She doesn't seem to get that it is over. (cheating, husband, family)

[andreaspercheron]

It sounds like you are still living together so, you kind of just have to do what you are doing until that situation changes but I don't know why you are even answering the calls in the first place. If she is still in denial, you even having any kind of conversation with her is just enabling her to keep relying on you for mundane conversation.
On the other hand, since you are living together, and since you have to talk to you - just keep the conversations very short, when she calls if it's not directly related to the kids (and don't tell her this is the only way you will talk to her), but if it's not directly related to the kids, then end the conversation. The more firm you are without being a complete jerk, the sooner she will respond.

[MonaLisaVito]

Originally Posted by andreaspercheron

It sounds like you are still living together so, you kind of just have to do what you are doing until that situation changes but I don't know why you are even answering the calls in the first place. If she is still in denial, you even having any kind of conversation with her is just enabling her to keep relying on you for mundane conversation.
On the other hand, since you are living together, and since you have to talk to you - just keep the conversations very short, when she calls if it's not directly related to the kids (and don't tell her this is the only way you will talk to her), but if it's not directly related to the kids, then end the conversation. The more firm you are without being a complete jerk, the sooner she will respond.

Sounds like great advice

Either that or tell her you have a date tonight

[J double R]

Originally Posted by andreaspercheron

It sounds like you are still living together so, you kind of just have to do what you are doing until that situation changes but I don't know why you are even answering the calls in the first place. If she is still in denial, you even having any kind of conversation with her is just enabling her to keep relying on you for mundane conversation.
On the other hand, since you are living together, and since you have to talk to you - just keep the conversations very short, when she calls if it's not directly related to the kids (and don't tell her this is the only way you will talk to her), but if it's not directly related to the kids, then end the conversation. The more firm you are without being a complete jerk, the sooner she will respond.

Indeed.. this is a similar method to the one i used. Until they left, i moved into the firehouse i volunteered at.. Spent afternoons at home with my daughter, once she was in bed, i left the house for the night. Worked very well.

[2mares]

Is mine the only one that flip flops back and for with the wind?

No. Denial is one of the stages. Enjoy this one next they will be sooooo nice then hang on because anger is next stage.

[Kerowyn]

curious could she be a bit bi-polar or something? I don't know much about this situation but I got to thinking that if she was at the legal seperation hearing and agreed and signed the papers and all without much difficulty. She knows the terms of the seperation normally means that you are still legally married but living seperate lives able to date whom you want and to go where without the other person making demands or controling or even envading the other's life. I take it that this will be the way of things until the divorce comes through.

So if she knows all that and then comes home with you still living there... and just expects life to continue as normal " so what are we doing tonight?" My thought is you might want to have her go through counsiling as part of the agreement as well. Someplace in her brain is something mis-firing.
I say that out of respect and having been there ( to an extent ) myself. in truth it took a balance specialist to find the part of my brain mis-firing. but that is another story intirely.

Have you both tried counsiling? Not to stay together, but to help with the divorce? It wouldn't hurt to check into it. Might help her get through the stages of accepting the divorce and not get stuck in the anger stage as some folks do.

Just another idea.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

Originally Posted by Boneheaded

So most of you already know I am going through a nasty divorce. On friday we will be legally separated. She calls me on the way home.. early BTW, and says "What are we doing tonight?" I told her the kids are showered, home work is done, dinner will be ready when she gets here. After we eat with the boys I am going out so that she can have the house to herself. To be honest I am tired of fighting so I can't be around her.

She gets flipping mad and tells me "What you don't want to spend time with me?" Aaaahhh no. I don't thus the divorce. I swear she is mental. She started sobbing saying she will change she will do therapy. All of this after trying to ruin my business. After all the bitter crap spewed from her mouth.

Is mine the only one that flip flops back and for with the wind?

Is it just denial?

My heart goes out to you, this sounds like a disaster. Whatever her point is, this has got to be hard on everyone but I have to wonder what she is saying to your kids. Its important that the children understand both what is happening but that NONE of it is their fault. Kids have a way of taking on the blame of everything. Its posible she is misleading them about what is going on as much as she seems to be in denial about it.

I don't know your wife or your whole story but she could very well be unable to wrap her mind around it.

I feel for you and your kids. I think its a good thing that you get away from her so she can adjust to being on her own. Some women have NEVER been on their own and don't know how to live that way. This might be what is going on with her. Who knows. It doesn't matter why she is going this, only that it is effecting your life and that of your children.

Just get away from her and remember how hard this is going to be on your kids.

[thebanker]

Originally Posted by IOPbaby

You misunderstood me; I'm simply advocating they not live together. By suggesting he get his own place doesn't mean he necessarily has to move out (his own place can be the house). If need be, she can move out; they just need to live apart. However, if the house is in both names, she may refuse to budge and in that case, he may want to move. He just needs to get away from her, IMO. I don't know if he filed or she filed (I stated I didn't know the details) but if two people are getting a divorce/separation, it's nearly impossible, even on the best of terms, to live together in peace. If he's divorcing her, they'll soon have separate places anyway - so why not do it now? It could save his sanity - plus, this tension could be adversely affecting the children.

ITA. From her standpoint, since you are still living together she loses nothing by trying to make it work although of course that annoys you? And why should she not try to make it work? You are making yourself available to her. Thank God you are a man, otherwise you would soon be crying rape!

[TednGilbertAZ]

Originally Posted by Boneheaded

So most of you already know I am going through a nasty divorce. On friday we will be legally separated. She calls me on the way home.. early BTW, and says "What are we doing tonight?" I told her the kids are showered, home work is done, dinner will be ready when she gets here. After we eat with the boys I am going out so that she can have the house to herself. To be honest I am tired of fighting so I can't be around her.

She gets flipping mad and tells me "What you don't want to spend time with me?" Aaaahhh no. I don't thus the divorce. I swear she is mental. She started sobbing saying she will change she will do therapy. All of this after trying to ruin my business. After all the bitter crap spewed from her mouth.

Is mine the only one that flip flops back and for with the wind?

Is it just denial?

My wife and I had not had sex in two years and when she returned back home after my watching the kids for 7 weeks (as I'm such a horrible father... lol) while she was away on business... upon her return, she suggested us having sex "just for kicks" - lol. This was the exact same day she went and filed a divorce petition to beat ME to the punch... lol - and then, the next day, she had me kicked out and locked up most of my belongings and had an OOP put out against me. My mom later told me after I mentioned that bizarre incident she was trying to trap me into SPOUSAL RAPE... and trust me, she would've done so... that way, she'd get the house, my possessions, the bank account and full custody of all three kids!!! And I'd be in jail!!!

yeah, BH - I can somewhat identify... but trust me, you don't know half of what's in store if you think THIS is a nasty divorce... you've just scratched the surface. Read my post to Zephora... and that was an extremely-abbreviated detailing of a few of the gazillion things that happened... my wife warned me "it would be bloody" - and boy, was she ever right... I have no idea who I married... when I saw her on the stand, I saw an ALIEN.

[Ivorytickler]

She's probably not going to believe it's over as long as you're living under the same roof. Problem is, if you leave, the court could see it as abandonment. So you're stuck until you get a court order for one of you to leave. The assumption being whoever has primary physical custody of the kids will get the house.

Some day she'll come to her senses and realize you did her a favor. Sooner or later, the cheating would rear it's ugly head again and it might be her trying to get out then when she realizes what she signed up for.

Time changes everything. Just focus on where you'll be in a year or two.

[Boneheaded]

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

She's probably not going to believe it's over as long as you're living under the same roof. Problem is, if you leave, the court could see it as abandonment. So you're stuck until you get a court order for one of you to leave. The assumption being whoever has primary physical custody of the kids will get the house.

Some day she'll come to her senses and realize you did her a favor. Sooner or later, the cheating would rear it's ugly head again and it might be her trying to get out then when she realizes what she signed up for.

Time changes everything. Just focus on where you'll be in a year or two.

See if you take out the backhanded insult your post is very helpful. I am not sure if this is how you communicate with everyone but I know it has been the cause of several exchanges between you and me.

Why is it you feel compelled to comment on my situation?

History has shown you and I don't really agree.

Is there a question you have for me or something you want to know?

I really just don't get it.