socializing With Coworkers

[temptation001]

If you dont socialize with people, they will deem you as arrogant. You have to at least try. Then make up some excuse as to why you cant socialize " more often".

Try to be pleasant and buy people a round of drinks once in a while, as you do with your friends. Don't get them involved in your personal life if you think they are rumor mongers. Meet at a neutral place, not your house. And try to get along as best you can, because after all, you will be seeing these people for many years to come.

[Giesela]

I think its beyond irritating that I have to do this. I try but its hard. I don't like that many of the people I work with and its miserable. But if I don't.....it comes up with the boss.

[Connecticut Pam]

Originally Posted by thriftylefty

I know in some cultures or even in some professions the afterhours scene is important for networking and maybe to get yourself promoted. I have no desire to see people I work with when I am not being paid to do so. If I am going to be brown nosing someone I want to be paid for it. I can be fun at work or even when there is an out of town conference and we spend two or three days at meetings and social functions, but I would never want to be around any one I work with out side of work. My question is, is this behavior insulting or detrimental or acceptable? I will be starting a new job in the future and plan on not socializing with whatever group of *******s I have to work with or work for.

Wow...do you even like people? Doesn't sound it. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...no?? Look, no one is telling you that you have to go out every Saturday ngiht and have dinner with your co workers but having lunch, playing golf or going to someones house for a picnic is not brown nosing, it is called "making friends". Socializing outside of work for money purposes only is pretty low and you are probably hurting yourself in the long run. Yes, your behavior can be construed as insulting to people you work with and anything that is insulting is usually not acceptable behavior. Are you that anti-social?? I worked for years in a large office environment. Towards the end of my office career, I chose to not go to all the in house office birthday parties and other "banquets" that were set up all over the place for various celebrations. The reason? I was getting WAY to fat and had serious weight issues...didn't need the food. I tried just staying away saying I had to work on something...got harassed by co-workers every time. About the 10th time this happened...I said..."Look at me. Do I look like I need to go eat all that food"....then I explained I was trying to lose some weight and they left me alone.

If you want to be successful in a job, any job, you should consider trying to be nicer to people and first of all not refer them as a-holes or any other derrogatory word you tried to put in your post and got edited. A big portion of any job evaluation is how you relate to other people. No one likes a hard arse or an anti-social, unapproachable, mean spirited person and believe me it will show on any job evaluation you may have.

Think it over...no one is asking you to marry a co worker...just try being nicer.

[thriftylefty]

I think I am a very social person. I serve on three boards which all have social functions, my family reunions can have up to 100 people attending, and I feel my circle of personal friends is a little larger than most people due to the amount of social things I am already committed to. It seems like during the spring, summer, and fall I will have multiple invites to choose from for every weekend. As a matter of fact I feel that the reason I don’t have as much time to spend with family and social friends is work. The last job I worked took nearly 60 hours a week to do, and then with Friday happy hour, it was just too much. A case in point is my SO who has worked the same Job for over 10 years and who’s BF was a co-worker. When work takes up most of our time we lose contact with old friends. Now my SO’s BF decided to move on and quit her job. So for all practical purposes my SO is friendless. My policy is make good friends at work but leave them there.
[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]

[eggalegga]

I very rarely socialize with my coworkers. I'm an accountant. I see these people 40 hours per week. That's enough. Plus I really don't have that much in common with most of them. Four are divorced with children, two are married with children. I don't want to be pulled into their kid drama nor do I want to hear about their arguments with their spouses. My boss is one of the married ones. He doesn't socialize outside of our 40 hour work week. I don't feel that my lack of socialization has hindered my job stability at all. I've been here 10 years.

Seven plus years ago, I did, on occaision, meet a few co-workers for drinks. But they all worked in another department. They were the "fun" group. That department was eliminated so those people have since moved on.

Guess I feel guilty leaving my dog home all day alone. I don't want to leave her at night too. She's losing her eyesight and it worries me.

[flunkedretirement]

I worked at a regional TV station for 14 years. The staff was very small, and we all wore numerous hats. We got together at a local watering hole on Thursday nights for many years, and had a blast.

We didn't talk about family problems, or the a-hole general manager (because he wasn't one) or complain about anything except demanding/stupid clients or non-working or outdated equipment. We simply enjoyed each other's company without the constant deadlines of then-live TV. Outside of the semi-regular gatherings, we didn't socialize unless some staff member had a Christmas or New Year party. We had a blast at those too, but unfortunately most of our SOs had no fun at all because the rest of us had too much to talk and laugh about.

Later, I worked at a regional hospital. "Forced" socializing was the norm. Company-sponsored lunches, enforced attendance at "Secretaries' Day Festivities," strongly suggested attendance at "Sports Day," advised participationg in "Stop Smoking Day," etc., etc. All in the name of "building a team."

There were a few folks there I'd have liked to know better, and might even have invited them to my home or gone to theirs if invited, but somehow friendships outside of the work environment were subliminally discouraged. It felt so good to leave!

IMHO, socializing outside of the workplace is fine, if boundaries are enforced. Becoming true friends with someone is a personal choice on both sides, and should not intrude INTO the workplace. Forced socializing doesn't ever seem be to successful at achieving the stated goal.

[NorthsideJacksonville]

Originally Posted by YBF

Its not about not getting along its about not being forced to socialize or become friends with people you work with. I know that if you dont choose your friends wisely it could end up biting you in the @ss later especially if you are going against them for a promotion or the like. You spend most of your time with the people you work with so its obvious that you need to be cordial with them but you dont need to tell them your life stories and get drinks in your free time them. That should be a choice not a force. At the end of the day you are at work to get paid not to make friends and money+friendships=disaster!!!!!!!!!

THAT'S THE BONAFIDE TRUTH. LAY THE SMACK DOWN! This may be a foreign concept to some people but there are SOME people that go to work to WORK, not socialize I can get down with my co-workers if need be, but I choose not to because I work hard, then play harder

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by thriftylefty

I know in some cultures or even in some professions the afterhours scene is important for networking and maybe to get yourself promoted. I have no desire to see people I work with when I am not being paid to do so. If I am going to be brown nosing someone I want to be paid for it. I can be fun at work or even when there is an out of town conference and we spend two or three days at meetings and social functions, but I would never want to be around any one I work with out side of work. My question is, is this behavior insulting or detrimental or acceptable? I will be starting a new job in the future and plan on not socializing with whatever group of *******s I have to work with or work for.

I don't know if it's detrimental to a career, but eh, I socialize when I can. At my job, many are involved in various activities. I joined a racket ball team because my boss heads it up. I would prefer going home at the end of the day on the Friday's they have meets, but I'm doing my time. There are many people outside of my dept that are involved as well and I want to get to know as many of them as possible. I skipped this year's dept outing, which I shouldn't have done (I had work to do). But, that was on the co's dime.

[samston]

Originally Posted by temptation001

If you dont socialize with people, they will deem you as arrogant. You have to at least try. Then make up some excuse as to why you cant socialize " more often".

Try to be pleasant and buy people a round of drinks once in a while, as you do with your friends. Don't get them involved in your personal life if you think they are rumor mongers. Meet at a neutral place, not your house. And try to get along as best you can, because after all, you will be seeing these people for many years to come.

I concur!