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Old 04-15-2009, 12:49 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 5,343,717 times
Reputation: 3980

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Quote:
Originally Posted by RavensAngel View Post
I'm a long time lurker of these forums. Not sure why I've finally decided to start posting, besides I'm hoping to get some really great advice here.

I'm 36, single, and no children. Last Oct, I left an abusive 8 year relationship. It was over way before then, but I didn't leave.

I have no baggage. No real drama or anything. But I never expected to have to date again.

I've never had problems with dating in the past, but now I seem to be in limbo.

Guys my age, want to get married and a lot want families. I was told years ago that it would be hard for me to have kids if I ever could. So, this group has a tendency to see me as "defective". I'm also old fashioned and won't make babies with someone who I'm not married to.

Younger guys (25-30) seem to be really attracted to me. Not sure why. But I see them as nothing more than friends. They're a bit immature for my tastes.

I'm attracted to older men 40+. But it's really hard to find any that will take you seriously. I keep getting the "oh your so pretty", "your so beautiful", "look at who I'm with" types that consider me nothing more than arm candy they can brag to their friends about. And just want to add me to their harems, which I don't do.

Any advice? I'm not looking to jump into another serious relationship, but I'd like to start dating men with at least potential.

Jen
I'd say be 100% upfront (straightforward) with what type of relationship/dating/whatever you're looking for, & that would go a long way in "weeding out" those who are looking for something different
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Old 04-15-2009, 12:49 PM
 
Location: pittsburgh
911 posts, read 2,371,306 times
Reputation: 411
Quote:
You are going to the wrong bars lol.
well all the bars around me are either dance clubs with 20 somthings
or local dives with 3 old men or a couple bar hags
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Old 04-15-2009, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Florida
14,729 posts, read 9,679,171 times
Reputation: 11852
Quote:
Originally Posted by RavensAngel View Post
I'm a long time lurker of these forums. Not sure why I've finally decided to start posting, besides I'm hoping to get some really great advice here.

I'm 36, single, and no children. Last Oct, I left an abusive 8 year relationship. It was over way before then, but I didn't leave.

I have no baggage. No real drama or anything. But I never expected to have to date again.

I've never had problems with dating in the past, but now I seem to be in limbo.

Guys my age, want to get married and a lot want families. I was told years ago that it would be hard for me to have kids if I ever could. So, this group has a tendency to see me as "defective". I'm also old fashioned and won't make babies with someone who I'm not married to.

Younger guys (25-30) seem to be really attracted to me. Not sure why. But I see them as nothing more than friends. They're a bit immature for my tastes.

I'm attracted to older men 40+. But it's really hard to find any that will take you seriously. I keep getting the "oh your so pretty", "your so beautiful", "look at who I'm with" types that consider me nothing more than arm candy they can brag to their friends about. And just want to add me to their harems, which I don't do.

Any advice? I'm not looking to jump into another serious relationship, but I'd like to start dating men with at least potential.

Jen

Have you tried a Church?

Church does not guarantee perfect men, but at least there are moral guidelines that fit the ''old fashioned" gal a bit better... and by the way, good for you! Many singles now meet by dating "communally" meaning they go out as a group. For instance at our church Friday has singles night for 25-45 singles, they do pot luck dinner and mingle. It's easy, non threatening and no lounge lizards.

Blessings.... Dave
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,893 posts, read 14,112,659 times
Reputation: 2329
Quote:
Originally Posted by RavensAngel View Post
I'm a long time lurker of these forums. Not sure why I've finally decided to start posting, besides I'm hoping to get some really great advice here.

I'm 36, single, and no children. Last Oct, I left an abusive 8 year relationship. It was over way before then, but I didn't leave.

I got divorced back in October 2000 and ended up in an 8 year relationship with a crack addict....so I know that feeling....I didn't leave because I was "in love"....oh so very wrong....

I have no baggage. No real drama or anything. But I never expected to have to date again.
Totally with you there & after we finally broke up in October of 2007; I didn't even look to date anyone...

I've never had problems with dating in the past, but now I seem to be in limbo.
Last April, I ended up seeing my current boyfriend, who'll be 25 in June. I was not looking for anything serious at all. Now, a year later, we're coming up on the anniversary & we're very happy together.

Guys my age, want to get married and a lot want families. I was told years ago that it would be hard for me to have kids if I ever could. So, this group has a tendency to see me as "defective". I'm also old fashioned and won't make babies with someone who I'm not married to.
You can always adopt if you find someone you want to be with the rest of your life.

Younger guys (25-30) seem to be really attracted to me. Not sure why. But I see them as nothing more than friends. They're a bit immature for my tastes.
Give 'em a chance, I was actually quite surprised...

I'm attracted to older men 40+. But it's really hard to find any that will take you seriously. I keep getting the "oh your so pretty", "your so beautiful", "look at who I'm with" types that consider me nothing more than arm candy they can brag to their friends about. And just want to add me to their harems, which I don't do.
[color="Magenta"]I'm 47 (see my album). Not wanting to hurt feelings but I haven't found any men in my own age group to date. I'm not looking to get married, I already have two fabulous teenage sons and seriously, am very happy with myself...when you have happiness inside, you automatically attract good people/things...you need to get to that spot.[COLOR]
Any advice? I'm not looking to jump into another serious relationship, but I'd like to start dating men with at least potential.

Jen
Join a group/club/church/temple where you are & friends & activities will follow.

Put yourself within the range of like minded people.
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:14 PM
 
Location: Indiana
6 posts, read 14,257 times
Reputation: 45
Let me clarify.

"Making babies" in my area, means literally that, sex where the outcome is a child. It's a normal thing around here, "Sweetie, I don't want to marry you, but let's have a baby". Which usually doesn't work out. If you wanna be my baby daddy, you have to commit first (especially since it would be hard for me).

I'm all for sex out of wedlock, especially since my hormones are in overdrive.

I'm just looking for respect, friendship, and fun. And maybe the potential of a serious relationship after a while if that's where things go.

I'm not looking to be a notch on a bedpost. Or one of 20 women some guy is sleeping with in a week.

Don't people talk to each other and get to know each other any more without the end of night outcome needing to be sex?

And I definitely don't want a guy that sits in the bars 6 nights a week. Or someone who spends as much time on his Xbox as he does at work every week.

Actually, I have a profile on POF. It's been ok. I get the "ooooh, your so pretty" emails there a lot, but they don't want to email back and forth at all. Then I get the "let me take you out" ones, which I don't mind. But I try to email back and forth with them to see if there's a reason to go out and they don't want to get to know me at all.

Maybe I'm just really bad at this.
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:20 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,289 posts, read 87,253,323 times
Reputation: 55556
bad news older guys are very cagey, at that point in life they got a whole lot figured out which makes them not near as much fun.
young cute and vulnerable with money is usually preferred look for one. dating younger than yourself will also make you feel young.
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Old 04-15-2009, 02:23 PM
 
78,013 posts, read 60,221,209 times
Reputation: 49404
Quote:
Originally Posted by RavensAngel View Post
Let me clarify.

"Making babies" in my area, means literally that, sex where the outcome is a child. It's a normal thing around here, "Sweetie, I don't want to marry you, but let's have a baby". Which usually doesn't work out. If you wanna be my baby daddy, you have to commit first (especially since it would be hard for me).

I'm all for sex out of wedlock, especially since my hormones are in overdrive.

I'm just looking for respect, friendship, and fun. And maybe the potential of a serious relationship after a while if that's where things go.

I'm not looking to be a notch on a bedpost. Or one of 20 women some guy is sleeping with in a week.

Don't people talk to each other and get to know each other any more without the end of night outcome needing to be sex?

And I definitely don't want a guy that sits in the bars 6 nights a week. Or someone who spends as much time on his Xbox as he does at work every week.

Actually, I have a profile on POF. It's been ok. I get the "ooooh, your so pretty" emails there a lot, but they don't want to email back and forth at all. Then I get the "let me take you out" ones, which I don't mind. But I try to email back and forth with them to see if there's a reason to go out and they don't want to get to know me at all.

Maybe I'm just really bad at this.
Keep plugging on POF...it's a bit hit or miss with a lot of guys on there just trying to score.

Have someone (a guy friend might be best) check over your POF profile
and give you feedback.

Lastly, you sound like the typical POF gal that sits back and lets guys come to them. Yeah, its great if you are pretty because you gets lots of mails (many which are low-quality) Consider DOING some contacting if you haven't.

I'm just saying that the girls that sit back and wait to be contacted are missing some of the (better?) guys that put their profiles up and are snatched up within a week or so.
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Old 04-15-2009, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,639 posts, read 40,975,404 times
Reputation: 13467
Watch out for the old guys. You don't want to wind up with some old geezer who treats you like you're his daughter - or worse - his granddaughter!!! Been there, done that - am there now!!!
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Old 04-15-2009, 06:24 PM
 
14,727 posts, read 33,307,651 times
Reputation: 8949
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
bad news older guys are very cagey, at that point in life they got a whole lot figured out which makes them not near as much fun.
This is great. That's right. Once past 40, either on your own or through osmosis (vicarious experiences), we really WAKE UP!
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Old 04-15-2009, 07:09 PM
 
37,494 posts, read 45,798,776 times
Reputation: 56996
Quote:
Originally Posted by killer2021 View Post
YGuys in those age ranges date older women because older women tend to be EASIER and a lot less picky about the men they sleep with.

Now THAT is funny!!
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