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Old 04-10-2009, 06:07 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 45,352,353 times
Reputation: 11862

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I'm talking about the serious cases; the love-sick 'no-hopers', the 'losers', even the Forty-year old virgins...

I'm 23 and I still have never been in a relationship, let alone been with a woman. I'm not going to let this be another sob story...Let's just say lack of confidence, and not meeting the right person - or at least even being able to get close enough to them or having the courage to take it beyond the first level - has been the root cause.

The years seem to pass quicker when you're racing against time. When I was young I thought I'd have a gf when I was 17: 17 came, I was sure it would be when I was 18. Then 21. The years passed, and nothing changed. I tried half-heartedly and in vain. I've tried some of the advice given to no avail. Anyway, I don't want to make this thread about me.

I'm interested in YOUR stories - the C-D community's stories - of how you overcame what seemed to be insurmountable odds. I'm not desperate for anyone, but just for someone I can really connect with. If I was desperate for anyone I could have someone. It's not that I'm shallow, it's just hard for me.

I'm not very ugly, or fat, or have a bad personality. I'm pretty nice, just not suave, smooth or a ladies man. Are there any here without major impediments who have the same problem?

Anyway, feel free to add your personal anecdotes....

Last edited by Trimac20; 04-10-2009 at 06:22 AM..
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Old 04-10-2009, 06:20 AM
 
1,570 posts, read 1,671,729 times
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I've never really had a gf either, and actually most of the times when I did. I realized it wasn't good for either one of us especially me I always got stuck with crazy women who were paranoid and wanted to control me or they just weren't ever there. So I stopped dating altogether and am only 22.
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Old 04-10-2009, 06:38 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,118 posts, read 34,619,338 times
Reputation: 16195
When I met my boyfriend, he was almost 22 and while he'd dated several women, he'd given up on finding someone to have a serious relationship with. He'd never met a woman that shared his interests or had similar life philosophies with until he met me.
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Old 04-10-2009, 06:51 AM
 
5,823 posts, read 10,149,308 times
Reputation: 4531
Until I met my former so (my son's mother ) at nearly 27, I had had a few dates , but no long term relationships, more sort of one-night stands (not my fault)or platonic dates (kissing, petting). I was seriously starting to worry if I was able to have a stable, long term girlfriend.
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Old 04-10-2009, 07:20 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 30,724,367 times
Reputation: 14583
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
I'm talking about the serious cases; the love-sick 'no-hopers', the 'losers', even the Forty-year old virgins...

I'm 23 and I still have never been in a relationship, let alone been with a woman. I'm not going to let this be another sob story...Let's just say lack of confidence, and not meeting the right person - or at least even being able to get close enough to them or having the courage to take it beyond the first level - has been the root cause.

The years seem to pass quicker when you're racing against time. When I was young I thought I'd have a gf when I was 17: 17 came, I was sure it would be when I was 18. Then 21. The years passed, and nothing changed. I tried half-heartedly and in vain. I've tried some of the advice given to no avail. Anyway, I don't want to make this thread about me.

I'm interested in YOUR stories - the C-D community's stories - of how you overcame what seemed to be insurmountable odds. I'm not desperate for anyone, but just for someone I can really connect with. If I was desperate for anyone I could have someone. It's not that I'm shallow, it's just hard for me.

I'm not very ugly, or fat, or have a bad personality. I'm pretty nice, just not suave, smooth or a ladies man. Are there any here without major impediments who have the same problem?

Anyway, feel free to add your personal anecdotes....
No personal experience here but I do have a suggestion. Join a club. Many churches have singles groups that plan activities. You may not meet the one there but it will get you out and mingling and you just might have fun. Get involved in something. When you're out doing things you love to do, you end up meeting people who share that passion.

I'll tell you the story of my brother. He was in his 30's and decided to give up. He had dreamed of going to Hawii on his honeymoon but decided to go with a singles group from his church because he figured that he was never getting married. He came back with a dilemma. He met two women on the trip. He had a hard time deciding which one to date. He made his choice, and three years later they got married. Now they have three kids and are one of the happiest couples I know (my sister and her husband are the happiest but they met in preschool so she doesn't count here).

Get out. Live life. Do what you love. If nothing else, you'll have fun and meet people who think like you. You never know, you could end up like my brother too.
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Old 04-10-2009, 07:24 AM
 
5,823 posts, read 10,149,308 times
Reputation: 4531
you end up meeting people who share that passion.

It's not because they share a passion that automatically they are going to fall for the guy. If it were that simple...
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Old 04-10-2009, 07:26 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 45,352,353 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
No personal experience here but I do have a suggestion. Join a club. Many churches have singles groups that plan activities. You may not meet the one there but it will get you out and mingling and you just might have fun. Get involved in something. When you're out doing things you love to do, you end up meeting people who share that passion.

I'll tell you the story of my brother. He was in his 30's and decided to give up. He had dreamed of going to Hawii on his honeymoon but decided to go with a singles group from his church because he figured that he was never getting married. He came back with a dilemma. He met two women on the trip. He had a hard time deciding which one to date. He made his choice, and three years later they got married. Now they have three kids and are one of the happiest couples I know (my sister and her husband are the happiest but they met in preschool so she doesn't count here).

Get out. Live life. Do what you love. If nothing else, you'll have fun and meet people who think like you. You never know, you could end up like my brother too.
The difference between me and some is I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Problem is, that light is mighty far away! Short term everything looks gloom and doom, but no matter how bad things get, I stand by the conviction it'll happen in good time. I'm realistic to know, though, I have to start putting things in place so that it WILL happen eventually.
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Old 04-10-2009, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 30,724,367 times
Reputation: 14583
Quote:
Originally Posted by pigeonhole View Post
you end up meeting people who share that passion.

It's not because they share a passion that automatically they are going to fall for the guy. If it were that simple...
I didn't say that was the case. If nothing else you'll have a group who shares your passions. However, I would think it more likely you'll find true love among those who enjoy what you enjoy. The point is to join without the intention of finding a mate but rather, just getting out there and enjoying life with like minded people. You never know where that might lead until you go there.
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Old 04-10-2009, 07:27 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 45,352,353 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I didn't say that was the case. If nothing else you'll have a group who shares your passions. However, I would think it more likely you'll find true love among those who enjoy what you enjoy. The point is to join without the intention of finding a mate but rather, just getting out there and enjoying life with like minded people. You never know where that might lead until you go there.
That's very true...Church is a good place to meet people/dates, although of course most have an eye for marriage. I probably do want to get married, but not until I'm about 30, unless my wife really loved traveling and would be willing to follow me round the world!
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Old 04-10-2009, 08:16 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,118 posts, read 34,619,338 times
Reputation: 16195
Quote:
Originally Posted by pigeonhole View Post
you end up meeting people who share that passion.

It's not because they share a passion that automatically they are going to fall for the guy. If it were that simple...
But it helps a lot to get out there and meet others with your same passions. When I was really into music and playing in a band, I met my first boyfriend who was a drummer. Another boyfriend was a fellow antiques dealer. My current boyfriend and I share a passion for cars and we other shared interests.

Or through a new friends with a shared passion, one of them might have a sibling or friend that might be suitable date material for you. It's about expanding your social network which is key if your current social networking pond is all fished out and explored.

Also, having a shared passion is a great way to forge strong friendship bonds. And I feel that it's better and more sincere that just signing up for a singles group where the only purpose there is that everyone is single, lonely and looking for a s/o. Singles groups are more driven by hormones and emotions. Sometimes it's nicer to have another focus and happen upon love in a more serendipitous fashion. I think that people just there for a shared passion and primarily for platonic friendships are more honest and sincere about themselves that single people trying to promote and sell themselves to other singles as a potential s/o..
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