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Old 04-13-2009, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,466,787 times
Reputation: 14692

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Quote:
Originally Posted by YBF View Post
This is not always true....knowing someone has cheated in the past doesnt mean that its 1) something that they do often/or that it has/will happened more than once. 2) If you judge a person by their past actions no matter how long ago those actions were you will be really lonely really quick. EVERYBODY HAS DONE SOMETHING THAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED UNACCEPTABLE TO ANOTHER PERSON. Everybody has skeletons in their closet...so ppl souldnt be so quick in casting stones upon others. For me knowing a person cheatedg in the past doenst automatically mean you are a disgrace and should be shunnned from existance. But I would want to find out the circumstances around the affair etc etc...Everthing in life isnt so black and white...a once time instance can be for given but a whole other relationship wont be tolerated......but alot of times the person being cheated on isnt always in the clear either.

BTW I have never cheated on anyone although I have been cheated on
Yeah, but cheating is HUGE. Cheating isn't just a mistake. It's a deliberate behavior and it undermines trust in a relationship.

I'm not shunning them from existence. I'm just not going to have a relationship with them. They're free to go find someone else. I feel very strongly that cheating is something you just don't do. Ranks up there with drug use. I'd kick him to the curb for that too. Both mean that your own pleasure is put before anyone else. That's a personality flaw without a work around.
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Old 04-13-2009, 02:09 PM
YBF
 
Location: Atlanta, Ga
1,260 posts, read 3,353,067 times
Reputation: 586
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Yeah, but cheating is HUGE. Cheating isn't just a mistake. It's a deliberate behavior and it undermines trust in a relationship.

I'm not shunning them from existence. I'm just not going to have a relationship with them. They're free to go find someone else. I feel very strongly that cheating is something you just don't do. Ranks up there with drug use. I'd kick him to the curb for that too. Both mean that your own pleasure is put before anyone else. That's a personality flaw without a work around.
I agree cheating is HUGE and that the person being cheated on is the most hurt by someone elses actions and the Cheater is absolutely wrong...but for me that doesnt mean they cant change. Everybody has a past whether or not they tell you the whole past is up to them and for you to find out. Drug use is pretty bad as well but most ppl have experimented with something once in their life so is the perosn who tried weed once any better or worse than the perosn who does it regularly? I dont think so. I just believe ppl should be given the beneift of the doubt in most instances and for something like cheating unless you are that person being cheated on you really cant say what really happened or why. JMO
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Old 04-13-2009, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Texas
1,226 posts, read 2,794,758 times
Reputation: 686
Speaking candidly once you have made the choice to cheat one time; the choice becomes easier every time after. I do believe one can reform and be faithful forever. I also recognize a failing relationship as an opportunity to cheat again. for me fear of repeating will probably keep me straight.
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Old 04-13-2009, 03:32 PM
 
18,270 posts, read 14,396,687 times
Reputation: 12985
If a man doesnt fear you will leave, he will cheat. (If he's a cheater).
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Old 04-13-2009, 03:58 PM
 
Location: The 719
17,944 posts, read 27,373,653 times
Reputation: 17257
Quote:
Originally Posted by blane2 View Post
I'm interested in finding out what other people think about this situation. Since he's cheated on me before is he likely to cheat on me again? Or, am I just being paranoid.
Paranoid? He's a tornado roaring through your life and a scum bag.

Is he likely to cheat on you again? You're giving him another chance to do so?

Why don't you try this; don't concern yourself with him. Start seeing if you can make him paranoid. Don't show up one night and make him wait. Don't answer your phone. What would he do? Would he worry? Would he be jealous and threaten you? Would he just be indifferent and blow it off?

I'd get away from him and back on your own feet. Either he's some kind of "serial cheater" as I saw mentioned on here, insecure, or psycho.

Oh, or immature. The problem for me was, I didn't start to get over being jilted until I got jilted. Find someone with a bit of maturity and a moral or two. Or maybe just chill and take care of yourself for a while.

I'm sorry for all the preaching! Wow. Here's my advice, I'm not using it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I don't know Is an alcohol abuser different than someone who has an occaisional drink?
Yes!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
One puts their desires first and the other has a drink when appropriate. Yeah, I think there's a difference.
What? You think an alcohol abuser choses to "put their desires first?" And are you implying that the non-alcohol abuser is someone who drinks "appropriately"? I thought the non-alky was just acting normal and not getting drunk. I didn't think they had to reward themselves for doing something appropriately.

"I DRANK 2 AND STOPPED!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!! LET'S PARTY!!!!!!!!!"

For the alcoholic, they really don't have a choice. They drink those first two just as innocently as the non "alcohol abuser" as you put it. Then a craving develops and reason loses out to the "abuse".

Oh, and when the "alcohol abuser" is sober and starting from scratch, they suffer the great obsession that all "alcohol abusers" face; to control and enjoy their drinking.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
It would be like dating an ex drug addict or ex gambler. You know the risk of the problem coming back is there.
Absolutely. I agree totally with this. But since "drug addicts", "gamblers", "horse thieves", "alcoholics", etc., still exist and haven't been "Natural Selectioned" or "Survival of the Fittested" out of society yet, there must be some that "choose" to breed with them. Some consider this "disease" a worse one than the former.

Last edited by McGowdog; 04-13-2009 at 04:37 PM.. Reason: This edition was brought to you by "Smashing middle-of-the-road Misconceptions" one misconception at a time.
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Old 04-13-2009, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,466,787 times
Reputation: 14692
Quote:
Originally Posted by YBF View Post
I agree cheating is HUGE and that the person being cheated on is the most hurt by someone elses actions and the Cheater is absolutely wrong...but for me that doesnt mean they cant change. Everybody has a past whether or not they tell you the whole past is up to them and for you to find out. Drug use is pretty bad as well but most ppl have experimented with something once in their life so is the perosn who tried weed once any better or worse than the perosn who does it regularly? I dont think so. I just believe ppl should be given the beneift of the doubt in most instances and for something like cheating unless you are that person being cheated on you really cant say what really happened or why. JMO
I don't know Is an alcohol abuser different than someone who has an occaisional drink? One puts their desires first and the other has a drink when appropriate. Yeah, I think there's a difference.

I don't think a cheater should be given the benefit of a doubt. By cheating, they prove the relationship they're in means nothing to them. I suppose if someone lost a relationship over cheating, I MIGHT be inclined to think they may have learned a lesson but even that is risky.

It would be like dating an ex drug addict or ex gambler. You know the risk of the problem coming back is there.
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Old 04-13-2009, 04:26 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 54,045,943 times
Reputation: 46669
Here's what I don't understand. When people say about their cheating, "I made a mistake."

Huh? A mistake is a mathematical error on your taxes. It's forgetting to pick up your dry cleaning. It's a typo in an e-mail. Shucking your clothes and climbing into bed with somebody who isn't your spouse doesn't qualify.
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Old 04-13-2009, 04:36 PM
 
18,270 posts, read 14,396,687 times
Reputation: 12985
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Here's what I don't understand. When people say about their cheating, "I made a mistake."

Huh? A mistake is a mathematical error on your taxes. It's forgetting to pick up your dry cleaning. It's a typo in an e-mail. Shucking your clothes and climbing into bed with somebody who isn't your spouse doesn't qualify.
Yeah. Its like in the book "he's just not that into you" by greg behrendt, there's a story of a survey done on guys with the following question: Have you ever accidentally cheated on your SO? All the guys said NO. But they all wanted to know how such an accident could happen .
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Old 04-13-2009, 04:41 PM
YBF
 
Location: Atlanta, Ga
1,260 posts, read 3,353,067 times
Reputation: 586
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I don't know Is an alcohol abuser different than someone who has an occaisional drink? One puts their desires first and the other has a drink when appropriate. Yeah, I think there's a difference .
Not all that much in some ppls eyes. Some ppl think people who drink at all is considered unacceptable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I don't think a cheater should be given the benefit of a doubt. By cheating, they prove the relationship they're in means nothing to them. I suppose if someone lost a relationship over cheating, I MIGHT be inclined to think they may have learned a lesson but even that is risky. .
So even if thats the case (see bolded section) the past relationship may have not been that important to them..but that doesnt mean that the relationships they will have in the future will be the same as the relationships in the past.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
It would be like dating an ex drug addict or ex gambler. You know the risk of the problem coming back is there.

So is there is a risk of getting hit by a car or getting cancer or a person who has never cheated before cheating on you too

I guess we arent talking about the same things...I thought this conversation was about lets say you met someone new and they cheated in a past realtionship...not you are in a relationship and youve been cheated on. But I mean only the person in that relationship can make that judgement because plenty of ppl start off with the "i'd leave them...kick them to the curb" etc etc only to turn out to be the damn fools they try and prove to everyone else they arent. Ive seen this countless times where a person says what they would do only to be tested later on and fail!!!! Miserably..LOL SMH. All Im saying is this people are people. They make mistakes and they are human. You cant put people in a box and expect all of them to fit the mold. Things will happen in relationships...some bad some good...some great!!1 But at the end of the day you cant predict who will hurt you and who wont. Thats the risk you take when you get into a relationship
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Old 04-13-2009, 06:37 PM
 
5 posts, read 15,090 times
Reputation: 10
Default cheaters, liars, creeps, waste of air and space, etc

lets see... i was stupid in thinking that the creep i got involved with would change because of me, like when he was lying to me every evening from the bedroom that he and his wife shared i believed him, when he brought two young children into my home (because the mother was such a witch) i believed him, when he said he was divorced i believed him, when he said he was a good guy i believed him, when he said he was a good employee i believed him, when he said he only liked big dogs (and got 2, then got rid of them) i believed him, when he said he wouldn't lie to me i believed him, when he said he was sorry he was emailing Russian women while sitting next to me on the couch i believed him (yeah, I know ), and get this "it was my fault he lied on an investigation" because i told the truth , i wish i could post the name SSN place of residence for this cheating, lying, creepy, waste of air and space, loser guy.. and yes, i am embarrassed that i let someone like that into my life, and if any of this sounds familiar don't believe him and get the h3ll out
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