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Old 04-23-2009, 12:46 PM
 
4,838 posts, read 5,019,001 times
Reputation: 2902
Quote:
Originally Posted by steph126 View Post
The problem is, we live in a house that my parents own. Therefore, he's the one that needs to leave. He doesn't have any money - or seemingly the capacity to earn any. I can't afford to "set him up" in a new place and his family won't help him out.

What can I do?
This sounds like a scenario that millions of men have faced in the last 25 years. How did they manage?

Oh, I nearly forgot that they didn't get to keep the kids and live in their house, so now they live in a two room basement suite.

What you have here is an interesting problem, from an equality perspective. You may have to support him, just like he would have to support you if your roles were reversed. This is a problem my sister might face. Having a house husband was convenient, but now that my neice is a teen, he has no role and no prospects. Besides he owes his ex a bundle.

Such men have no national organizations going to bat for them but judges like to set precidents. Only seems fair.

 
Old 04-23-2009, 12:47 PM
 
1,829 posts, read 2,272,894 times
Reputation: 1150
It looks like you might need to play hardball. Give him a date to get out, like 30 days. Then at the end of that time frame, put his stuff out on the porch and change the locks. The good thing is that you two don't own the home, so it's not like you're trying to throw him out of his own house. Don't worry about him being homeless. Worry about the kids and let him worry about himself.

Also, take the above advice and consult a divorce attorney.
 
Old 04-23-2009, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 2,787,652 times
Reputation: 1585
Quote:
Originally Posted by steph126 View Post
My husband and I were together for ten years before we got married last year. We have two children. Our relationship has always been challenging. Most of these challenges resulted from his substance abuse issues and low self-esteem. He has lost job after job. I believe that he is functionally illiterate. Two years ago I finally finished getting my Bachelor's and got a decent paying job. My husband decided to go back to school also at that point. He was doing really well, became really active in the kid's lives and was working and going to school. We set goals and I was so happy that we were working towards them. That's when we decided to get married Well, within four months of our marriage, he dropped out of school. He began drinking excessively again and he is now working about 15-20 hours per week at a restaurant on weeknights. That's it. He's home all day and when I get home the house is a mess. He gives me about $250 dollars per month, but his personal bills exceed $500 per month (of course I pay those as well as all of the other household bills). The problem is, we live in a house that my parents own. Therefore, he's the one that needs to leave. He doesn't have any money - or seemingly the capacity to earn any. I can't afford to "set him up" in a new place and his family won't help him out. What can I do? I want out of this so badly. I've worked too hard to provide my kids with a good life and I'm not even able to do so because I'm supporting this grown man!
If you are serious about divorcing your husband, then you should see an Attorney. There is no way your DH is going to leave the home amicably especially if he is "loaded" most of the time. I don't know if you can serve eviction papers on him so ask the Attorney this first. There has to be a way to get him out and I think it begins with some form of eviction. Once he is out of your home and divorce proceedings have started I don't see why you have to support him or set him up in his own place. things afre way too easy for him right now so why should he work??

My first husband did the same thing. He had a nice business in the small town we lived in. The business caught fire and he lost everything including his sobriety. He also started doing drugs, selling drugs for quick cash and hanging out with the dregs of society. I supported him for most of the 11 years I was with him..I would come home to a messed up house with him passed out drunk on the couch or he would be gone for days drunk. I bailed out...house wasn't worth fighting over and I had had enough. You can't do this because the home belongs to your folks.

Get together with the Attorney, find out what you have to do and if you are serious about this...go forward. It isn't healthy for kids to be in this environment nor is it good for you.
 
Old 04-23-2009, 12:55 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,035 posts, read 8,914,487 times
Reputation: 7880
Filing for divorce would be a good start. When it's over, someone has to leave.
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:07 PM
 
29,756 posts, read 18,081,803 times
Reputation: 14580
Excellent advice so far, so now for a moment of levity....

Liberty Wood Chippers for Rent
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:22 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
20,872 posts, read 18,387,278 times
Reputation: 29219
Quote:
Originally Posted by NotARedneck View Post
This sounds like a scenario that millions of men have faced in the last 25 years. How did they manage?

Oh, I nearly forgot that they didn't get to keep the kids and live in their house, so now they live in a two room basement suite.

What you have here is an interesting problem, from an equality perspective. You may have to support him, just like he would have to support you if your roles were reversed. This is a problem my sister might face. Having a house husband was convenient, but now that my neice is a teen, he has no role and no prospects. Besides he owes his ex a bundle.

Such men have no national organizations going to bat for them but judges like to set precidents. Only seems fair.
I agree with NAR. Your situation sounds pretty commonplace but with genders reversed. You're married to the man ... he has rights. My only guess is that you'll have to undergo a divorce and then get your parents to kick him out, if he doesn't want to go.

I'd advise you to get the man into counseling to address why he is sabotaging his marriage and family, but you sound pretty adamant that you want him gone.
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:29 PM
 
2,133 posts, read 3,731,419 times
Reputation: 1370
I know someone else who is attempting to get her soon-to-be-ex out of her house. And yes, it is HER house. She has a court hearing coming up to get relief. If successful, he will have 30 days to vacate. There is no reason to think she won't be successful. He no longer works, has never contributed to the household expenses or the mortgage, and has developed some very unsavory habits. She has everything documented.

My suggestion would be that you do the same. Make sure you have plenty of documentation to support your statements, get a lawyer, file for divorce and schedule a hearing to get the judge to kick him to the curb.
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:32 PM
 
3,985 posts, read 5,269,864 times
Reputation: 2350
Maybe there are other problems with your husband (like he is messy and lack of purpose) that I don't know of, but in our age of equality of genders , you cannot leave him because you pay for him 500 (his "personal bills" -booze-?-250 (that he earns after all, so he works a little bit, maybe working at a rastaurant is not lofty enough for Ms. Bachelor ?)= 250 measle $. Oh, and he is squatting your old folks home. Bad, bad boy.
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Augusta, Ga
337 posts, read 491,032 times
Reputation: 155
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathguy View Post
Excellent advice so far, so now for a moment of levity....

Liberty Wood Chippers for Rent
Don't forget a large frezer...Works better and its not as messy...

Last edited by Augustabuckeye; 04-23-2009 at 01:36 PM.. Reason: spelling
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:47 PM
 
5 posts, read 95,262 times
Reputation: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by mathguy View Post
excellent advice so far, so now for a moment of levity....

liberty wood chippers for rent



lol! :d
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