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I thought I would toss out this dynamic I have noticed in life.
In a dating relationship or a marriage, the person in the couple that is less in love / less interested usually "controls," meaning they get things their way more often.
Take a look at college dating. The pursuer, assuming they still retained that role later in the relationship, winds up doing most of the work and sacrificing more during the relationship. I had this situation with someone I like in late H.S., during college and that I then saw again at a reunion. I was more interested at all of those junctures. However, when I conveyed "eff you too" at her aloofness after last reconnecting, she then became more interested.
Same thing in marriages, it seems. The person who "needs" the other party more seems to be more apt to be dominated or becomes the "doormat," always seeming to work harder and/or give in more during the course of events. I won't even use descriptions of potential couples because I'll get hit with the "broad brush" accusation again, but then I think patterns are legitimate.
Your take on "the one who loves (likes) 'less' controls"?
Yeah, this is a real phenomenon, until you're in a real relationship. I'd never have the patience for these kind of games again. Burnt out or I'm spoiled.
Yeah, this is a real phenomenon, until you're in a real relationship. I'd never have the patience for these kind of games again. Burnt out or I'm spoiled.
You just described my marriage. Burnt out for years because I was the only one trying to spoiled because I can't try anymore and he wants to stay married. I think we skipped the both working together part.
Well I am not ugly, but right now, my SO seems to be taking advantage of the fact that I love him. At first he was the persuer and the one that would put in his best effort. But then I told him I loved him back and that was like telling him to go ahead and abuse me. Since then, he cant get enough of the head games and power tripping. But I'll work on getting my power back, or just leave him altogether.I want an equal partnership, or one where I have the power, not him.
Yep, that IS a problem -- when the balance changes. And that happens often! Sometimes they put on a good front, though, and hide their control issues until they're sure you're hooked!!
Yep, that IS a problem -- when the balance changes. And that happens often! Sometimes they put on a good front, though, and hide their control issues until they're sure you're hooked!!
Good luck to you!!!
Thank you teatime. I'm gonna need that luck, cus he's just into control. I just need some time to get over him.
Well I am not ugly, but right now, my SO seems to be taking advantage of the fact that I love him. At first he was the persuer and the one that would put in his best effort. But then I told him I loved him back and that was like telling him to go ahead and abuse me. Since then, he cant get enough of the head games and power tripping. But I'll work on getting my power back, or just leave him altogether.I want an equal partnership, or one where I have the power, not him.
I was recently in the same situation...know exactly how you feel. Alot of circumstances came between us and I left. It was hard and it still is somewhat hard, but know its for the best and in the long run, I believe I will be very happy about it.
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