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My husband and I were together for ten years before we got married last year. We have two children. Our relationship has always been challenging. Most of these challenges resulted from his substance abuse issues and low self-esteem. He has lost job after job. I believe that he is functionally illiterate. Two years ago I finally finished getting my Bachelor's and got a decent paying job. My husband decided to go back to school also at that point. He was doing really well, became really active in the kid's lives and was working and going to school. We set goals and I was so happy that we were working towards them. That's when we decided to get married.
Well, within four months of our marriage, he dropped out of school. He began drinking excessively again and he is now working about 15-20 hours per week at a restaurant on weeknights. That's it. He's home all day and when I get home the house is a mess.
He gives me about $250 dollars per month, but his personal bills exceed $500 per month (of course I pay those as well as all of the other household bills). The problem is, we live in a house that my parents own. Therefore, he's the one that needs to leave. He doesn't have any money - or seemingly the capacity to earn any. I can't afford to "set him up" in a new place and his family won't help him out.
What can I do? I want out of this so badly. I've worked too hard to provide my kids with a good life and I'm not even able to do so because I'm supporting this grown man!
The million dollar questions is knowing all this why did you marry him? Did you think you could change him?
Steph123
Tell him if the drinking does not stop and he does not better himself with a job so that
he can cover some of the house hold cost that you will Put his stuff out the front door
and change the locks and the marriage will be over. And I have the same question as STAC2007 why did you marry him when you knew he had a substance abuse issue after 10 years of being with this man did you not know he was a loser?
Steph123
Tell him if the drinking does not stop and he does not better himself with a job so that
he can cover some of the house hold cost that you will Put his stuff out the front door
and change the locks and the marriage will be over. And I have the same question as STAC2007 why did you marry him when you knew he had a substance abuse issue after 10 years of being with this man did you not know he was a loser?
There's a lot to it. Obviously, I ask myself the same question all the time. After ten years, I really do care about him a great deal. I've tried over and over to help him get on the right track. He was doing great when we married and I honestly thought he had matured and that together we could work together to build our lives.
Now I'm realizing that I'm the only one working towards securing our future or bettering our lives. I suggested that he take over responsibility for a few of our expenses. One in particular, a monthly payment that goes towards a consolidation loan that he got to pay off his debts. His reply was basically "it just won't get paid then".
We set goals together. We got married. Now I'm the only one working towards these goals. That's the bottom line.
My husband and I were together for ten years before we got married last year. We have two children. Our relationship has always been challenging. Most of these challenges resulted from his substance abuse issues and low self-esteem. He has lost job after job. I believe that he is functionally illiterate. Two years ago I finally finished getting my Bachelor's and got a decent paying job. My husband decided to go back to school also at that point. He was doing really well, became really active in the kid's lives and was working and going to school. We set goals and I was so happy that we were working towards them. That's when we decided to get married.
Well, within four months of our marriage, he dropped out of school. He began drinking excessively again and he is now working about 15-20 hours per week at a restaurant on weeknights. That's it. He's home all day and when I get home the house is a mess.
He gives me about $250 dollars per month, but his personal bills exceed $500 per month (of course I pay those as well as all of the other household bills). The problem is, we live in a house that my parents own. Therefore, he's the one that needs to leave. He doesn't have any money - or seemingly the capacity to earn any. I can't afford to "set him up" in a new place and his family won't help him out.
What can I do? I want out of this so badly. I've worked too hard to provide my kids with a good life and I'm not even able to do so because I'm supporting this grown man!
Now I'm realizing that I'm the only one working towards securing our future or bettering our lives. I suggested that he take over responsibility for a few of our expenses. One in particular, a monthly payment that goes towards a consolidation loan that he got to pay off his debts. His reply was basically "it just won't get paid then".
To whomever suggessted getting a restraining order, I see no evidence of domestic violence of any kind, so that wouldn't fly (and it is just a way to abuse something designed for true victims of domestic violence and not for folks who want an "easy" divorce, when using this method incorrectly it really discredits those who truely need one, clogs up the court system, and it will probably require the OP to lie on a legal document).
In Maryland the three ways to absolute divorce in a "timely fashion" are:
Domestic Violence
Adultery
Abandonment
(all of these are also criminal offenses)
If that is not the case you must wait it out via seperation. Instead of manipulating the system, just file for the legal seperation which requires you to live apart for a year (and if at any time you have sex with him, the year starts over) and keep it moving. Living apart could mean you sleep in the bed, him in the basement. You do not have to keep seperate residence to "live apart", just no that if the court gets the feeling that you and him are still sleeping together, your petition could be thrown out.
It sounds like he needs help, and maybe having depression issues. Also quit enabling him, if he won't pay the bill, so be it. If the lights get cut off, so be it. By you jumping in to save the day you are taking ownership over his responsibilities. Why should he attempt to do it, when you will? I also can not imagine that he appreciates you throwing up in his face your new education and financial status either (this is not an excuse for his behavior, just maybe a reason as to why he is behaving this way)
For access to some legal resources in Maryland, you can also visit:
Not sure I agree to let the bills go unpaid - OP has children and her own credit to consider. I think patience will have to go a long way, rather than just kicking out the husband/father because he is not working and has drinking problem. Also, the length of time they have been together, possibly common law marriage could have an impact on how this is viewed legally. If a woman had such problems and wasn't contributing financially I don't think a husband could just throw her out. After 10 years of knowing about his issues, then marrying him because he was doing better for a short time, this seems harsh. If he is an addict and/or clinically depressed it is not so black and white.
If a woman had such problems and wasn't contributing financially I don't think a husband could just throw her out.
Your probably right about that. If he is drinking heavily or drunk aroud the kids she might be able to get a court order to get him out of the house because of the kids.
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Wtf
