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Old 04-09-2009, 12:36 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,036 posts, read 8,914,487 times
Reputation: 7880
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubyanumberone View Post
Just look around the net a bit and you'll find plenty of horror stories. If a woman wants to she can absolutely destroy her soon to be ex husband.
Yah, I'm sure they are all true. Do you believe everything you read on the net or see on TV?

It is tantamount to an urban legend at this point, backed by bogus father's rights groups and deadbeat dads. There are horror stories, yes. People do get the shaft. But to state this to be the case, nearly all the time, is a huge disservice to the OP and other men in his position. This is the stuff that will make them negotiate down when they don't have to. And prove to a court that there are satanic rituals being performed in the child's presence and he/she would be making a bad career move to not remove the child all together.

I have followed actual cases and have found that many of the men and women who claim they were screwed never really wanted custody to begin with. Having custody is the only way to guarantee they won't have to pay child support and these losers don't like parting with their money.
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Old 04-09-2009, 12:40 PM
 
Location: Right were I should be!
1,079 posts, read 1,008,934 times
Reputation: 1083
'Mother is the name of god on the lips of all children'. No matter how bad she is. It sucks, but there it is.
You, no matter how much you wish otherwise, can NOT sheild the kids from everything. And don't be surprised if they act out for you but not her. The psychology says that kids will act out towards the stable parent because on a basic level they know you are always going to be there for them, whereas they are never going to be sure of mom, so they have to behave to keep her in their lives.
I agree with the taping thing, and the document everything. Most courts will accept handwritten journals documenting these conversations as long as they are dated and there are no indications all the entries were written the same day (manufactured for court).

I would get the boys into counseling right now so they can start to work on the issues that are already being felt.

I know it sucks to have her take the $, but you can make more of that and you are doing the right thing by your boys, so let that go.

BTW, this could end up being the BEST thing to happen to you and your boys- keep that in mind. It sounds like your stbx is still suffering from post partum depression.

Good luck!
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Old 04-09-2009, 12:51 PM
 
5,108 posts, read 7,547,619 times
Reputation: 3455
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
My lawyer says to get the boys into the court room. "Your wife will butcher herself in front of them!"

I don't feel like the money is worth the damage to my kids.

My oldest is almost 11 the youngest almost 7.
kids that young are not going to be in the courtroom
my experience is that the legal system does not want to put kids in the courtroom in any way shape or form because it's nothing but negative

if the children's input is needed, then generally home visits are made by court-appointed professionals who talk to mom, dad, kids, and then they present their findings and recommendations to the court. It can be a series of visits, depending on what the concerns are in drawing up the parenting plan
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Old 04-09-2009, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
11,069 posts, read 10,900,577 times
Reputation: 11142
Bonehead what are your living arrangements now?
Just a thought and Im not sure if this can be done in all states but, if the kids are living with you now (or if you are all still living together and you dont want her to take the kids elsewhere) and you file first you could have the home declared the kids official domicile. That would mean they would have to stay in that home thru the divorce. If you are all living together, she could leave but not take the kids. If she left it could be considered abandonment, but the same might be true for you. Just something you might want to ask your attorney about.
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Old 04-09-2009, 01:05 PM
 
Location: NYC area
3,486 posts, read 3,310,185 times
Reputation: 3744
OP: It is quite common for divorcing parents who aren't interested in custody to fight for it merely for leverage purposes. I have a possible solution for you, but you are not going to like it: offer to give up custody. It's not going to do your children any good for you to go to 17 court hearings, countless depositions and tests, shifting living arrangements and spend astronomical sums of money fighting over them. Don't play into your wife's hands by turning your children into pawns and bargaining chips. Tell her: "You want custody? You got it." If she really isn't "maternal", like you say, that will take the wind out of her sails real quick -- and you'll probably end up with primary custody anyway.
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Old 04-09-2009, 01:10 PM
 
1,072 posts, read 1,570,238 times
Reputation: 491
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
Thing is shortly after she gave birth she became mildly depressed. So over the years her own misery has begun to ooze out all over the rest of us. Now poisoning day to day life.

Before we got pregnant we had a few GREAT years. I kept thinking eventually she will come back and be the woman I married. I tried to encourage her to see a therapist. I went to therapy; she made one attempt and the moment she didn't hear what she wanted the counseling was over.

The laws in Texas say only one person on the tape has to know for it to be legit for court. I knew; so the onus is fulfilled. You are exactly right about the heavy slant. The only real hope I have is the proof and testimony of family friends that know I am the primary care giver now. As to the asset division the tape will hurt her in showing she is more concerned about money. The courts definitely frown on the "Gold Digger" stuff.
I sensed Post Partum depression. Was she diagnosed with that?
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Old 04-09-2009, 01:10 PM
 
1,535 posts, read 945,750 times
Reputation: 981
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
Yah, I'm sure they are all true. Do you believe everything you read on the net or see on TV?

It is tantamount to an urban legend at this point, backed by bogus father's rights groups and deadbeat dads. There are horror stories, yes. People do get the shaft. But to state this to be the case, nearly all the time, is a huge disservice to the OP and other men in his position. This is the stuff that will make them negotiate down when they don't have to. And prove to a court that there are satanic rituals being performed in the child's presence and he/she would be making a bad career move to not remove the child all together.

I have followed actual cases and have found that many of the men and women who claim they were screwed never really wanted custody to begin with. Having custody is the only way to guarantee they won't have to pay child support and these losers don't like parting with their money.

I'll respectfully disagree with you here. Many of these men resent paying child support and then having little or no visitation with their children let alone any say in how they are raised. The court system has an active interest in destroying families and removing the non custodial parent from the family. Most states receive federal money based on how much child support they collect.

Joint custody needs to be the starting point in divorce negotiations. Both parents have a right and the obligation to be involved in their children's lives.

We need to take a hard look at no fault divorce also. People should have the freedom to leave but I feel it's morally wrong to allow someone to get "bored" and basically boot their spouse and collect alimony, take the home, take their retirement. This seems to be very common among women nowadays. They get "bored" and need a badboy and the husband gets the boot along with a huge alimony/child support bill.

Men are no better and have done the mid life crisis thing with their secretary since the beginning of time. The difference is that men have always been punished finacially by the court for behaving in this manner. Women can bail and still cash in. For every Kevin Federline there are 100 Heather Mills.
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Old 04-09-2009, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Texas
1,226 posts, read 1,819,620 times
Reputation: 660
You just don't get me then. My heart nearly hit the floor to consider it. My worst fear is to not have them. I don't think I can do that. I couldn't sleep. It would be a very bad thing for me. What if it backfires. How do I look myself in the mirror?

No she never would see anyone for the depression. I only really figured out what it was after going to counseling for a while myself.
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Old 04-09-2009, 02:16 PM
 
Location: NYC area
3,486 posts, read 3,310,185 times
Reputation: 3744
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded View Post
You just don't get me then. My heart nearly hit the floor to consider it. My worst fear is to not have them. I don't think I can do that. I couldn't sleep. It would be a very bad thing for me. What if it backfires. How do I look myself in the mirror?
Then think of what's best for your children. Remember the tale of King Solomon judging the dispute between 2 women over a child (no, I'm not religious, but I think it's a good story). The better parent would rather give up the child than split him in half.
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Old 04-09-2009, 02:37 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,036 posts, read 8,914,487 times
Reputation: 7880
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubyanumberone View Post
I'll respectfully disagree with you here. Many of these men resent paying child support and then having little or no visitation with their children let alone any say in how they are raised.
That's another topic all together, but child support does not buy visitation or say in how they are raised. I'm not saying they shouldn't have a say or visitation, just that you are supposed to provide for your child regardless.

Quote:
The court system has an active interest in destroying families and removing the non custodial parent from the family. Most states receive federal money based on how much child support they collect.
I am having a really hard time with that statement. Do you have the data/documentation to support this?

Quote:
Joint custody needs to be the starting point in divorce negotiations. Both parents have a right and the obligation to be involved in their children's lives.
Absolutely.

Quote:
We need to take a hard look at no fault divorce also. People should have the freedom to leave but I feel it's morally wrong to allow someone to get "bored" and basically boot their spouse and collect alimony, take the home, take their retirement. This seems to be very common among women nowadays. They get "bored" and need a badboy and the husband gets the boot along with a huge alimony/child support bill.
Another blanket statement. If it's no fault, it's no fault. Both parties are entitled to a share of the assets accumulated throughout the marriage, whether someone gets bored or not. If the love is gone, the marriage is over. What's unfortunate is when people aren't mature enough to end it amicably or civilly, and the kids are caught in the crossfire.

Quote:
Men are no better and have done the mid life crisis thing with their secretary since the beginning of time. The difference is that men have always been punished finacially by the court for behaving in this manner. Women can bail and still cash in. For every Kevin Federline there are 100 Heather Mills.
This is with the mindset that women are not entitled to half when they bail, with ot without cheeating? Because the men are bread winners?
Just wondering.
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