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Single men obviously "deserve better" than the rest.
*Shrug*. If your spouse is a cold and lonely mattress, then that's what you deserve. If you are happy being single, good for you -- except that when you start advocating for your lifestyle, that suggests a need for validation. As the Bard said, "the lady doth protest too much" (the "lady" in our case actually being a gentleman). Anyway, the noble almond-tree does not cross with the humble camelthorn. You have no cause to whine about how women who are way out of your league aren't interested in you. Marry someone at your own level, or not at all.
Yes, I have a kid. And, incidentally, this is also the way I and my sister were raised. And most of my high school and college friends. If you are a culturally sophisticated family, you'll have cultured kids.
I hope you're right. The 15-year-old is only peripherally in my life.
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Incidentally, however, this is a system where most women work outside the home and bring in income -- a substantial minority of them earning more than their husbands. So your "theory" is completely contradicted by objective reality.
As I said, this may not matter if the woman is doing most of the consuming, or pressuring for that. If the woman makes 50% of the household income and does 80% of the spending or demands a far larger house than needed, she's contributing less than half.
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Women's work is work performed by women. Like, if a man is a doctor, you believe it counts. When a woman is a doctor, you believe it doesn't.
You have a serious problem with men, shown by all these assumptions. No, I don't think a woman doctor doesn't count. Both mine and my son's doctor are women, and I chose both.
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You mean, when you took care of your son, you DIDN'T do everything else around the house?
If only I had said or implied that, but no, you're assuming again.
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Did you stay home for a year, or did you babysit a day here and a day there over an 18-year period? For how long at a time did you have a 24/7 job with no weekends, holidays or vacations? Because, I'm not sure you are aware of this, infants have to be changed and fed every 3 hours, including at night, and all other housework must be done during the infant's naps. When I stayed home with my kid, I had a total of about 2.5 hours of sleep per 24-hour period. That works out to over 150 hours per week. What job do you have and how many hours do you work to make a 150-hour gig seem like "a vacation by comparison"?
I've done nighttime feedings (once breastfeeding was done of course, after a few weeks). Hundreds of feedings, hundreds of diaper changes, playgrounds, playdates (I'm usually the host), chaperoning field trips, the whole 9 yards. Full care, as I said, 24/7, for a total of more than a year, sometimes months at a time. And yes, all the housework, yardwork, and doctor/dentist appt's too. I got more than 2.5 hours of sleep, why wouldn't I if the baby's not colicky or whatever? After he was fed at night he usually went back to sleep, and so did I. Infants sleep a lot, so there's a lot of time for other stuff. Even when I'm working for a boss I still do most of his care, including most meals, doctor/dentist appt's, buy clothes, chaperone field trips, etc. (And happy to do it, BTW.) I'm picking up my son from school soon and I'll have him the weekend by myself, doing everything, this after having him 4 nights this week. It was harder in the beginning but it's always been like a vacation in comparison to working for a boss.
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Perhaps he's the one who leaves her no choice. "Yeah, hon, I want 3 square meals per day, but don't spend more than $50 per week on food, we can't afford it."
No, more like she wants an oversized house. He has his toys too, he's not blameless, but the house is the lion's share of their spending beyond their means. This is the finest American wife I've seen, mind you--I think highly of her. He doesn't have to ask for 3 square meals a day; she insists on it.
My wife and I are raising what appears to be a very non-materialistic daughter. She plays two instruments well beyond her years. At twelve she has been tested to read and write at a college freshman level, she works part time and buys a lot of her own "things", I could go on, but I won't ....
My point here is to say that even at that, it is a constant struggle to keep her on the right path. I think my wife and I are probably more conscious of the pitfalls teenagers face in America today than the average parents, and we address those issues diligently, but always lovingly, and I just want to say that it is hard!
Your daughter's self esteem is rooted in accomplishment because of the instruments she plays. She doesn't need to seek approval from others.
As I said, this may not matter if the woman is doing most of the consuming, or pressuring for that. If the woman makes 50% of the household income and does 80% of the spending or demands a far larger house than needed, she's contributing less than half.
I really don't see where you'd get the information on who consumes what in a family that you are not a part of.
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Originally Posted by Heiwos
You have a serious problem with men, shown by all these assumptions.
I don't have any problem with men. I have a serious problem with misogynists. Also anti-semites, racists, etc. You, on the other hand, have serious issues with the female sex.
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Originally Posted by Heiwos
I've done nighttime feedings (once breastfeeding was done of course, after a few weeks). Hundreds of feedings, hundreds of diaper changes, playgrounds, playdates (I'm usually the host), chaperoning field trips, the whole 9 yards. Full care, as I said, 24/7, for a total of more than a year, sometimes months at a time. And yes, all the housework, yardwork, and doctor/dentist appt's too. I got more than 2.5 hours of sleep, why wouldn't I if the baby's not colicky or whatever? After he was fed he usually went back to sleep, and so did I. Even when I'm working for a boss I still do most of his care, including most meals, doctor/dentist appt's, chaperone field trips, etc. (And happy to do it, BTW.) I'm picking up my son from school soon and I'll have him the whole weekend by myself, doing everything. It was harder in the beginning but it's always been like a vacation in comparison to working for a boss.
So your bitterness and hatred of women is based on your personal experience. As suspected. Get over it, no one has a charmed life. (Plus, your statement is inherently contradictory.)
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Originally Posted by Heiwos
I got more than 2.5 hours of sleep, why wouldn't I if the baby's not colicky or whatever? After he was fed he usually went back to sleep, and so did I.
I got only 2.5 hours of sleep because in addition to child care I had to (1) work part-time from home to supplement our income; (2) do everyone's laundry; (3) do all the cleaning; (4) take care of all the household paperwork, insurance claims, litigation, etc.; (5) cook for the baby and the husband); (6) shop for food and household necessities (I guess since I was the one at the check-out, I guess I was the one "consuming" what I actually bought for my husband; (7) take care of all the doctors' appointments; and (8) entertain my husband when he got home. I was lucky to get 2.5 hours of sleep.
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Originally Posted by Heiwos
No, more like she wants an oversized house. He has his toys too, he's not blameless, but the house is the lion's share of their spending beyond their means.
Whatever. It's his house too. It's like which dollar to spend on which item. Another way to look at it is that they live beyond their means because he has his toys exclusive to himself. Why is wanting a big house more reprehensible than wanting a Bentley?
Your daughter's self esteem is rooted in accomplishment because of the instruments she plays. She doesn't need to seek approval from others.
Thank you, one of them is the piano, by the way. More than ever kids need something in their lives to make them feel good about themselves. We didn't care what it was, but it was going to be something, besides school. We are all our own harshest critics at least in the subconscious, and unless we have good reason to respect ourselves, we don't. I don't think that ever changes.
Well I've got bridezilla on my hands with my sister right now. Several times a week there is a new demand for something from the family and the wedding is six months away. The latest she wants my mom and sister after the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding to make hundreds of cupcakes and the associated icing! Yeah my mom is going to be up at 3 AM before wedding day cranking out hundreds of cupcakes. Not. In addition my dad got hit up with a demand to have yet another catered dinner two nights before the wedding.
Right now there is going to be two wedding showers on the east and west coasts, several bridezilla(bachelorette!) trips to NYC and Aspen or SF and then before the wedding a weeks worth of huge parties and events at the ski resort we are doing this wedding at. Then the honeymoon which is a three week extravaganza down under staying at $1000 a night resorts.
Now keep in mind the grooms parents are upper middle class at best and my parents are upper middle class and definitely not rich or wealthy. The bridezilla and groom both had good paying jobs for their age but spend much of what they earn.
What irks me about all this is the focus is on all the extensive parties and trips and gifts and dinners and events and not about two people starting their life together. Something is missing in this whole deal and it's all ass backwards. I don't think we need all that crap and it takes away from why we are there to begin with.
It is ridiculous, right? And would seem to take away from the joy of the event. I gotta wonder how much of this phenomenon is just old fashioned one-ups-man-ship. Not even knowingly, but just how high is high? Then of course you become prey for the merchants that live for this kind of thing. It becomes a very selfish unattractive thing, doesn't it? Not to mention an all around pain in the ass for everybody that has to dance to that frenetic tune.
Really? And here I naively thought that men are 100% logical, cold, mechanical rationality machines, exercising steely control over their emotions without a moment's weakness and completely impervious to anything that cannot be justified on strictly utilitarian grounds. And, most men are "stupid"? Surely you jest.
In other words, by your account, men stay "intoxicated" for months and years, but only until difficulties arise (as they invariably do, in life) -- at which point, there is suddenly a "comedown" and it's "evil women this", "evil women that", "evil women amuse themselves by drowning innocent cute-looking puppies" and "most teenage girls have sex with Satan, OMG!" How flippant. How mercurial. How ... girly?
Thank you, one of them is the piano, by the way. More than ever kids need something in their lives to make them feel good about themselves. We didn't care what it was, but it was going to be something, besides school. We are all our own harshest critics at least in the subconscious, and unless we have good reason to respect ourselves, we don't. I don't think that ever changes.
I agree, wholeheartedly. My daughter who plays the piano has no issues with self esteem. My daugther who has yet to find her niche struggles. I could see her turning into a bridezilla. We're hoping sports is her thing. She's 13 years old and already 5'10" and the basketball coach has his eye on her. I've got my fingers crossed. If she finds something she's good at and knows it, she won't need others to tell her what she's worth.
IMO, that's what all this bridezilla behavior is. Approval seeking. It's look at me, I'm special, I'm the bride. One huge problem here is that after the wedding, she has to become a wife and that's not celebrated in our society. Many go on to be the pregnant princess after being the bridezilla only to find their adoring crowd goes away after the baby is born. Then reality sets in and many marriages don't make it.
When you seek your value outside of yourself, you're in trouble. Value needs to come from within.
We have lost something in that children are no longer vital members of a household. They're now catered to. Instead of finding their value in what they can do for their families, they find it in praise of others. They feel a need to keep doing things to get that praise. They're praise junkies. That's why we have bridezillas. We need to help our children find purpose in life to avoid thes traps.
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