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She will be a complete headache until she is fixed with professional help.
Since a couple others have agreed with this, I must cast a dissenting vote. In addition to the two victims to whom I've been married, I've been in a long term romantic relationship with another and in a long, close friendship with a fourth. They've all been among the finest women I've known, even with their demons. They learned to handle it well, and I think that strength is what attracted me to each.
Others don't do so well. My late wife interviewed several victims for her proposed book, and most of them had alcohol and/or drug dependencies, sexual conduct problems (either frigidity or promiscuity), relationship problems, self control and/or self esteem problems, etc., etc.
Indeed there can be long-suffering problems, but to break up with someone because they've been abused? Absolutely not!
That is the thing. All of the people that she was with up to me treated her horribly. And I didn't. I accepted her exactly how she was and expected nothing more from her than for her to be who she was. And it seems like that threw her off. And she ended projected all of these things on me that weren't true. She kept saying I was pushing her away when in hindsight, she was pushing me away. It was like suddenly she got scared that she met someone that she could trust. And instead of accepting it for what it was, she rejected it. Like she felt that she didn't deserve it or something.
She doesn't want to be with anyone. She also carries a lot of pain with her, as well as control freak issues. Let's put it that way.
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Originally Posted by nutterbutter
That is the thing. All of the people that she was with up to me treated her horribly. And I didn't. I accepted her exactly how she was and expected nothing more from her than for her to be who she was. And it seems like that threw her off. And she ended projected all of these things on me that weren't true. She kept saying I was pushing her away when in hindsight, she was pushing me away. It was like suddenly she got scared that she met someone that she could trust. And instead of accepting it for what it was, she rejected it. Like she felt that she didn't deserve it or something.
... I've been treated very poorly by young adult women my whole life, that I suspect had some abuse issues with men, and I find it very hard to understand them, apparently they pick on you and harass the crud out of you when they "like" you. Ugh right.
You suspect they had some abuse issues? You don't even know, yet you....
Good grief, Artsy! Get your facts before you analyze.
That is the thing. All of the people that she was with up to me treated her horribly. And I didn't. I accepted her exactly how she was and expected nothing more from her than for her to be who she was. And it seems like that threw her off. And she ended projected all of these things on me that weren't true. She kept saying I was pushing her away when in hindsight, she was pushing me away. It was like suddenly she got scared that she met someone that she could trust. And instead of accepting it for what it was, she rejected it. Like she felt that she didn't deserve it or something.
That's the low self-esteem issue. It's common with victims of abuse -- sexual, physical, verbal, mental....
I wouldn't say she has control freak issues, but she is kind of self-assertive. During our whole relationship she kept telling me that I had to stand for myself about this and about that. But now it seems like she is really the one that never stood up for herself. She would break up with me and then two weeks later she would come back as if nothing ever happened and it would be the same way it was before. The she would do it again like out of the blue. It's almost like she was trying to use me to relive some event as if she was trying to put something to rest by making me into the person who wronged her in the first place.
You disagree, then agree with me by saying that she made you into the person that wronged her. That is control freak stuff right there buddy.
In normal healthy mature relationships you don't have to put up with too much of that garbage at all. That is like psychological torment....you do not have to experience that.
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Originally Posted by nutterbutter
I wouldn't say she has control freak issues, but she is kind of self-assertive. During our whole relationship she kept telling me that I had to stand for myself about this and about that. But now it seems like she is really the one that never stood up for herself. She would break up with me and then two weeks later she would come back as if nothing ever happened and it would be the same way it was before. The she would do it again like out of the blue. It's almost like she was trying to use me to relive some event as if she was trying to put something to rest by making me into the person who wronged her in the first place.
When confronted the women said they had no issues with me.
No, I wouldn't venture a guess, but to blame it on sexual abuse because you can't explain it? No.
In my experience, victims of childhood sexual abuse tend to be more understanding. I'm sure it can go the other way as well. Different people often react differently to the same stimuli.
Alright, I can blame it on a personality flaw or discrimination then.
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Originally Posted by WyoNewk
No, I wouldn't venture a guess, but to blame it on sexual abuse because you can't explain it? No.
In my experience, victims of childhood sexual abuse tend to be more understanding. I'm sure it can go the other way as well. Different people often react differently to the same stimuli.
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