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Old 04-21-2009, 02:42 AM
 
140 posts, read 363,788 times
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So, my divorce is almost over from a 24 year marriage. I have recently discovered that my ex is engaging in some "same sex " activities with strangers he has met on line. I never ever thought him to be gay while we were married. I have an 8yr. old little boy with whom he has 3 days out of the week. Should I be afraid for him! Through this whole seperation I have kept the mentality that I love my little boy way more than I hate my ex and want him to have a father in his life. I just feel so confused and honestly can't believe the words that I am writing. Should I tell my ex that I know? I really don't think my son is in danger, but I feel like my emotions and thought are a bit paralized right now. He is free to do as he pleases because we are weeks away from our divorce being final, but MAN!!!!!
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Old 04-21-2009, 03:03 AM
 
957 posts, read 910,965 times
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Sounds like your soon to be ex is meeting other gays, and there's nothing inherently wrong with that. I'd discuss with him your concern about having your son at his place when he has a new (less than a few months) person there. If he's reasonable and responsible, he should agree with you and assuage your concern. You need not mention the same-sex aspect, since that's irrelevant. You also need not mention that you know anything about his activities.
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Old 04-21-2009, 03:54 AM
 
5,823 posts, read 10,149,308 times
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Did you have some hints in the years before that your former husband had homosexual tendencies or did you discover that out of the blue ?
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Old 04-21-2009, 04:03 AM
 
14 posts, read 10,570 times
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Meeting people on line for sex would bother me. You never know who he's bringing home. I would tell him you know and make it clear that he should be keeping his partners away from your son. Pedophiles have been known to go on line and find people with kids then use them to gain access to the children.
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Old 04-21-2009, 04:11 AM
 
Location: Portland, Maine
4,180 posts, read 13,047,443 times
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Your soon to be ex has your child three days a week. I take that to mean you two are not living together. Yet you recently discovered he was meeting people on line. Just curious as to how you found that information out if he was no longer living with you. Was it gossip? Do you read his email accounts?
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Old 04-21-2009, 05:15 AM
 
Location: James Island, SC
1,628 posts, read 3,161,955 times
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I think how you found out is irrelevant.

On top of the usual concerns about introducing a child to a parent's s.o. too soon, there is also the impact of learning about the father's new lifestyle (for lack of a better word).

When I found out a good friend of mine was gay (I was very naive ) It hit me like a ton of bricks. Not because of the fact that he was gay, but because I suddenly felt like I didn't know him at all. I can't imagine being a child and having the same experience with a parent.
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Old 04-21-2009, 05:36 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,506 posts, read 17,784,763 times
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Wow, what a painful situation. I'm sorry you're going through this, even more so for your son. Whether others think what he's doing is wrong or not is irrelevent. What you're feeling right now is what's important. You need a good support system. I wish I had some good advice. Just wanted to say don't let whether others feel what he's doing is right or wrong become the issue. Best of luck to you and your son.
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Old 04-21-2009, 08:41 AM
 
13,092 posts, read 13,683,396 times
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No your son is not in danger just because his father is dating again

gay people are parents too
your son gets to have a relationship with his dad whether his dad is dating men or women
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Old 04-21-2009, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Texas
8,062 posts, read 16,210,444 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chemistry View Post
Meeting people on line for sex would bother me. You never know who he's bringing home. I would tell him you know and make it clear that he should be keeping his partners away from your son. Pedophiles have been known to go on line and find people with kids then use them to gain access to the children.
I ABSOLUTELY agree with this! I would hope that your ex has enough common sense and decency left to protect your son but if he's meeting up with strangers for sex, then he may not be thinking clearly.

You need to make sure your son is protected from all of this. If there's a way to tighten up the visitation agreement now before the divorce is final, please consider it! (Call your lawyer and see what he/she thinks.)

And how are YOU coping? I previously dated a man whose wife decided (after 14 years of marriage) she was a lesbian so she left him and their three boys to move in with a lady. They were absolutely devastated and went for family counseling. If you haven't done that yet, I'd highly recommend it.
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Old 04-21-2009, 10:49 AM
 
140 posts, read 363,788 times
Reputation: 321
My ex is not "dating" again, he is hooking up with strangers for sex. We have discussed him being molested as a kid and the phychological effects that can have on someone during our marriage but I didn't think he would have the desire to have sex with strange men.

We also have a 20yr. old daughter that has a strained relationship with him. He was just acting a bit shadey or weird (going to a super-bowl party at 9:00p.m. party after he had already been at two during the day) the few times she has been to his house and she was the one who read his emails.

Over the last two years he has been diagnosed whith ADD and anxiety disorder and our therapist thinks that there is a personality disorder in there somewhere as well. He has started drinking (excessive) again and has started going back to AA. He says the drinking is never around our son, but more of a binge drinker when he is alone. I have called when my son has been over there and it doesn't seem like he has been drinking with him there.

Anyways, he has put our family through a lot of pain and confusion especially over the last two years. My heart breaks that my daughter knows this info. about her dad.

On top of all this (divorce etc.) we had to move due to work two years ago and I am totally homesick for my old house and community in which our family was very much involved in.

I feel so numb and isolated in this new community and really can't believe how my "our" family has just fallen apart.

Over the past few years the only stress management that has seemed to help is doing a a class at the gym but over the past couple of days I could hardly get through the class.
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