Study: kids hurt marital satisfaction (marriage, guy, love, hubby)

[killer2021]

Kids may hurt marriages

Thoughts?

[Whyte Byrd]

I think that just shows how many couples don't really give it a whole lot of serious thought as to what having children can actually do to/for your life. Anyone who ends up surprised that the child came between their life as a childless couple and their expectations as parents were probably just thinking how cute a baby would be. Well, babies grow up and reality sets in fast--on many levels. Yes, children change everything. What did they expect?

[carlitasway]

I'm not gonna lie, it changes things a lot. Before we had children hubby and I could do as we pleased. If we wanted to spend the weekend just sleeping and making love then we could. We could get up and do what we wanted when we wanted. Life is cheaper when you don't have kids. And even though you are considerate of the other person's needs you don't have to worry about them being dependant on you like children.

After kids, no privacy at all. It takes getting used to. All of a sudden it was living paycheck to paycheck because we didn't plan for them. Although after the second one I got my tubal because I didn't want to end up on government aid. Sleepless nights and postpartum depression didn't help either.

Children are a blessing but they are work. Now we can't imagine our lives without them.

[killer2021]

Originally Posted by Public_Newsense

I think that just shows how many couples don't really give it a whole lot of serious thought as to what having children can actually do to/for your life. Anyone who ends up surprised that the child came between their life as a childless couple and their expectations as parents were probably just thinking how cute a baby would be. Well, babies grow up and reality sets in fast--on many levels. Yes, children change everything. What did they expect?

Yup I totally agree. I think a lot of people have kids for entirely the wrong reasons.

I'm not gonna lie, it changes things a lot. Before we had children hubby and I could do as we pleased. If we wanted to spend the weekend just sleeping and making love then we could. We could get up and do what we wanted when we wanted. Life is cheaper when you don't have kids. And even though you are considerate of the other person's needs you don't have to worry about them being dependant on you like children.

After kids, no privacy at all. It takes getting used to. All of a sudden it was living paycheck to paycheck because we didn't plan for them. Although after the second one I got my tubal because I didn't want to end up on government aid. Sleepless nights and postpartum depression didn't help either.

Children are a blessing but they are work. Now we can't imagine our lives without them.

Thanks for the insight. You know the old saying, "kids are a labor of love."

[silverwing]

Originally Posted by killer2021

Kids may hurt marriages

Thoughts?

Emphasis on the "may" qualifier. The study also shows that the quality of childless/childfree marriages also diminish over time.

Interesting study; one that I think a lot of people will respond to with a "well, duh"; but it doesn't offer any solutions for the issue, just conclusions. IMO, the most important thing is that the partners are compatible on the issue of kids - deciding as best they can pre-marriage whether to have them or not and with what kind of principles they will be raised. At least that conflict/decision would be out of the way before you tie the knot.

[killer2021]

Originally Posted by silverwing

Emphasis on the "may" qualifier. The study also shows that the quality of childless/childfree marriages also diminish over time.

Interesting study; one that I think a lot of people will respond to with a "well, duh"; but it doesn't offer any solutions for the issue, just conclusions. IMO, the most important thing is that the partners are compatible on the issue of kids - deciding as best they can pre-marriage whether to have them or not and with what kind of principles they will be raised. At least that conflict/decision would be out of the way before you tie the knot.

Yea, the article also highlights the fact that satisfaction declines after a while. I guess you just get tired of the same thing after a while and need something fresh and new.

The article did highlight the fact that kids do provide, "family happiness." You really need a strong marriage in the first place (most don't have that) for the family happiness to really take effect though.

[carlitasway]

Originally Posted by killer2021

Yea, the article also highlights the fact that satisfaction declines after a while. I guess you just get tired of the same thing after a while and need something fresh and new.

The article did highlight the fact that kids do provide, "family happiness." You really need a strong marriage in the first place (most don't have that) for the family happiness to really take effect though.

Yes!

[CESpeed]

This article is absolutely ridiculous. Why would anyone create such a study? It reads like a guy who decided he didn't want children and created this to convince his SO.

[sueprnova]

Our kids were out of the house when we were early 40's...bennies of having kids young.
They always knew that OUR time was important....yeah, the teen yrs were crap and one of our daughters is a recovering meth addict ( 6 yrs clean)....but they knew from little kids that we were a united front when it came to decisions....and if the bedroom door was closed....don't knock unless someone is bleeding or isn't breathing

If they would happen to answer the phone during that 5 minutes of heaven...they would tell the person on the other end that "mommy and daddy are telling secrets"

After 25+ yrs married...we moved to Chicago w/o the kids...I miss them and the grandbabies....I just wish they would all move here.

[Autumn07]

This exactly why I dont want kids.
Once you have kids you dont have any time to yourself anymore- no sleeping in, doing as you please ect...