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Old 04-15-2009, 08:43 PM
 
9,912 posts, read 13,873,770 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by teatime View Post
It's really no different from deciding to date someone in your circle of friends. If it ends, you have to move on.

I once dated a man I worked with and who was in my circle of friends. We were GREAT friends before our relationship turned sexual. That part didn't work out but we remained friends and, years later, I went to his wedding. Yeah, it was a tiny bit awkward at first but we moved beyond it and I had no problems or drama at all later with the woman who would become his wife.
Exactly! If people are respectful of each other and honour the friendship it can have a very successful outcome.

I've known people who have been involved in FWB relationships that are better and more considerate relationships than some marriages.
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Old 04-15-2009, 08:50 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,064 posts, read 17,969,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
I agree. FWB is a bad idea from the get go. It's greedy and poor relationship practice. The real thing doesn't hurt. Those greedy and selfish relationships like FWB do.
Heh, I know more MARRIAGES that are greedy and selfish than FWBs are. A whole lot of spouses out there see the marriage license as proof of ownership and they treat their "purchases" terribly. Just go to the mall and note the hang dog expressions on many of the husbands' faces!
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Old 04-15-2009, 08:52 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,853,425 times
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Oh yes I have seen that, however, those are probably abusive marriages.
A real good relationship will not make you feel bad inside or trapped.

Quote:
Originally Posted by teatime View Post
Heh, I know more MARRIAGES that are greedy and selfish than FWBs are. A whole lot of spouses out there see the marriage license as proof of ownership and they treat their "purchases" terribly. Just go to the mall and note the hang dog expressions on many of the husbands' faces!
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Old 04-15-2009, 08:59 PM
 
Location: Earth.
179 posts, read 609,786 times
Reputation: 144
I feel for you!

I say just go for it and tell her how you feel. Most girls (and this is coming from a girl) don't enter into somewhat long term sexual relationships with guys that they don't like. I mean, what have you got to lose? Yes, if she in turn does not feel the same way then your potential friendship will be jeopardized by awkwardness but well... that's kind of already there.

You don't want to sit around wondering how she feels. That's putting yourself in misery. At the very least, get a resolution. You may not like it but at least you'll have an answer.

Good luck!
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Old 04-15-2009, 09:22 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 15,083,979 times
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Did it ever occur to you that she didn't think that you were serious? You were so busy enjoying the no-strings sex that you didn't take the time to consider that maybe she was developing feelings for you. Since showed her no reason to believe that there would ever be anything more than "just sex" she found someone who would give her exactly what she needed: a real relationship.

Consider this a hard lesson learned and the next time you want casual sex, don't prolong it over time. And if you develop feelings for a woman: tell her.
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Old 04-15-2009, 09:59 PM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,412 posts, read 7,163,442 times
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All these folks bashing FWB are wrong. FWB can be fulfilling to both parties involved. May not work for everyone (especially prudes) but it does for lots and lots of people.

Yes, Barrister85, you let your feelings get ahead of things. But you're obviously not devastated and you surely had lots of good times to look back upon. And, sorry, you probably can't go back to the way things were before you became boink buddies. It just doesn't work that way for most folks.

Yeah, your feelings got hurt, but that's life. If you're like most FWB folks, that hurt is worth the pleasure and fun you had with her, and I suspect you would do it all over again if you could. Wish her well in her new thing and move on.
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Old 04-15-2009, 10:11 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,853,425 times
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lol I can't believe a professor is saying this. Oh wait, professor's usually have "college" mentality.

Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator View Post
All these folks bashing FWB are wrong. FWB can be fulfilling to both parties involved. May not work for everyone (especially prudes) but it does for lots and lots of people.

Yes, Barrister85, you let your feelings get ahead of things. But you're obviously not devastated and you surely had lots of good times to look back upon. And, sorry, you probably can't go back to the way things were before you became boink buddies. It just doesn't work that way for most folks.

Yeah, your feelings got hurt, but that's life. If you're like most FWB folks, that hurt is worth the pleasure and fun you had with her, and I suspect you would do it all over again if you could. Wish her well in her new thing and move on.
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Old 04-15-2009, 10:31 PM
 
9,912 posts, read 13,873,770 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator View Post
All these folks bashing FWB are wrong. FWB can be fulfilling to both parties involved. May not work for everyone (especially prudes) but it does for lots and lots of people.

Yes, Barrister85, you let your feelings get ahead of things. But you're obviously not devastated and you surely had lots of good times to look back upon. And, sorry, you probably can't go back to the way things were before you became boink buddies. It just doesn't work that way for most folks.

Yeah, your feelings got hurt, but that's life. If you're like most FWB folks, that hurt is worth the pleasure and fun you had with her, and I suspect you would do it all over again if you could. Wish her well in her new thing and move on.
Maybe it's just wrong for them? Not everyone can negotiate FWB successfully.

Otherwise, well said professor and I completely agree with you.
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Old 04-15-2009, 10:55 PM
 
Location: mass
2,905 posts, read 7,334,813 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator View Post
All these folks bashing FWB are wrong. FWB can be fulfilling to both parties involved. May not work for everyone (especially prudes) but it does for lots and lots of people.

Yes, Barrister85, you let your feelings get ahead of things. But you're obviously not devastated and you surely had lots of good times to look back upon. And, sorry, you probably can't go back to the way things were before you became boink buddies. It just doesn't work that way for most folks.

Yeah, your feelings got hurt, but that's life. If you're like most FWB folks, that hurt is worth the pleasure and fun you had with her, and I suspect you would do it all over again if you could. Wish her well in her new thing and move on.
Fulfilling to both partners during and afterward?

Or just during?
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Old 04-15-2009, 10:55 PM
 
3,852 posts, read 12,842,174 times
Reputation: 2529
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
I agree. FWB is a bad idea from the get go. It's greedy and poor relationship practice. The real thing doesn't hurt. Those greedy and selfish relationships like FWB do.
Spoken like a person who has never had a FWB relationship.

I've had numerous FWB relationships and here is how to make it work. First, don't just get one FWB, get 2-3. When one leaves, you have the others and you have time to fill the position that was left open.

When you only have one you are left with that problem of being left with no one. Since you are in that situation you need to immediately go out and find replacements. Start hitting up the clubs and bars.

Quote:
All these folks bashing FWB are wrong. FWB can be fulfilling to both parties involved. May not work for everyone (especially prudes) but it does for lots and lots of people.

Yes, Barrister85, you let your feelings get ahead of things. But you're obviously not devastated and you surely had lots of good times to look back upon. And, sorry, you probably can't go back to the way things were before you became boink buddies. It just doesn't work that way for most folks.

Yeah, your feelings got hurt, but that's life. If you're like most FWB folks, that hurt is worth the pleasure and fun you had with her, and I suspect you would do it all over again if you could. Wish her well in her new thing and move on.
Yup, exactly the way you handle it. Your first FWBs who leave you will hurt your feelings, don't take it personal. After a while of FWB leaving you won't give a crap anymore about the feelings. Also after a while you need to switch up the FWBs, same thing over and over gets boring! They are actually doing a favor for you by leaving. Trying to break it off with a girl who is starting think of you as boyfriend material isn't easy. Not to mention there is always the possibility of her going psycho on you.

Last edited by killer2021; 04-15-2009 at 11:04 PM..
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