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Old 04-15-2009, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Indiana
6 posts, read 14,226 times
Reputation: 45

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I'm a long time lurker of these forums. Not sure why I've finally decided to start posting, besides I'm hoping to get some really great advice here.

I'm 36, single, and no children. Last Oct, I left an abusive 8 year relationship. It was over way before then, but I didn't leave.

I have no baggage. No real drama or anything. But I never expected to have to date again.

I've never had problems with dating in the past, but now I seem to be in limbo.

Guys my age, want to get married and a lot want families. I was told years ago that it would be hard for me to have kids if I ever could. So, this group has a tendency to see me as "defective". I'm also old fashioned and won't make babies with someone who I'm not married to.

Younger guys (25-30) seem to be really attracted to me. Not sure why. But I see them as nothing more than friends. They're a bit immature for my tastes.

I'm attracted to older men 40+. But it's really hard to find any that will take you seriously. I keep getting the "oh your so pretty", "your so beautiful", "look at who I'm with" types that consider me nothing more than arm candy they can brag to their friends about. And just want to add me to their harems, which I don't do.

Any advice? I'm not looking to jump into another serious relationship, but I'd like to start dating men with at least potential.

Jen
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:15 PM
 
1,570 posts, read 2,058,865 times
Reputation: 461
There are males who may be younger than you but are most likely more mature than the males you are interested in. Most older males who are really mature remain faithful to their wifes and family. You have no chance with them. You are just going to have to go with the younger guys and make the right choice, but since you did stay in an abusive relationship for 8yrs.....
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:19 PM
 
Location: The REAL WORLD.
21,274 posts, read 6,328,301 times
Reputation: 9440
I was fortunate. I had a female friend who knew my situation and helped me get back into the dating scene again. If you have any male friends, maybe they can help you.
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Indiana
6 posts, read 14,226 times
Reputation: 45
I guess it doesn't help that I moved to a completely new area where I know no one except family (yes, I really am starting my life over). So everyone that I do meet is under 30.

Last edited by RavensAngel; 04-15-2009 at 01:24 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:32 PM
 
77,771 posts, read 59,915,458 times
Reputation: 49159
Quote:
Originally Posted by RavensAngel View Post
I'm a long time lurker of these forums. Not sure why I've finally decided to start posting, besides I'm hoping to get some really great advice here.

I'm 36, single, and no children. Last Oct, I left an abusive 8 year relationship. It was over way before then, but I didn't leave.

I have no baggage. No real drama or anything. But I never expected to have to date again.

I've never had problems with dating in the past, but now I seem to be in limbo.

Guys my age, want to get married and a lot want families. I was told years ago that it would be hard for me to have kids if I ever could. So, this group has a tendency to see me as "defective". I'm also old fashioned and won't make babies with someone who I'm not married to.

Younger guys (25-30) seem to be really attracted to me. Not sure why. But I see them as nothing more than friends. They're a bit immature for my tastes.

I'm attracted to older men 40+. But it's really hard to find any that will take you seriously. I keep getting the "oh your so pretty", "your so beautiful", "look at who I'm with" types that consider me nothing more than arm candy they can brag to their friends about. And just want to add me to their harems, which I don't do.

Any advice? I'm not looking to jump into another serious relationship, but I'd like to start dating men with at least potential.

Jen
Look for guys in their 30s' and early 40's that don't want kids. Age and desire to have kids are two key fields that you can run searches on. Check out plentyoffish.com, I've used it and it seems decent. I'm 39 and done with the whole kids thing and think that you will find other guys with my attitude if you get out and look around.

Frankly, seeing has you won't have sex out of wedlock...that will be a bigger issue with guys than not being able to have kids. (Especially since none of us are virgins anymore in our late 30's) Sounds like you are quite religious? Have you considered looking at a church-dating type set-up?
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:35 PM
 
Location: pittsburgh
911 posts, read 2,367,991 times
Reputation: 411
its hard to find a date in this age group
all the people from 30 to 40 are married or divorced with a bunch of kids
or a bunch of emotional baggage that causes them to be un-dateable

all the bars are a bunch of 20 somthing year olds

i am having the same problem
im 34, decent looking,no kids,job,car,own place bla bla bla
and got no luck
only bar hags and users i have found
or people that dont want to get into a relationship
or 50 year old ladys looking for....
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:37 PM
 
240 posts, read 1,286,989 times
Reputation: 245
I think you will meet the right guy. Just be patient and open to meeting new guys. You never know you may meet a younger guy who is mature and will treat you well. I wish you the best.
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:37 PM
 
Location: pittsburgh
911 posts, read 2,367,991 times
Reputation: 411
plentyoffish.com sucks
i went on there for a while and got nothing
not to mention its the same 20 people on there all the time
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:42 PM
 
3,852 posts, read 12,833,708 times
Reputation: 2529
Well, I think one of the major things you need to realize is that just because guys say they want kids doesn't necessarily mean they do. Most guys know that 95% of all women want kids, so we just say we want kids eventually so we aren't pushed out of the running. The reality of the matter is that we don't want kids. Here is the reality of things. If you meet a 40-50 year old dude and he has no kids/married chances are HE WON'T EVER HAVE KIDS OR GET MARRIED! Regardless of what he says!

Also just listen to what you are saying. You don't want to date guys your age because they want families. You don't want serious relationship. You don't want to have kids with someone out of marriage (I am assuming that means, you don't want to have sex then). You don't want to date guys who treat you as arm candy...

Quote:
Younger guys (25-30) seem to be really attracted to me. Not sure why.
You are kidding, right? Guys in those age ranges date older women because older women tend to be EASIER and a lot less picky about the men they sleep with. Not to mention that older women have higher sex drives. That is why guys go after older.

Quote:
I'm not looking to jump into another serious relationship, but I'd like to start dating men with at least potential.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN? You don't want a serious relationship but you want guys with, "potential."

If I was you here is what I would do, I would go to some social gathering and meet guys FOR FUN. Throw out the list of 6,000 requirements and just find people who you have fun with. That is the different between a serious relationship and not serious relationship. The not serious relationship you focus on having FUN! I am sure if you do that you will find that there is actually a diverse group of people out there. Most are trash (used and abused) but there are still guys who were on the right track, didn't knock up their girlfriends and so on.

Quote:
all the bars are a bunch of 20 somthing year olds
You are going to the wrong bars lol.
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:46 PM
 
77,771 posts, read 59,915,458 times
Reputation: 49159
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbrian12 View Post
plentyoffish.com sucks
i went on there for a while and got nothing
not to mention its the same 20 people on there all the time
In my area it's fine, but again...I'm probably looking for older women than you and Im also looking for someone at a different stage in thier life. I've met several quality women via POF and I view them having kids as a plus since I do too.
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