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Because I was posing these questions in support of the OP.
I was only trying to advocate that people distinguish between true confidence (which is not easy to tell, meeting someone just once or a few times) and appearance of confidence (which is something many insecure people know how to give off, not by being cocky, but knowing how to look sincerely confident, while actually being seriously messed up).
I don't see that too many people have shown interest in this distinction (in various threads, including my "Spock" thread, which was really the same topic). Maybe my spin on this is too difficult (like trying to ask people if they're attracted to health, or appearance of health).
I would be interested in such a thread because I do think the distinction needs to be highlighted. So many people say they look for confidence and so many others project confidence. But if you dig deeper, what you often find is a lack of it. Maybe if more people were better at spotting false confidence, dating wouldn't be full of so many disappointments.
Coming out of today's dysfunctional school system, those with confidence are almost exclusively either the bully/gang member/underachiever/jock/drug dealer types or the rich kids who attract women due to their obvious assets and because their parents can protect them from the worst aspects of modern school "culture".
One obvious thing I noticed about most of my peers - the middle class decent guys I knew at college; non violent, future oriented, net contributors to society - WAS their lack of confidence. Being academically inclined, they were usually from the lower portions of the high school social totem pole and this had already sapping their confidence. They followed this with many more years pursuing an education of uncertain value, racking up major debt and seeing their best years slip away in this pursuit. Certainly not confidence building, especially with members of the opposite sex.
Its no wonder there are so many single women with children. They are attracted to the confidence and easy charm of those lowlifes who escaped their school days relatively intact. This successfully covers up their readily apparent flaws, until they run out on their responsibilities. At that time, I was occasionally bemused by the bravado of these clowns, but young women ate it up.
However, one thing that still gnaws at me is how, in general, the guys I knew, were well aware that their opportunities for a successful marriage and a family were lessened with every year. This was due to the major shift in society that occurred at that time and continues to this day. They were trapped and knew they could expect far less than that of their parent's generation.
That's exactly my problem when trying to talk to girls in high school. They always seem to fall for that exact types you mention and up seeing there was nothing there to begin with. Even though I would say I'm not in the bottom of the social map I'm still not with the Crowd!. Because of the way women my age flock to these types I am much more reserved, waiting to start my college life (Fast Forwarding through my high school days mentally),and meet women who are attracted to good decent cats with a future.
I have tried to make the point in other threads that there is "true confidence" (believing in yourself, being comfortable with who you are, not afraid of truth, etc.), which is an inner thing, and then there are outer qualities (friendliness, salesmanship, showmanship, etc.). IMO, true confidence, being an inner thing, is something you might not be able to tell about a person until you know them well, while the outer things are readily apparent. While the inner/outer are often related, it is also not unusual that they happen separately (e.g., we hear many stories about people skillfully pretending to be a friend or sincere person, but it turns out they're not, and in fact may be pretty messed up inside).
Lumping all these qualities together as "confidence" makes for a meaningless discussion. I'm not sure how to make this distinction. Maybe "inner confidence" vs. "outer confidence"? Or "true confidence" vs. "appearance of confidence"?
In any case, I would like to suggest being specific when answering the OP.
Good post. Salesmanship with something attractive to sell is the definition of "confidence" that is being promoted. Just more of the same old BS.
confident appearance a big thing with women. its not about being highly successful and capable, its about strutting your stuff. the appearance of confidence. women love it when the pony prances but its still a circus show.
I think that confidence is an important trait in both men and women. I think there is nothing sexier than a confident man walking into a room.
I'm a pretty confident person and have often been told I appear confident - likewise, my fiance says he's not terribly confident but you wouldn't know watching him - he is confident but I do think there is a fine line between confident and cocky. There is no greater turn off than an arrogant man or woman.
Almost all women love confidence you might vene heard it as being called swagger. I do not know about anyone else but I do like a confident man...dont get me wrong its not first in my list but it does help but please do not act like you are confident just be yourself, there is someone for everybody.
Because of the way women my age flock to these types I am much more reserved, waiting to start my college life (Fast Forwarding through my high school days mentally),and meet women who are attracted to good decent cats with a future.
Don't do that. Go balls to the wall, make your mistakes now. Go find a girl who isn't "part of the crowd", as you put it.
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