 posts, read 8,334,185 times
Reputation: 2430
Basically shows the entitlement attitude out there.

Relationships these days are about making it work and compromising. You aren't going to get very far if you just keep, "looking for better."
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