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I always wanted to date a man with kids. I have an evil stepmother fantasy.
J/K. I love being a mom. I'm very good at it and it's part of my identity (note user name). I actually found it kind of odd in my 30s and 40s that I only met younger, childless men. I really wanted to parent again, but I did not want to give birth (love kids, hate babies, weird I know).
I'm exploring foster parenting and adoption of older children currently....
I have no problem dating guys with kids, and I prefer if they're not all grown yet. I've never had kids of my own and would at least like a shot at being a step-mom. My ex-fiance had two awesome boys and we got along really well.
I know that some people have kids straight from heck and a couple of my friends ended relationships with the father because of the way the kids behaved but for me, as long as the kids are well adjusted, no resentment issues from the divorce and the guy gets along OK with his ex, I'm more than willing to date a single Dad.
I have dated men who's adult sons were the problem. One's, 2 son's would party all night then come crash on their Dad's living room floor. When I went by one day about noon because we had plans for that day and they jumped up screaming in their Dad's face because we woke them up talking. He stood there and allowed it, never called them down, it was HIS house and they were the GUESTS!.. That was the end out our relationship.. I could see the handwritting on the wall with that situation.
Another one's sons were in competetion with who could get the most out of their dad. Evertime they called it was for money and the amounts kept getting larger and larger.. I got tired of the endless hours of phone calls from them trying to plead their case as to why he HAD to give them the money, money he didn't have but would have to borrow. It never stopped! So much for our own plans for OUR future. That one was easy to end too.
However, I have dated a lot of men that had children and never had a problem with them..
I've never wanted kids, so dating a man with kids is not going to happen with me. Especially if he's not divorced but has a baby momma or two. I don't want his kids around and to be second fiddle to them, however I also don't want to come between him and his kids.
pass on it. The ex wife/gf will always be involved in your life and he will always have to take care of the kids. If the kids don't live with him then he will have to pay 25% of his income for the next 18 years. In other words, men with kids most of the time are poor.
I see a lot of posts about women with kids (I guess b/c they usually have custody) but what about dating a man who also has the kid(s) sometimes? - what if the ex and he are on good terms and what if not? Issues ? Please fill me in
Same issues except that usually the woman has custody and in many cases had kids but were never married. Lots of different factors, maybe he has kids he never sees, never visits, never supports? Or he's a father with custody and young kids, tied down? Maybe even looking for a new mother for them? Or the kids have a mom. A good mom? A bad mom? If he's on good terms with his ex, that's a good sign, if he hates and derides her constantly, that's a bad sign.
It matters if a woman dating a man with kids has kids of her own, likes kids, dislikes kids. Age of the kids, compatibility (similarity in parenting) of the kids and so on.
Most of the time it's not a great idea for someone who never had/never wanted kids to date someone with kids. Parenting creates issues that non-parents usually don't understand.
Our youngest daughter married a man who had custody of his then 10 yr old daughter and not even 1 yr old....both different moms...both drug addicts and he was barely a yr clean...now they have their own 1+ YR old...their life is insane with out of the blue phone calls when 1 mom gets out of jail/rehab and wants to see her kid who has no idea who she is...to the other mom who gets pregnant with some guys baby and goes into cardiaC arrest during her pregnancy....because 80% of her heart is damaged....
yeah... nah...I'm good.
I see a lot of posts about women with kids (I guess b/c they usually have custody) but what about dating a man who also has the kid(s) sometimes? - what if the ex and he are on good terms and what if not? Issues ? Please fill me in
I had a very bad experience with an EX and his unruly son. The son's mother was always causing problems in our relationship...well, let me rephrase that..My EX allowed her to cause problems in our relationship because if he REALLY wanted to put his foot down, he could've but he was so afraid of her NOT allowing him to see his son, that he just went along with all of her bullcrap. It was a very strenuous 2 1/2 year relationship having to deal with this, and it has turned me AGAINST dating men with children every since. I'll give a pass to a guy who has OLDER CHILDREN, like I do, but if the child is under the age of 8....DO NOT WANT
If I had passed on my hubby because of his son, I would have missed out on one of the best parts of my life.
The ex tried to cause problems but He AND I wouldn't allow it.
We hashed it out early that I had just as much authority over the disipline than Dad had....Dad's decision, not mine. And he made sure that son knew it.
While I begrudged a few "un-alone" weekends now and again, it's all turned out well.
I get Mother's Day cards to this day.
We don't even use the "step" word unless necessary.
BTW...he was 5 when Dad and I got together. He's 27 now.
I've dated several men with kids and never had any problems.
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