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Old 04-11-2009, 09:46 AM
 
1,860 posts, read 2,592,122 times
Reputation: 1348

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I know more what the signs of NO interest are.

WOmen, what are your signs of interest? I don't even mean sex. I mean, subtle hints you drop that you:

- are having a good time
- would like 2 see him again
- are open to sex that night

.................

I had a date last Friday. Dinner, drinks at bar 1, drinks at bar 2, late night snack at a bar/restaurant. But no sex. Conversation went well, but we ended up talking about a few non-relationship topics (the girl was smart and down to Earth and had strong opinions on a few issues).

Over drinks, relationships were talked about too. Great atmosphere. But I felt this woman was nice and I am not the type who screws around. And there was no chemistry of that type. So... no moves were made. I took her home, politely said good night, and thusly ended the evening.
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Old 04-11-2009, 09:49 AM
 
Location: So Cal
24,847 posts, read 18,595,331 times
Reputation: 23362
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
I know more what the signs of NO interest are.

WOmen, what are your signs of interest? I don't even mean sex. I mean, subtle hints you drop that you:

- are having a good time
- would like 2 see him again
- are open to sex that night

.................

I had a date last Friday. Dinner, drinks at bar 1, drinks at bar 2, late night snack at a bar/restaurant. But no sex. Conversation went well, but we ended up talking about a few non-relationship topics (the girl was smart and down to Earth and had strong opinions on a few issues).

Over drinks, relationships were talked about too. Great atmosphere. But I felt this woman was nice and I am not the type who screws around. And there was no chemistry of that type. So... no moves were made. I took her home, politely said good night, and thusly ended the evening.
That in my opinion is the best way to handle it. I'm not even sure you should kiss a woman on the first date.

Every time I had sex with a woman right away, it never turned into a relationship.

When I say right away, I mean like that night.
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Old 04-11-2009, 09:53 AM
 
1,860 posts, read 2,592,122 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
That in my opinion is the best way to handle it. I'm not even sure you should kiss a woman on the first date.

Every time I had sex with a woman right away, it never turned into a relationship.

When I say right away, I mean like that night.
I'll admit that while we were at bar number 1, which was mostly empty, the thought of making a move crossed my mind. The atmosphere was very ... let's just say fitting, and we were sitting at the bar with virtually nobody else there. I frankly don't think she would've pulled away or refused.

But even though I was chugging on alcohol (strong stuff, not beer), I thought it over. Once a move is done, regardless of her response, it can never go back to how it was before. And given all I said in the first post, I thought it wisest not to do anything.
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Old 04-11-2009, 10:10 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
7,611 posts, read 8,782,605 times
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OP, you did just right--if you sensed she's not that kind of girl, she's not, and she wouldn't see you again if you were inappropriate. She might've let you kiss her good night, but you could probably call her back and it sounds like she'd probably see you again. If I were interested in sex with a man (that night) I'd be touching his arm at first then getting bolder as I saw how he's reacting, with lots of eye contact. But I wouldn't be doing this on a first date, b/c I wouldn't want to have sex on a first date--unless there's really an emotional connection, that's just skanky.
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Old 04-11-2009, 10:15 AM
 
3,844 posts, read 8,243,512 times
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1st date - hug
2nd date - hold hands kiss
3rd date - sex

4th date if you don't get sex on the 3rd date: boot to the ass.

It really depends on what you want though. if you want serious bf/gf relationship then you can take it slower to get to know each other more. If you want sex, press for sex on the first date. If you want friends with benefits then press for sex on first date and then try to make her FWB.

Good luck.
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Old 04-11-2009, 10:18 AM
 
1,860 posts, read 2,592,122 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
OP, you did just right--if you sensed she's not that kind of girl, she's not, and she wouldn't see you again if you were inappropriate. She might've let you kiss her good night, but you could probably call her back and it sounds like she'd probably see you again. If I were interested in sex with a man (that night) I'd be touching his arm at first then getting bolder as I saw how he's reacting, with lots of eye contact. But I wouldn't be doing this on a first date, b/c I wouldn't want to have sex on a first date--unless there's really an emotional connection, that's just skanky.
I see. I've been told by other female friends about the arm thing.

I've usually been the initiator of contact... not the arm though. My observation has been that if she does not shy away from light contact, she won't shy away from progressively more intimate contact (even if it doesn't end in sex).
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Old 04-11-2009, 10:19 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
13,011 posts, read 22,156,229 times
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Good sincere eye contact with a smile. Making casual body contact like touching you on the arms and hands. Just check out her body language. And being able to make her laugh is also a sign that she feels relaxed and comfortable around you. If she seems tense and distant, that's not a good sign. Back off a little and see if that helps. Every woman moves at a different relationship pace during those first dates.
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Old 04-11-2009, 10:21 AM
 
1,860 posts, read 2,592,122 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by killer2021 View Post
1st date - hug
2nd date - hold hands kiss
3rd date - sex

4th date if you don't get sex on the 3rd date: boot to the ass.

It really depends on what you want though. if you want serious bf/gf relationship then you can take it slower to get to know each other more. If you want sex, press for sex on the first date. If you want friends with benefits then press for sex on first date and then try to make her FWB.

Good luck.
I do not believe in FWB. I can as a man have sex with a woman and not have feelings involved but over time even men develop emotions. Besides, women usually develop emotions as well.

If anything I'm glad I've never really believed in FWB. There was maybe one girl (who was a little older). She and I were very close friends and one night over drinks we got a bit too comfortable and had some amazing and passionate... kissing. It ended there.

We're still friends, btw, but we don't do this anymore. Too old for it and life circumstances would never allow for it.
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Old 04-11-2009, 10:21 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
13,011 posts, read 22,156,229 times
Reputation: 10203
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
But even though I was chugging on alcohol (strong stuff, not beer), I thought it over. Once a move is done, regardless of her response, it can never go back to how it was before. And given all I said in the first post, I thought it wisest not to do anything.
On the first dates, go easy on the alcohol. Women notice things like how much a guy drinks on the first dates. They might see it as a sign of nervousness or wonder if you have a drinking problem.
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Old 04-11-2009, 10:22 AM
 
1,860 posts, read 2,592,122 times
Reputation: 1348
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Good sincere eye contact with a smile. Making casual body contact like touching you on the arms and hands. Just check out her body language. And being able to make her laugh is also a sign that she feels relaxed and comfortable around you. If she seems tense and distant, that's not a good sign. Back off a little and see if that helps. Every woman moves at a different relationship pace during those first dates.
Hi Miu.

This girl laughed a lot... a LOT. I was doing a lot of joking to establish a relaxed mood, and it worked. But I then noticed it's part of her personality - she just laughs a lot.

Tense and distant is something she was not at all.
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