Marriage questions from a single man (dates, Christian, wives, women)

[Softtail_Honey]

Originally Posted by SilverOne

When you get into an arguement, ask yourself if this is the hill you want to die on. You will lose not matter what, so be sure the reason you are argueing is worth dieing over.

Or, as Dr. Phil would say..............."Are you contributing to this relationship or contaminating it"? My husband ALWAY says contaminating...........

[actonbell]

Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner

To those of you who are now in successful, solid, happy marriages.

1. How, if at all, did you prepare for married life?

2. What advice do you have for singles who want to enjoy a successful marriage?

3. How important has it been in your marriage that you and your spouse have:
- mutual understanding
- communication

When my parents met (1942) and 'fell in love' with one another and my father asked my mother to marry him, she asked him to leave the commitment to the Army of 10 years, because she wouldn't marry a man that may one day show up in a body bag.

My father left the Army, married my mom and they had 28 years of marriage together before he passed in 1982.

On the day he died, she said to me, "he died without forgiving me." I asked, "forgive you for what?" "For making him leave the Army." (my father's first love)

I told her, "he forgave you mom; he married you, as his love for you was greater than his love of the Army", proven forgiveness through the marriage.

1. How, if at all, did you prepare for married life?

My father told me once that the reasons marriages fail is because they forget what a promise is.

Do we forget what a promise is and do we feel that the choices we make that will enhance the life of another a sign we are 'settling'?

From the words of Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting,

"we choose who will let into our little worlds."

As for as my reference to my parents, it is but because I have not known nor ever feel I will ever find a love as great as theirs.

[killer2021]

lol why do you want to get married? There are no guarantees to it anymore and getting a divorce has no social stigma (like it did in the 1950s when your grand parents got married). It is like playing russian roulette but good luck anyways!

[yankeegirl313]

Communication.

[sueprnova]

actonbell, how beautiful...
My dad was mostly done with his service when he met my mom....he'd been married 2x's. My mom was 19 he was 29...they met at some university mixer in 1952. They were married shortly after and my oldest sister was born in 03-54.
They told all of us marry someone who makes you laugh...my grampa said marry someone who understands the real meaning of commitment....
I married an adopted man who lived thru a nasty parental divorce who knew what he DIDNT want..
He picked my dad and grampas brains...and I think he did ok.

I had my values....he had to meld to those...
He didn't have a lot of time to prepare....I went to the doc...doc said pregnant...told him, told my parents....shotgun anyone???

Learn to laugh...and remember that crappy times don't last forever....give your relationship more importance over work, friends and family
be united....talk/listen/engage...have the same goals and dreams....work together to achieve them...don't ever make the kids more important. Someday they will be gone....

Cherish every moment like it may be your last...cause you never know.

[songinthewind7]

Being each others friend is important.
Having separate hobbies as well as doing things together is also important.

[SilverOne]

I have been married for 24 years, on the calendar on our 20th Aniversity I wrote " I would be getting out of prison about now. " The wife asked what? I ansewered You get less of a sentence for murder, I have served 2 life terms about now. She answered with a pine box is the only way you will get out.

[MI-IRISH]

Asked my grandfather before i got married,how to make my marriage successful,i figure he would have some good input since him and grandma were married for 55 years til' she passed away,he told me,"never go to bed angry at each other" So far so good.

[DennyCrane]

Well, even though I'm not nor have I ever been married, I'm going to toss in my two cents. The married folks can correct me if I've got it wrong.

1. How, if at all, did you prepare for married life? I strongly encourage living together first. I know there are people who still frown on that sort of thing. But if you're going to be spending the rest of your lives together, better to know early on if you'll be able to live together without wanting to kill each other. I know many couples who were madly in love and seemed perfect together, but when they shared living space, things fell apart. I'm sure some people say part of the fun of being married is being surprised. But there are some things you're better off knowing in advance.

2. What advice do you have for singles who want to enjoy a successful marriage? Learn to compromise. Obviously, there are certain things you never compromise on, but some people go into marriage (and relationships in general) not wanting to make any adjustments. If you want the marriage to last, you have to make it a priority. It can't be about putting your needs or their needs first. Too many people go into marriage not wanting to change and too many others think they'll be able to change their partners.

3. How important has it been in your marriage that you and your spouse have:
- mutual understanding - Critical. You won't agree on everything, but if you don't even understand your partner, what they want, why they feel the way they do, etc., you'll never make it.
- communication[/quote] - Critical. Too many relationships fail simply because the people involved didn't do a good job stating what they wanted, what they needed, what they were missing, what their partner shouldn't have done, etc. Couples fight, but quite often, nothing is learned from those fights. You have to be willing to share everything on your mind. If you can't trust one another or feel comfortable enough to share everything, then you won't have a very strong relationship.

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner

To those of you who are now in successful, solid, happy marriages.

1. How, if at all, did you prepare for married life?

2. What advice do you have for singles who want to enjoy a successful marriage?

3. How important has it been in your marriage that you and your spouse have:
- mutual understanding
- communication

Take a marriage class together before getting married. If you aren't that far along, there are MANY good books out there on the topic.