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Do you see sex as something a woman gives and a man takes?
Your question would indicate that you do. Unless you think men are "easy" too, which you don't mention. There are many women with that view, and I think it leads to a pathetic string of failed relationships. And a woman who thinks like that before she marries will think like that after.
I have seen women who wanted a 3 carat diamond ring before she would unzip the "goldmine" she had in her pants. That worked fine when she was in her 30s and 40s and hot. But one day that gold mine became just another hole in the ground.
Not necessarily, I've just always grown up being told that once a guy has sex with a girl, he loses interest. It doesn't help that many of my friends have had lots of "relationships" in which the guy became distant after they quickly had sex.
I don't know! That's why I'm asking the opinion of other people.
FWIW, when I was dating I certainly did NOT think that if a gal was easy that I would not date her. The question was how much fun she was, how well we got along, etc. Hopping in the sack quickly was a bonus, definitely NOT a deal breaker as far as I was concerned. I had friends who thought likewise: a roommate and best friend married a gal he slept with on their first date.
My attitude is that sex is a heckuva lot of fun and there's nothing wrong with consenting adults wanting to do it. I definitely was not, and am not, one to be bashful about sex due to out-dated social conventions or cramped ways of thinking.
But as killer2021 points out, AppleCherry, the (rather common) double standard that you have outlined for giving up the goods provides an incentive for men to treat women poorly. Of course, this double standard is a natural byproduct of the "madonna/wh***" double standard that women face. What a sordid mess...
Maybe I should rephrase what I was trying to say... what I meant to say was that I find it easier to be more forward with a guy that I find physically attractive but don't have a mental connection with versus a guy that fits both categories because I know that if guy #1 never calls me, I won't really care. However, if guy #2 doesn't call me, I take a bigger hit.
It's basically me putting up a little brick wall because I'm scared of getting hurt. Wow... I can't believe I'm admitting that on an internet forum.
I think it's irrelevant. If you give it to us right away and we feel some strong attraction to you other than sexual we will stick around for a reason that you would approve of; if you don't, we will stick around for a while, until we get the feeling that we do not appeal to you or you have some sexual hang up.
If we are not that impressed with you as a person but the sex is good, we'll stick around until we've had our fill; if we're not impressed with you and you don't give it up, or you do but there's no magic in the bedroom we'll be gone before the sun's up.
To your point above about putting a protective wall up Apple Cherry, we can all understand that. But you may be underselling the perceptiveness of guys. Because some guys, the smart ones and the ones with as it turns out, the better intentions, will be offended by your holding back, and they won't be around for long either.
Not necessarily, I've just always grown up being told that once a guy has sex with a girl, he loses interest. It doesn't help that many of my friends have had lots of "relationships" in which the guy became distant after they quickly had sex.
I don't know! That's why I'm asking the opinion of other people.
I don't know how true this is. I'm a guy and I sometimes found out that I had a tendency to feel more "attached" to a women I've been with.
It's basically me putting up a little brick wall because I'm scared of getting hurt. Wow... I can't believe I'm admitting that on an internet forum.
I can see that. But can you see how your actions -- and those of countless women like you -- encourage guys to be jerks and discourage them from being nice guys? ALL guys -- nice guys and jerks -- want sex. Your actions effective reward a guy for being a jerk (they get the cookie they want) and punish a guy for being nice (sorry, nice guy, we all know you want a cookie too...but no cookie for you--you're too nice). Killer2021's analysis was spot on.
Its a matter of age. The younger they are, the more they seemed easy and un-marriable, the older they get they seem like take charge women who know what they like, by forty-five most have married some sixty-five year old rich guy. and you have to know some guys are horrible about passing women's names around
I know that's probably a little weird but I do have logic behind it. If I really like the guy, then I don't want him to use me. If I don't like the guy but I'm physically attracted to him/find him hot, then I do feel a little looser because I know that I can hook up with him without getting attached or dealing with the fear of him using me.
Ahh, I'm writing myself out to be one big mess LOL.
Actually, maybe you are using HIM in this instance.
ExPit: I'm definitely working on expressing interest in guys I'm interested in instead of doing the good old "cold shoulder" method and I am improving... slowly but surely.
Chowhound: I've heard of guys feeling this way too but I've also heard of more guys blatantly not giving a **** about the girl after they had sex with her... of course, this was often a mutual thing between the guy and girl. It varies on the person since we're not all little robots... I've just heard so many different stereotypes before! LOL and there are some guys who get all "stalkerish"... nonstop texting, constant phone calls, and worse of all are the IM's (when you don't respond they freak out lol).
professorsenator: I'm having a little trouble seeing how me saying that I'm not as forward with guys I genuinely like versus guys that I only find hot correlates with what you said. I agree with what you said full heartedly (sad but true) but I just don't see the connection...
AndrewMensch: That's it. And now I feel bad for those guys LOL.
Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
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I would like to know this as well. So far, comments have been interesting. I would imagine that guys feel the same way about easy girls that vice-versa (how girls feel about "easy guys" so to speak) Anyway, I think it depends on the individual...
Guys that I've dealt with have always said that they "respect" how I don't "give it up so easily" (their words not mine...) but at the same time...I wonder if that's how they really feel?
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