Custody battles...... (wife, older, family, separation)

[Boneheaded]

So the soon to be ex and I were talking this morning about what we want the custody to be. She has never and I mean NEVER been very maternal. I can't tell you how many times she has asked me on Friday or even as late as Sunday.... So what did the boys do in school this week.

Anyway I tell her I want primary custody. I don't want or need any kind of child support from her. I tell her whenever she wants to take the boys no problem. I made it clear I don't want to keep them from her. Basically I have the time to raise them and she doesn't.

Her only arguement.... I will agree to that as long as you don't fight me on the asset separation. This is the second time she has basically offered for me to buy custody. She then calls me a few mins ago and says she is going to fight for primary custody. Her reasons..... She will not be in control of their trusts if she doesn't have primary. Keep in mind she did not contribute a dime to their trusts. In fact the only household bills she has every paid is her car, and the water bill.(She set up the water account when we moved out here.) Other than those two. Not one dime into the family trust, not a dime into the college funds, not a dime into our long term retirement. She earns just under 100k a year and still wants more. I have a phone call recorded from the first time she offered to sell me my boys.

I am worried she will want to drag the boys into the court room. I am terrified of the ramifications. Can you imagine the damage to my boys hearing Mommy offer to sell them to Dad.


What can I do to minimize the hurt they will go through?

Can I keep the boys out of the court room?

Will it work against me to try and keep them out of the court room?

Thanks in advance for your advice/comments.

~Boney~

[Tzaphkiel]

find a good attorney who specializes in dad's custody

[afoigrokerkok]

How old are they?

I see you are in TX. State law gives children over a certain age the right to specify (in court) which parent they want to have custody and which parent they want to live with (as their primary residence).

[J double R]

you should be able to reason with the judge about the boys' presence.. it is the judge's court, and he/she can make that decision.

provide as many financial records as you can (both yours and hers), as well as her attempts to barter with you for custody.

also know that there are two different types of custody.. legal, and physical. for example.. in my case, my ex and I have joint legal custody, and she has primary physical custody.. which means my daughter LIVES with her, and i get to see her when i like; but i have a legal right and say in everything affecting her, regardless of where she lives. explore your options with that.. it sounds like you want primary legal custody, with an open visitation (nothing specified) agreement.

[MonaLisaVito]

I don't know much about trust funds, is there a third party that could be the trustee of the kids' college funds?

I would not EVER let the kids hear anything about "mommy trying to sell dad the kids" this is something that they should never hear. I would never use it against your wife either, this will only hurt the kids, not her.

I would do whatever it takes to get custody, give her what she wants (within reason) just to get your boys.

Get yourself a good lawyer

[2mares]

Normally the judges will keep the kids out of the courtroom. Depending on where you live and what services are available the court can appoint a childrens advocate to oversee the best interest of your children. Its my understand the advocate talks to your kids instead of them having to appear in court and will arrange any counseling for them if needed. Bonehead, get a good attorney and cover your butt. Things will get very ugly if your stbx has this attitude. Wishing you much luck.

[Boneheaded]

My lawyer says to get the boys into the court room. "Your wife will butcher herself in front of them!"

I don't feel like the money is worth the damage to my kids.

My oldest is almost 11 the youngest almost 7.

[Granny Sue]

A good family court Judge will take this into consideration and will rule on what they think is best for the children.

I would certainly let your concerns be known to your attorney and if he/she is worth anything they will make sure the judge knows them.

Kudos to you for taking such great care of their feelings.

[MonaLisaVito]

Originally Posted by Boneheaded

My lawyer says to get the boys into the court room. "Your wife will butcher herself in front of them!"

I don't feel like the money is worth the damage to my kids.

My oldest is almost 11 the youngest almost 7.

No, it's not. Just act in the best interest of the kids at all times. Never talk bad about their mother. Goodness will always prevail in the end.

[afoigrokerkok]

Originally Posted by Boneheaded

My lawyer says to get the boys into the court room. "Your wife will butcher herself in front of them!"

I don't feel like the money is worth the damage to my kids.

My oldest is almost 11 the youngest almost 7.

Work with your lawyer to present her as unfit.

Your boys do not have a legal right to speak in court unless they are 12 or older.

As far as the financial issues, you've got to decide how much you're willing to cave. A settlement is the best way to go for many reasons.