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Old 06-25-2009, 08:22 AM
 
Location: In America's Heartland
894 posts, read 974,282 times
Reputation: 1068
It is not a crippling amount of debt. With your income you can knock out the student loan debt quickly and you should. This is an example of why student loan debt is stupid. You should plan, save, or cash flow your way through college, but don't borrow. I agree that the drug addiction is more of a concern, though many drug addicts also carry huge debt.

It is very important that you both open up and go into this relationship without anymore baggage. The number one reason for divorce is money problems and addictions are pretty high on the list as well. I would go slowly and carefully. Good luck.
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Old 06-25-2009, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Some place very cold
5,503 posts, read 13,206,355 times
Reputation: 3887
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathguy33 View Post
Problem is... I do feel kinda burdened by her debt. I'm very debt averse... and combined we barely make $100K now. I guess I just had much higher expectations for myself (as far a earning power and wealth accumulation).
Debt is a burden. You either suck it up and help her pay it off as a married couple, wait a few years to see how she is doing financially, or cut your losses and move on.

At my age, I don't go near someone with money problems. That, alcoholism, and smoking are big turn offs for me. I cannot support anyone.
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Old 11-28-2009, 03:31 PM
 
4 posts, read 11,656 times
Reputation: 13
I really get annoyed at the folks that say that it doesn't matter because if you love someone money is just money. Let it go.

That's not the real world, and yes marriage is a legal binding contract. You will bicker and argue about finances constantly. Consider how you'd feel if you combine your bank account, and she writes a check she doesn't tell you about. It's your birthday and you go to pull money out for the ski trip you planned together and you realize your overdrawn by $900 dollars, most of it overdraft fees. How would you react? With divorce as prevolent as it is, just back away. It's hard enough when your on the same page with someone when it comes to finances. If she cleans her act up that's a different story. She's owning up to her responsibilty. It's a responsiblity issue. Insurance companies charge more for bad credit, lenders charge more interest. Because statiscally people with bad credit have more claims. Think about the correlation and how that branches out. If you think responsibilty just ends with credit, think again.

If you go down the road and it does end in divorce (my advice is not to), it just ends up even more messy because all of her debt accumaleted during the marriage is now yours as well. And trust me the promise of I won't rack up debt and they already have, not realistic. If you do go the route, prenup everything, keep bank accounts seperate, and never make any sort of investments together including a home purchase. Even with all that, she can seize your 401k, investments etc, when it comes to divorce
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Old 11-29-2009, 01:20 AM
 
951 posts, read 937,295 times
Reputation: 612
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yokimo View Post
I really get annoyed at the folks that say that it doesn't matter because if you love someone money is just money. Let it go.

That's not the real world, and yes marriage is a legal binding contract. You will bicker and argue about finances constantly. Consider how you'd feel if you combine your bank account, and she writes a check she doesn't tell you about. It's your birthday and you go to pull money out for the ski trip you planned together and you realize your overdrawn by $900 dollars, most of it overdraft fees. How would you react? With divorce as prevolent as it is, just back away. It's hard enough when your on the same page with someone when it comes to finances. If she cleans her act up that's a different story. She's owning up to her responsibilty. It's a responsiblity issue. Insurance companies charge more for bad credit, lenders charge more interest. Because statiscally people with bad credit have more claims. Think about the correlation and how that branches out. If you think responsibilty just ends with credit, think again.

If you go down the road and it does end in divorce (my advice is not to), it just ends up even more messy because all of her debt accumaleted during the marriage is now yours as well. And trust me the promise of I won't rack up debt and they already have, not realistic. If you do go the route, prenup everything, keep bank accounts seperate, and never make any sort of investments together including a home purchase. Even with all that, she can seize your 401k, investments etc, when it comes to divorce
Its important for men who are older or who are not particularly attractive to women to realize that they need to be aware that very few women will be interested in them for who they are. They must carefully consider what is attracting them (often suddenly after their financial position improves) and don't be taken my what is an act that will likely end not long after he ties the knot. This is the sad state of relationships for most men now days.
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Old 02-10-2010, 02:52 PM
 
40 posts, read 45,020 times
Reputation: 13
Run. You're too young for this emotional baggage.
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Old 02-10-2010, 11:17 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
7,379 posts, read 12,995,145 times
Reputation: 8362
If I was in your position, first of all, I would make for sure and positive she doesn't get pregnant. I wouldn't marry her till the debts were paid. Your GF needs to take control of and manage her own finances.

This will take a few years. That's a good thing. If when it's said and done, I still wanted to marry this person, I would.
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Old 02-11-2010, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
600 posts, read 828,528 times
Reputation: 387
I think it's really up to you - do you want to pay off somebody else's debt? Do you love her THAT much?

I would be more worried about the alcohol and drug issue, even if it's not an issue anymore.

One thing I learned from my past mistakes is: LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH.
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